Is it acceptable to ask baby shower guests to pay for meals?

[Chocrabbit]

hi! I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue. I would cover the room charge which is £150 and potentially one drink per person (14 guests) but the buffet option is 40pp which is too much on top! Could I just ask people to order from the normal menu and pay for what they eat? I’ve only been to baby showers previously that are at someone’s house, so all food has been included

It’s almost as if people just keep friends and family sweet for the grift isn’t it? If you are hosting a party, you pay. To be hosting a party where you expect everyone to celebrate you and give you presents, and then also pay for their own food? Nope.

No, it is neither acceptable to ask your guests to pay for their meals nor to host your own shower.

A shower should be hosted in your honour by a friend or relative, and all food and drink should be laid on.

How did so much of the venerable American shower tradition get lost en route east?

Maybe that's how they are in the UK.

I know of one woman who has had 4 DC, had a baby shower for #1 and a "baby sprinkle" for the next 3. Some people can't get enough of themselves.

Nope. They are a hideous amerucan import and I definitely would not be paying to attend one

So in my circles baby showers aren’t to “shower mum with gifts”. They’re just a get together before mum has a baby. No gift required. Just an excuse to get your nearest and dearest girl friends together.
If I was expecting masses and masses of gifts, no, I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for their food, but that isn’t what happens in my circle of friends. And it’s never expensive either, £15 ish for afternoon tea.

Nope. Sorry I can't come.

Yes but isnt it nice to buy baby a nice present I personally couldn’t attend without buying something not because I have to but because I would want to

Yes, it is, it’s lovely. But you’re spending £15 on lunch (or in OPs case, paying for what you’ve eaten where you can go as cheap or as expensive as you like), plus £15 on a new little outfit or some toiletries for baby. I don’t think £30ish is too much to spend on someone you’re close with to spend time with them and celebrate their new baby.

When I had my baby shower I didn’t expect anything from anyone. I was just pleased to have most of my favourite women in the same room together (the one person who couldn’t make it lives abroad). My friends have the same expectations. When MN talks about baby showers it couldn’t be further from what I’ve experienced myself.

Where are you getting "a nice outfit" for £15? Unless it's Primark or Shein that would be quite a task.

The OP is talking about a venue where a buffet costs £40, and guests turning up but not eating/ not ordering food may not be an option if it's a restaurant.

I got a gift for my friend who is due soon, a pair of dungarees from Next, for £3 in the sale. I was gutted they didn’t have a bigger size for my own baby. Because I’ve spent so little I can afford to get her so much more.

Well yes, okay, this venue does seem on the pricier side! But talking generally it doesn’t have to cost so much.

£40 per person for a buffet! I’d think that was a little steep for a sit down meal let alone finger foods.

What are they going to serve caviar on gold leaf?!

Agree. You can't ask them to pay. They'll be bringing you a present.

Baby showers are awful. I’d rather buy a present when the baby is born, but you have to buy one for the shower and when one it’s born. Plus, no one wants to sit around and play the games.
I’ve been to two. They were both held at the mum to be’s home or a parent’s home. Food and drinks were provided. I wouldn’t go to one where I had to pay for my own food.

£40 pp is a lot of money for food. Is it a 3 course meal ? Are venues are starting to charge loads to get on the baby shower bandwagon ?

I wouldn't go if you expected me to pay £40 for food I hadn't chosen.

Have the shower (if you must) at yours /Mum's and have tea and cake

I haven't been to many but when i did i split the present to give part of it at the baby shower and also something after baby arrived.I would never expect extra gifts at the baby shower but some people either gave the new baby gift then OR after the baby was born depending on preference/ when they might see me next.Afew gave gifts at the baby shower and then when baby arrived too, but this was never expected.

Cost of living 2026 it would be an no thank you. I can spend £50-75 better than eating out and a gift. £40 is a lot for food. You need to pay for a drink and a gift (£15 at least I suppose). It ends up quite expensive this venue.

Our last family day out with a teen's birthday was £20 for lunch per person including a fizzy drink.

Nope! Your party, you pay! And you’re getting ripped off.