What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth?

[MamaReadyUK]

I was chatting with a friend who’s currently pregnant and it made me realise how much you only really learn after you’ve been through it.

What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth? Could be practical, emotional, or even something funny.

I vomited all throughout my first labour. Had no idea it was a thing. But it's quite common.

The night and day difference between speaking to a midwife about my birth vs. a doctor. Doctor was very matter of fact, let's get it over with, focusing on the negative and felt very pressured. Luckily I stood my ground and was able to not get pushed into anything I wasn't comfortable with.

The wards afterwards are not a particularly nice entry to motherhood if you have to overnight. Huge come down after the initial oxytocin buzz of the birth and meeting baby, also hotter than hell. Mine was filled with a birth traumatized mum, a very unsettled baby and another mum totally alone who didn't peak English. I was exhausted and my anxiety shot through the roof after a single night. Not that I was expecting a hotel experience, but breakfast is also phenomenally crap and the bathrooms tend to be grim. I was desperate to go home.

That a 'back to back' birth is ridiculously painful. It was my 1st & I had no knowledge.

To shout if you think there's something unusual- told night midwife it felt as if I was contracting again & was shushed. Turns out there was some retained placenta, I needed an emergency op with GA & a 3 litre blood transfusion. I was knackered for weeks & weeks building my body back up.

Then it can also be SO different- 2nd time was induction & he came so quickly he took us all by surprise- slid out with no time for pain relief. Another transfusion, though. They're surprisingly common.

Finally, 3rd births can be tricky. Mine wasn't, thankfully- no pain relief & no transfusion this time!

Oh it was the ward I was in before I went to the labour ward that was unbearable! I was induced but stuck there for three days - people taking phone calls and watching YouTube without earphones at 2am. I was exhausted before I was even 2cm dilated 😅

I've only had c-sections and my first (which was the emergency one) was an actual breeze. Barely any pain and was walking around quite the thing once the anaesthetic wore off. Probably adrenaline from a very premature birth 🤣

The second...holy shit. Or not. I was so constipated it was unreal. Lactulose gave me horrific trapped wind and made no difference to the situation. But the main event was the "after pains" 2 days later that apparently are more common after second, third and subsequent pregnancies. I was not warned or even told about these things. I thought I was dying.

Third time round I ignored the lactulose they kept bringing me and just drank, drank, drank water like a fish. Much better! Although I was feeling a bit more stiff and sore for longer this time round. Probably because it was the third section in 5 years mind.

My biggest tip after a c-section though is to move. Don't overdo it but do keep moving. And take the painkillers. Honestly it's so much better if you just move rather than lying or sitting all the time.

Oh and you also still have bleeding after a section although personally mine was never very much but it can vary.

That when you push it shouldn’t be noisy and you should push as if you’re doing a number two, hours of pointless noisy pushing with my first and a few minutes of silent effective pushing with my second when the midwife taught me to do it properly

Forgot about the constant vomiting for a day and a half!🤣

Your ward sounds exactly like mine, down to the crying & stressed mothers & loyd snoring. Mine was v clean & had good breakfasts, though.

1. Don’t be afraid to change your mind. Birth can’t be controlled so go with it.
2. You can say no. With DC2 the consultant was called in to prep me for a EMCS - I asked for an episiotomy and a few more pushes. Consultant agreed so long as baby was out in the next few contractions- low and behold baby arrived on push 2. Also if you don’t want people visiting - say so. Some might get grumpy but trust me, bonding is better!
3. Adrenaline will make you feel high - with both DC I had a massive surge just after they were delivered (both G&A deliveries). It made me feel delirious and I felt like I could quite easily have run a marathon with my newborn attached to my boob (I never run… for anything… ever!). It’s totally normal but you will hit a brick wall of exhaustion when it wears off!
4. post baby sweats are normal - it’s like an insight into menopause- biology is fun.
5. breastfeeding is HARD. Take the support, even if you don’t think you need it. Invest in bf tops/clothing, in the long run it will help. If it’s not for you, don’t beat yourself up. A fed baby is a happy one.
6. lean on your partner/parents/friends - the newborn phase is brutal. Ask if someone can pop over for coffee, cuddles and throw the vaccum round. True support won’t ever say no!
7. things will not get done. With DC1 I had grand ambitions to redecorate several rooms with my “time off” - hahahahahahahahahaha - enjoy the baby cuddles instead!
8. Don’t worry if your body doesn’t feel like you. It took a solid 18 months for mine to feel “normal” after DC1, and even longer with DC2. Your DC won’t care about wobbly/leaky/bumpy bits - focus on them and healing. You can always look back at photos and laugh but you can’t get that time back!

