Is 37-40 too old for a first baby? 🙁

[Vanillalatte01]

So I'm currently 35 and my partner (male) is 45. By the time I complete my degree I'll be 37, which is when I plan on trying to conceive naturally. At this point conception may be when I'm between 37-40 and my partner will be 47-50.

• In your opinion, is this too old to have a first baby?
• Did any of you have your first baby at roughly the same age or older?
• How was your pregnancy & delivery?
• Was your baby healthy?

Thanks in advance 🫶🏼

It's not doom and gloom. It's scientific evidence that it's more difficult to conceive the older you are.

Two healthy kids at 36 and 38. No complications in pregnancies. Will say though that I’m pretty knackered from caring for them now at 43. If you can, put your degeee on pause and do it asap would be my advice.

Of course, fertility generally becomes more challenging with age. But we are talking about a 37 to 40 years woman, not someone at the end of her reproductive years. More importantly, the role of age is often overstated in fertility. What matters most is reproductive age, not simply the age shown on your passport. A 35-year-old woman with early menopause is unlikely to have a better chance of conceiving than a 40-year-old woman with normal reproductive hormone function.

I had mine at 35 and 38, but it took 1.5 years to get pregnant first time round. I would personally not wait till I was 37 in your situation to start. It's very normal to have children late 30s/early 40s nowadays, but if you absolutely know you want them, it might be easier on you to start now. I admire mums who are older than me with little ones as I am shattered!!!!

It would have been too old for me, but plenty of women have babies at that age, either through choice or circumstance.

I got pregnant with my first at 40, I was 41 when she was born. Pregnant with second at 42, 43 when she was born. Both times I got pregnant very quickly. I had c-sections but for reasons unrelated to my age.
Several of my friends had babies in their late thirties or early forties.

We had our babies at 37 and 40 but on a forum like this one (and in real life) the women who managed to get pregnant and have a baby in their late 30s and beyond are far more visible than the ones who didn't. I have friends who tried for a baby and never managed to get pregnant, either had fertility treatment or decided to stop trying - but they aren't on mumsnet. And it's pretty likely that more of my childfree female friends wanted babies than the ones who have actually told me about it. I agree with PPs who say if you are sure you want a baby, it's easy enough to take a year out from your degree and go back to it after mat leave.

My aunt had both her children in her early 40's and was deeply upset at being referred to as a geriatric mother. On a purely biological level having children older isn't ideal but it is becoming more common. The best age for a women to conceive naturally is still between 17 and 25, the risks of problems increase after the age of 35. But if you and your partner are in the best possible health and you really want it go for it.

66-82% of 35 + women will conceive within a year. Stop exaggerating

True, I also have friends who tried to conceive in their mid-late 30s, but never succeeded sadly. This is probably quite common as well.

I got pregnant first time we tried, at 37, and had DD at 38. I recognise that we were lucky that I conceived easily and she had no health issues. However, we stopped at one child as by the time we'd have been ready for a 2nd I'd probably have been 40 when they were born and DH was concerned about the risks.

Our society is not set up for young mothers as we favour education, as we should. We also favour romantic relationships rather then the nearest man. There aren't legions of quality men to have a child with and all this takes time to achieve. So I would say wait until you're in your 30's

I was only quoting the biology, society does not coincide and evolution takes longer, maybe in a few thousand years if humans are still going we will have evolved enough to have babies in are later years.

It’s not too late but I would consider trying sooner or taking some positive steps towards it such as getting tested to see if you are likely to encounter any issues. It has taken me a very long time to get pregnant. If you get your hormones tested, have a pelvic ultrasound now you can find out if you have anything that might make getting pregnant difficult and that can help make a more informed choice.

Best biologically and best socially are not the same so we need to focus on women having a full education and economic power not having babies at 17-25yrs

If I were you I wouldn’t wait until finishing my degree to start trying

Definitely not too, pretty near average age of first time mothers where I live. I was older and I had more energy and more enthusiasm for parenthood than many of the younger ones I knew

I was 38 and DH 46 when we conceived 2 months after I started tracking my cycle. Pregnancy fine and had a semi elective c section (was planned but waters broke early). I found the c section recovery tough going and took painkillers for the first 2 weeks but no complications and I started back at the gym (gently) after 12 weeks. DS is normal and we wouldn’t be without him. It’s a very personal decision - I would have liked us both to be younger but we didn’t meet until I was 35 and we both needed time to heal after previous relationships so weren’t ready to settle down for a couple of years.

I think your plan is fine as long as you’re prepared for the possibility that it won’t work out. I was prepared for that and actually had a huge panic when I realised I was pregnant and it took me a few weeks to come to terms with it actually happening!

Everyone focuses on the pregnancy and baby being born healthy. Which is of course important. But very few consider the medium to long term. Taking care of a 10 year old and early teens child in your late forties or early fifties is BRUTAL. Add in almost certain elderly parent demands and care, and working, and it’s been the hardest decade of my life. I’m slim, fit and healthy but perimenopause can cause huge challenges. Birth and early years were a breeze compared to now. If my husband had been in his late forties at point of conception I would definitely not have gone ahead.

Not too late at all. I had my DD, only child, at 42. Conceived naturally. DH was 50. I had a miscarriage the year before I conceived DD. Pregnancy a breeze. Birth with forceps after 14-hour labour (average for first birth). Good luck!

I had ds (first baby) at 45. Very easy pregnancy, no nausea, no issues. Conceived accidentally. Ds was born at 40+6, My labour was a bit slow and I needed some help right at the end.

It's been plain sailing, just normal childhood. I didn't find it hard, although I worked full time. Ds has just finished his a'levels and will read engineering at uni. I've loved it.

Good luck xx

I'm not slim fit or healthy and managed it all ok. Women had babies into their 40's all the time before contraception became so widely available.

I didn't find it brutal. Being older meant I was more secure financially and in my career. Ds' dad was 56 when ds was born, and wasn't a hands on dad, but then he wasn't a hands on dad to his dds who were born when he was in his 30s. I don't think that has much to do with age.
Fitness helps. I put conscious effort into remaining fit because I didn't want ds to have a mum who couldn't keep up. I taught ds to swim, cycle, ski. He overtook me at about 14 😁

My parents were 38 and 48 when I was born. They’d both died before I was mid 20’s so for me, seems far too old. If you really want this, why is the degree priority? Realistically are you going to work in this field with a baby/toddler etc. If it’s really what you want get on with it, and make sure you have tip top life insurance!

I think it's normal. I was 35 with my first and now expecting 2nd and I am almost 38. Most of the new mums I met first time round were between 33-40. All with careers. One woman I knew was 30, she was the youngest of our NCT.