What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth?

[MamaReadyUK]

I was chatting with a friend who’s currently pregnant and it made me realise how much you only really learn after you’ve been through it.

What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth? Could be practical, emotional, or even something funny.

I absolutely love this.

Birth can be brutal, but it can also be incredibly empowering and transformative. That sense of strength and power is something so many people don’t even realise they’re capable of until they’ve been through it.

This is such wise advice. Those first days are a hormonal and emotional rollercoaster, up, down, tearful, wired, overwhelmed, sometimes all in the same hour.

Letting thoughts pass without judging or analysing them can be really protective. And you’re so right: if you or those around you are worried, absolutely reach out for help, but not every emotional wobble means something is “wrong”.

This is so beautifully put. It really can take a long time to feel like yourself again, physically and emotionally, and that’s completely normal. Your children don’t care about the wobbly or leaky bits, they just want you.

And I love your story about your son, what a lovely full-circle moment. It’s so true: these phases pass so quickly, and you never quite realise it at the time.

Thank you for sharing this, it’s really touching.

That the recovery afterwards is the hard part. That your body may feel broken and you may feel so exhausted you don't even want your baby. That simply showering can feel like an overwhelming job and you might not feel yourself for a while. It's all OK, it will get better. But don't hold hard to the idea that you'll be surrounded by a warm glowing light of love and womanhood as a guarantee, that way lies sadness and uncertainty.

That you need an extraordinarily strong advocate at your side every second as hospitals completely disregard that pesky little thing called consent. That it will take your body years to heal from the physical torture they force you to endure.

I’m so sorry you experienced this, being exhausted, vulnerable and then left to cope alone is incredibly hard and frightening. So many people describe exactly this: huge surgery, no sleep, then suddenly expected to just get on with it. And yes to the big bathroom bin, nobody tells you how much you’ll need it.

This made me laugh out loud because it’s SO true 😅 The reality is so different from the glossy photos, adult nappies, leaks, waddling, exhaustion… and zero glamour. Thank you for saying this out loud because so many people are shocked by that first walk out.

This is such an important and kind reality check. It is hard, even when it’s beautiful. And you’re so right: so many people struggle but don’t say it out loud, which makes others feel like they’re failing. They’re not. Every phase passes, and no one is doing this as easily as it looks from the outside.

This is such an honest and brilliant description of how birth plans often meet reality 😅 And I love that you highlighted the breathing, simple things can make such a huge difference.

And yes… the recovery and “train wreck down below” is massively underplayed, especially after instrumental births and tears. The catheter is definitely not a prize anyone asks for!

This is SUCH practical, real-world advice. Flexible plans, partners who can advocate, resting when you can, soft towels, and preparing for feeding, honestly this is the stuff that actually helps, not the Instagram version of birth.

I’m so sorry you experienced this, being exhausted, vulnerable and then left to cope alone is incredibly hard and frightening. So many people describe exactly this: huge surgery, no sleep, then suddenly expected to just get on with it. And yes to the big bathroom bin, nobody tells you how much you’ll need it.

That lochia is nothing like period blood. You definitely need the maternity pads. And stock up on disposable pants.

This is SUCH a real and important one 😂 The peri bottle honestly deserves a medal, wiping is not an option for most people in those first days.
And YES to milk coming in being shockingly intense, nobody prepares you for that pressure, heat and pain.
And day 3 hormones… oh my goodness. So many women describe exactly this, crying at absolutely everything. It’s so frightening when you don’t expect it, even when there’s no PPD. Thank you for saying this out loud 🤍

This is something so many people say and are shocked by. The stitching can be absolutely brutal, especially when everything is swollen and sore already. I’m really sorry you had such a rough experience with that, being told to “get a grip” when you’re in that state is not okay at all. I’m really glad your recovery afterwards was much easier, but that part can be genuinely traumatic.

Thank you for sharing this, it’s such an honest reflection and one so many people have in hindsight. Birth doesn’t always follow the path we hope for, especially when there are complications like GD and infection. What matters most is that you and baby came through safely, even if the journey there was nothing like you imagined 🤍

I would say to prepare yourself to advocate for your own needs and wants and not rely on anybody else to do that for you - advice for labour, postpartum and life.

I would say everyone is totally different and most of the no doubt excellent advice on this thread did not apply to me.

Birth is not a spectator sport, it is only about the person giving birth and the baby they are giving birth to. You do not have to have anyone touching you or watching you in any way that you do not want. You can turn all the lights off and stay under a blanket in your bed if you want to or strip naked and sit down in the middle of the kitchen floor. You do not have to allow any one to touch you in any way - healthcare professionals or not.

This is such an important and brave thing to say. Labour can be long, exhausting and overwhelming, and having someone who can advocate for you when you’re tired or not fully with it can make a huge difference. It’s not about blaming partners, it’s about making sure you’re properly supported when you’re at your most vulnerable.

That my first period would come back exactly 28 days later 😔 I felt a right numpty ringing the midwife and telling her my post partum bleeding had restarted. She pointed out as it was 4 weeks since I’d given birth it was my period. Brutal!

That the first couple of days until milk arrives are TOUGH, I have a clear memory of first night home, DS1 had cried for hours, I was crying, DH was crying and we just looked at each other saying what have we done…!!
And….following on from that, that no two babies are the same, DS2 was completely different in every way!!

This is SUCH an important list. So many things here that people are never properly told. Especially advocating for yourself, the placenta part, and the belly not disappearing. And that call bell after a C-section point is honestly terrifying, I’ve heard this from so many women too. Thank you for saying all of this out loud 🤍

Not stupid at all, so many books make it sound like your body just does everything for you! Back-to-back labour catches so many people out too because the pain is all in the back. And the stinging when you wee after a graze… nobody warns you about that one either 😩 Thank you for sharing this!

I had twins via C section - honestly the biggest shock to me was how much blood/clots would come out when you first went to the toilet - I thought I was dying 😂All of this had to go into a cardboard bowl so that the nurses could analyse it.

Even the nurses didn't tell me what was about to happen.

Not stupid at all, so many books make it sound like your body just does everything for you! Back-to-back labour catches so many people out too because the pain is all in the back. And the stinging when you wee after a graze… nobody warns you about that one either 😩 Thank you for sharing this!

This is painfully accurate and also hilarious 😂 Afterpains and the first wee are truly humbling experiences. And yes, the placenta absolutely deserves more warning, it’s like a mini labour of its own. Also that first cup of tea afterwards really does taste like nectar of the gods ☕️

Good for you for standing your ground. You’re absolutely right, you can insist on pain relief before oxytocin, and you are never obligated to accept being spoken to rudely.

Labour is vulnerable enough without being made to feel small. Thank you for saying this so clearly.