Intrusive thoughts after birth are very common but never spoken about

This is such an important one to say out loud. So many parents feel pressure to have that instant rush of love, and when it doesn’t happen, they feel guilty or broken.

In reality, birth is a huge physical and emotional shock, and for many people love grows gradually over days or even weeks. Both are completely normal. 💛

So true. Breastfeeding can be much harder than people expect, and the early postnatal hormone shifts can cause intense night sweats and some very strange body smells 😅 It’s all normal, but definitely not talked about enough!

That it can be amazing. I felt a sense of raw, female power that I had no idea even existed before. Truly transformative.

An older friend advised me not to place too much worth on thoughts/ feelings I had in the first days after the birth. Just to let them go by and not interpret them too much. This was really helpful advice for me personally as I felt quite crazily up and down those first few days, in a way never before or since.
obviously, balance with saying that if those around you, or you, are worried about your state of mind, seek help. But it was useful for me not to try and over- analyse.

Don’t worry if your body doesn’t feel like you. It took a solid 18 months for mine to feel “normal” after DC1, and even longer with DC2. Your DC won’t care about wobbly/leaky/bumpy bits - focus on them and healing. You can always look back at photos and laugh but you can’t get that time back!

This!

I was weepy over 'Call the Midwife ' earlier, & reminiscing of all the memories. Spurred also by my amazing DS1 who's 21, final year uni talking about his huge head (helmet issues for biking) & i laughed so hard when I said "I know, I gave birth to it'. He's so lovely he found it funny too.

Try & catch every moment as one you'll not live again. How I wish I was back there x

I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. Being young, alone, induced and in pain without support is incredibly traumatic. Sadly, this experience is not as rare as people think, and you’re absolutely right, you are not alone.

You deserved to be listened to, believed, and supported. Thank you for sharing this. 💐

Oh also you won't be doing a Kate Middleton style maternity ward exit in all flowy dress. You'll be waddling out in an adult nappy, trying not to leak from various orifices looking like an absolute troll. There's a reason why everyone photographs the "dad walk" and mum stays out of the frame 😅

@thismonthsfad Hope you are reading this thread 💕

This made me laugh and wince at the same time 😅 Postnatal bowels are no joke! Everyone’s body reacts differently and this is such a good example of how unpredictable recovery can be.

I always tell first time pregnant friends that having a baby is all going to be very lovely but that reality is.... IT IS HARD!! Life will never be the same and its best to sort of surrender and accept that 🤣 i say never question yourself "why is this so hard yet people i know seem to have found motherhood easy". Reality is, all mums have hard days but for some reason dont express that! Just go with the flow, be led by your babies needs and remember that every difficult phase will pass. Enjoy the journey!

I really agree with this. Birth education can sometimes overwhelm rather than empower, because every birth is so different. I love that quote about being brave, that’s often the most honest and useful thing to hold onto. And the fear of the first poo after birth is very real 😂

You were definitely not alone in that!

That whatever lentil weaving by moonlight and swaying to Patagonian ferret mating calls that you've got in your birthing plan goes out the window if you and baby get in a spot of bother at anytime during the labour.

That said, the single most helpful thing that got me through my 27 hour labour was the deep breathing exercises I practiced all throughout my pregnancy.

Also no one quite ever tells you about the train wreck down below, especially if you have an instrumental birth or tear (in my case both). The catheter was then the unexpected bonus prize on top.

Write a rough birth plan to give to the midwife but feel free to change your mind while in labour, prepare your partner to advocate for you, sleep that first night when baby does as the second night will be a long one, bring a very soft towel for using at the hospital as you will be sore everywhere, learn about breastfeeding beforehand as it's so much harder than it looks!

This is so true and so important. The emotional and hormonal crash after birth can be intense and long-lasting. Feeling tearful, angry, flat or overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means your body and brain are recalibrating after something huge. And yes, it does settle with time. Be kind to yourself. 💛

Patagonian ferret mating 😂

That after being awake a solid 40 hours and an 18 hour labour and emergency c section you get left alone and don't get any help feeding your baby from the hospital staff, until they tell you off for not feeding them enough!

Oh and make sure you have a big enough bathroom bin for your bloody pads.

Buy a perineal bottle for cleaning after the toilet in the days after birth…someone recommended this to me and I think it might have saved my life 😂 there is no way I could have wiped…wash and pat dry all the way!!
I wasn’t expecting milk coming in to be so awful…tbf I was pumping to encourage it as it was late and I think that led to it being worse but OMG!!!
And day 3 hormones took me by surprise…I was still in hospital at that point due to baby being jaundiced. Literally every time someone spoke to me I just cried at them. ‘Do you want any breakfast hun?’ Me: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Didn’t have any PPD at all but I think my OH was much more concerned than he let on for about 36hrs…I was very much not myself!!