Struggling with gender disappointment after finding out I am having a boy

[CalmRubyPoster]

Extreme Gender Disappointment

I’m 17 weeks pregnant and just got my NIPT results—confirmed it’s a boy. And honestly… I cry every single day. I feel jealous when I see mother-daughter relationships, and I worry that I’ll never get to experience that with my own child. I’ve always wanted a daughter.

All my life, my mum—who has only 4 daughters—used to say, “A daughter is a daughter for life. A son is yours only until he takes a wife.” And honestly, I see that pattern in my family. Most of my uncles and male cousins don’t really care for their parents once they marry. I worry about my son’s future spouse not liking me. I worry that the bond I have with him might get complicated.

I think that’s why having a daughter feels different—you remain her mum no matter what, even if her spouse dislikes you. That kind of bond seems… unshakeable.

Even as a healthcare worker, I find myself grieving in advance for moms of boys. Most of them end up really alone in their later years; it’s usually the daughters showing up, and it just feels so extreme. However, I want to clarify: I’m not expecting my future kids to be my caregivers. I’m just saying that with daughters, she naturally remains close, while men usually drift toward their wives’ families.

Ever since I found out the gender, I haven’t felt excited at all—my heart races with anxiety and sadness thinking about the future. I just think what’s the point…
I’m considering planning a secound pregnancy so I hopefully get a girl.

Will I eventually get the girl I’m dreaming for?

Have any other moms of boys felt like this? How do you navigate these feelings?

I agree. “What’s the point of bonding with my son?” What is WRONG with you? That
is your child! With a terrible attitude like that you probably won’t bond. And it will be YOUR choice. If you have a healthy baby, you should be grateful. As the mother of a daughter and a son, I bonded with both of them. They’ve grown into amazing adults that I would love even if they weren’t my kids. Smart, funny, kind, loving, responsible, and generous. You are getting in your own way and setting that poor boy up for a hard life. Shame on you.

You should never have had children. Your son deserves so much better.

Both my sisters husbands are lovely men and have great close positive relationships with their mothers. Their mothers are equal to our mum. When the kids were little both my sisters would stay with their PILs with tiny kids even if the dh couldn’t go. Oddly both have a difficult sister in law and it’s clear the bond the MILs have with their sons and sons family is far stronger than with their own DDs.

Perhaps the men in your family drifted because they knew that, if they were anything like you, their mothers couldn’t give a fuck about them?

You need therapy before he arrives x

I always thought I wanted a girl, especially because my mum died when I was so young and I longed for that mother-daughter bond... I have 2 boys and I absolutely love being a boy mum.. cannot imagine having a girl. Boys are so affectionate, so caring towards their mums. Not all boys forget about their parents. Honestly when your LO comes along this will disappear. Try to enjoy your pregnancy.

@CalmRubyPoster I am having a boy and to be honest am dissapointed after years of infertility which I do feel guilty about.

However my husband is first born son and is very close to his mum - she’s actually coming to stay near by for a month this summer to support us.

I wouldn’t consider myself that close with my mum and hardly have a Gilmore girls relationship.

Your mums got in your head and I’d speak to anyone who has boys and see it as a chance to develop your relationship with your child.

all of my friends who have boys love it and I see it as a privilege to raise good men! As the world needs more of them.