What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth?

[MamaReadyUK]

I was chatting with a friend who’s currently pregnant and it made me realise how much you only really learn after you’ve been through it.

What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth? Could be practical, emotional, or even something funny.

A 'graze' is not as innocent as it sounds.
Had an eposiotomy with dc1 and what they referred to as a graze with dc2.

The eposiotomy recovery was fine - barely any discomfort. The stitches healed up with no problem. Going to the loo was fine.

The graze was horrifically painful with every pee. And as other posters have mentioned, there's a lot of peeing to get rid of all the extra fluid. I had this ritual of smothering thde whole vulval area with sudocreme and then holding a wad of tissue against each labia to avoid agonising stinging far worse than the actual delivery.

I think graze was code for 'tear that's not quite stitchable'. It was awful

Yes to this. There’s a reason they call it labour!

Also, day 3 postpartum. Both times, I have cried my eyes out (over nothing) felt so low, down everything bad you can imagine, but my HV told me it’s to do with hormones. So prepare for day 3!

Breastfeeding is hard, the old motto ‘breastfeeding doesn’t hurt, unless there’s something wrong’ was not true for me, with DC1 or 2, they didn’t have tongue tie / latch issues etc it does just genuinely hurt - for me anyway! My nipples cracked, bled so much and feeding DC felt like drawing pins from them BUT it passes. Of course sometimes there may be a bigger issue at play but for me, nothing was the ‘problem’ it just took my breasts a few weeks to settle in to the constant feeding etc.

Yes to the sweats! I didn’t k kw about that and it freaked me out! Also not having the bang love at first sight overwhelming love is totally normal!

Bit of a different one, but that is entirely possible it'll all be fine. That your c section might be painless (mine were, not a clue what a natural labour is like), that breastfeeding might be easy, that you might take to it like a duck to water and like you've been waiting to meet your baby your whole life.

You might get baby blues or PND, but equally you might be on an emotional high. Your lochia might not be like a horror movie but an average period. That you might not sweat or smell or lean milk or your hair fall out. Obviously these things do often happen but none of its a given.

Almost all the horrors stories, just occasionally everything goes well, and that woman is walking happily to the car with her floaty dress (not a white one though, no one is that nuts!) to happily enjoy post partum life with their baby. It's just all a matter of luck.

That you know more than you think, even as a first time mum - instincts are a powerful thing.

That birth can be a beautiful empowering thing and this is more likely if you are not scared. That you may feel really vulnerable lying in a ward surrounded by men snoring and other peoples husbands sleeping on the other side of a curtain to you.

After my third I realised not to bother with the faff of maternity pads and instead wore the disposable tena lady pants. Game changer for comfort, and ease of use)

if you have a section, you need high waisted everything (pants, pyjamas etc) as nothing worse than having a band from underwear/clothes rub on the wound.

if you are having vaginal birth, be ready for post care (those donut cushions were my best friend for about 2 weeks after as I just couldn’t sit without it due to the tear).

Be selfish. If you want to sleep, sleep. If you want to have a big welcome home party for everyone to see the baby, do it. If you want to be on your own with your boobs out for 3 days to try and master breastfeeding then do that. Point being, it’s a big things (physically and emotionally) so don’t be too strict on yourself and go with what you want (I tried to people please too much with my first and it was detrimental to my own mental and physical recovery!).

Don’t be embarrassed to use adult nappies for the 48hrs after giving birth due to heavy bleeding!

Not to go to hospital too early and get caught up in the medicalisation of it all - unless of course there are actual problems
walk about, have something to eat, do stuff that distracts you
when people tell you it will be painful imagine leg being sawn off type pain for a short period rather than stubbing your toe then it won’t be so scary and make you panic when it happens
and nothing can quite prepare you for the actual experience- they’re all different and how you will feel about it

All newborns scream like you're murdering them during nappy changes for a week or two. You're not doing it wrong and calm singing won't help!

A bloodbath isn't a given, so don't get too worried about it. For me it was a heavy period for a day then I was using normal sanitary pads for possibly 4 days. I did vomit a lot in labour though, but possibly that was because I ordered a curry half an hour before my first contraction and it seemed a shame to waste it!

That’s it’s perfectly ok to bottle feed a staving screaming baby and then do what you like when you get home safe and you are both relaxed. Nobody talks about mixed feeding and I had to navigate having no breast milk with arsehole midwives.

This is exactly it. There is absolutely no prize for suffering more. The only thing that matters is that you and your baby get through it safely. However you give birth is valid, pain relief, no pain relief, C-section, induction, water birth… all of it counts.

This is such a brutal one and so rarely talked about. Tears and stitches can make going to the toilet genuinely terrifying and painful. So many people end up using exactly the same tricks you did. It’s survival mode, not weakness.

I had sections but did experience contractions. I didn’t realise they were going to be at the bottom of my back and feeling like I need to poo a massive poo, I thought they would be in my stomach.

The fear of sneezing or coughing after a section is REAL 😂 It honestly feels like your insides might fall out.

No one warns you how dramatic that moment can be!

Oh my goodness… that is wild. The parking perk really doesn’t quite balance out the rest 😅 And the fact you’re still holding a grudge 25 years later says everything about how intense and unforgettable that experience was.

Thank you so much for sharing this, so much of this is exactly what people aren’t prepared for.

Vomiting in labour is definitely a thing and it can be relentless, so many people are shocked by it when it happens.
And what you said about the difference between speaking to a midwife vs a doctor is really important. That feeling of being pressured or rushed when you’re vulnerable can be so unsettling. I’m really glad you were able to stand your ground.

The postnatal wards… so many people describe exactly what you’ve said: the emotional crash after the birth high, the heat, the noise, the exhaustion and anxiety. It can be such a shock and such a rough introduction to early motherhood.

Two things, with me saying ‘don’t push’ was impossible, it was like being sick, I simply couldn’t have stopped it had I wanted to. The other was that you will still look pregnant after the birth. I naively thought I would miraculously be thin again.

Thank you so much for sharing this, this is such an important reminder to trust your instincts and shout if something feels wrong. Being shushed when you were right is so frightening, and what you went through afterwards sounds absolutely huge and traumatic. I’m really glad you were treated and that you’re okay.
And you’re so right, every labour can be completely different. Your story really shows how unpredictable birth can be, even across the same person’s pregnancies.

Thank you for sharing this so honestly.

This is such a real and helpful account. The after pains after second and subsequent births catch so many people out, lots genuinely think something is seriously wrong because no one warned them.

And yes to the constipation 😩 and yes to moving gently but regularly, it really does make a difference to recovery. Thank you for sharing such practical, honest advice.

This is SUCH an important one and not talked about enough. The difference between noisy, ineffective pushing and focused, directed pushing can be massive. It can completely change how long the pushing stage lasts and how exhausting it feels.

Thank you for sharing this, it will help so many people.

C section - they might be able to drop the screen if you ask them. It's not gory and you can see your child lifted out.

Day 3 or 4 is a hot mess of tears (crying) and milk.

This is such a fantastic, honest and generous list, honestly, it should be given to every new parent.

You’ve captured so much of the reality: changing plans, saying no, the adrenaline high and crash, the sweats, how hard breastfeeding can be, how brutal the newborn phase is, how nothing gets done, and how long it can take to feel like yourself again.
And I love what you said about asking for help and protecting bonding time, that’s so important and so often overlooked.

Thank you for taking the time to write all of this. 💛

This is such an important one to say out loud. Intrusive thoughts after birth are far more common than people realise, and they can be really frightening when you don’t know what they are.

Thank you for naming it, talking about it removes so much shame and fear.