Is 37-40 too old for a first baby? 🙁

[Vanillalatte01]

So I'm currently 35 and my partner (male) is 45. By the time I complete my degree I'll be 37, which is when I plan on trying to conceive naturally. At this point conception may be when I'm between 37-40 and my partner will be 47-50.

• In your opinion, is this too old to have a first baby?
• Did any of you have your first baby at roughly the same age or older?
• How was your pregnancy & delivery?
• Was your baby healthy?

Thanks in advance 🫶🏼

However I will add that I agree, as others have said, that you never really know what road ahead you will have until you start trying. Within mum friends we had range of fertility journeys, from 1 month ttc / surprise, to 2+ years / IVF

The age of your partner is more of an issue IMO. It takes long to concieve with a partner that age.

I was 37 and 39, and friends were similar. However, I’ve realised how lucky we and the successful ones were. One in five at any age have fertility issues. Starting earlier gives you extra time if you have them, and you just never know if you will. I have friends who took more than 2-3 years with fertility treatment. And some friends who still don’t have them yet, and are still going with trying for their first in their 40s. In my opinion male factor should be tested for much earlier, rather than waiting months to a year plus. You can get a private test for not toi
much money.

i know I'm going to sound like a massive hypocrite, given I waited, but I really would just try now especially given the age of your partner. You can always keep studying on maternity leave or do shared leave

I hope not I'm 36, 37 in 3 weeks and currently trying for first!

To answer your other question though, healthy babies. The risks are still very low, despite increasing. I was 1 in 10k and one in almost 5k for the 12 week screening. Two of my antenatal group were 45-46 and had healthy babies

My best friend started trying at 36. She had a miscarriage, got pregnant a few months later and gave birth at 37. She suffered severe postnatal depression but is doing ok now and baby is healthy. She has been trying for another baby in the 2 years since she had the baby, had a miscarriage after a year and has not conceived since.

Honestly OP you don't need anecdotes about this. Look it up. I feel you are being falsely reassured that everything will likely be fine. It may be, but if becoming pregnant is important to you, a pregnancy is more likely the earlier you start.

I was/am financially secure too but money doesn’t prevent a lot of the reasons parenting is so tiring in later life so I disagree. It has everything to do with age. There is a reason your fifties is known as sniper’s alley - so many seemingly healthy people suddenly are beset with chronic health conditions in this decade. Why do you think life insurance and income protection insurance premiums sky rocket from this age? The numbers speak for themselves.

And this obsession when someone asks ‘is 40 too old to have a baby?’ and 90% of the responses ONLY focus on the 9 months of pregnancy and the birth, is completely wild/lacking in foresight. It is less about can you conceive, and more about, what will the long term picture most likely look like? Because it’s not pretty caring for an elderly father when you are only 20 years old.

I have many friends who had children late thirties and early forties, and they too are in their early fifties and absolutely knackered by the demands of active parenting at this stage in life.

I accept, that like everything in life, if you are one of the few VERY wealthy people, you can buy you way out of some of the stress of it. But that’s the exception.

I’m 40 and had my first at 37 and my second at 40.
no problems in pregnancies and got pregnant straight away with both.

It's not too old at all. What can get overlooked though is your partners age is also z factor. However I know many perfectly healthy kids with older dad' s than your partner would be.

I was 28 and 31 when my DC were born. DH was 45 and 48.
They are now teenagers, he'll be 65 next month, and is trying to assess how much longer he'll need to work (DC1 has done 2 of 3 years at uni, DC2 also wants to go to uni, in a few years)
If im really honest he hasn't been especially hands on (he would disagree) but not because he is unable (he does sports with DS occassionally) but more from selfishness.

Hopefully not.
But if your man is older it won't help.

Absolutely this. So many people leave it too late.

@ToadRageI do not understand women being “deeply upset” by being referred to using this term: it’s a medical categorisation and your aunt was, by any objective measure, really old when she had her children.

Ironically, quite immature to react so emotionally to this kind of thing.

Agree totally. If you can avoid leaving it any later, do.

I was 45
both healthy
what's your concern?
you will be knackered at 16 or 46

You did not have a baby in your 20s and then have a baby in your 40s, so you cannot compare it.

There is a MASSIVE difference in how your body and brain is able to cope with the exhaustion and other parenting demands and the younger you are the easier it is.

Early menopause is not the end of the story. Hormones—not your passport—underpin your reproductive system. They are dynamic, measurable, and can change. What can be done depends on your individual circumstances.

Lol no. I had DS at 39 and he is now a strapping 21 year old. I had an elective C section. Most of my friends had their first between 35-40 and went on to have a second. None of the DC have disabilities.

Why wouldn’t you have a baby before completing your degree?

I did a PhD and had two babies in the meantime (my second was born a week after submission). I think it was the best decision; very hard, but having limited time actually helped a lot.

Now that I’ve had my children and finished my studies, I can focus on my career. Or not, as we are planning for a third now 😅 (I’m 38 ).

Personally, I’ve never put anything before having a baby. No degree or job has been worth more than that, in my opinion.

Also, after finishing your degree, you’re usually expected to start working rather than go straight on maternity leave. You can pause your studies, but taking a break once you’ve started a job or before is a much bigger risk.

THIS

I had my first and only at 44 after ttc since 39. We’d only got together at 39.
Even though I have a beautiful healthy daughter and easy pregnancy at that age I’d say don’t wait. You’ve met your man, just go for it.

I had my first and only DS at 37. My pregnancy was really straightforward and I felt great throughout. I had a long, difficult labour which ended in a forceps delivery. But DS is perfectly healthy and no problems, apart from a very small facial scar from the forceps.

However we’d been trying for a baby since I was 33 and I had 2 mc before DS arrived. And one afterwards too and then we were never able to conceive again when we tried. So given your age I’d recommend getting a thorough check over with your GP, as if you have any issues it would be better to know about it now so you will have more options. It wouldn’t have been my choice to only have one child and my age was definitely a factor in why it worked out that way.

It’s not too old, but I would seriously consider deferring your degree and going for it now. I’m doing a masters and several women took a year out for maternity leave, and then returned to finish.

Age is the strongest predictor of success in IVF. As a result, it is often promoted as the single most important factor in fertility. This has generated a huge amount of unnecessary anxiety and the widespread "I'm running out of eggs" syndrome. It is perhaps no surprise that studies have shown fertility patients experience levels of anxiety comparable to those of cancer patients.
However, a landmark study published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in 2017 paints a more nuanced picture for natural conception. In this large North American study of couples with no history of infertility, women aged 40–45 still had a meaningful chance of conceiving naturally: approximately 28% conceived within six menstrual cycles and 56% within 12 cycles. Although their chance of conceiving in any given cycle was about 60% lower than that of women aged 21–24, more than half still achieved pregnancy naturally within one year of trying.