What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth?

[MamaReadyUK]

I was chatting with a friend who’s currently pregnant and it made me realise how much you only really learn after you’ve been through it.

What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth? Could be practical, emotional, or even something funny.

Oh no 😩 That’s one of those comments that really doesn’t help after you’ve been through it. Prolonged labour is exhausting enough without hindsight commentary. You still did something incredibly hard and got through it, and that deserves recognition, not post-event analysis.

Yes, this is so underplayed. People focus so much on the birth and not enough on the recovery. Stitches can be really sore, stingy, and uncomfortable for weeks. You’re not being dramatic, it really can hurt a lot 😥

Thank you so much for saying this. So many parents think they’re failing or “a bad mum” when actually they’re unwell and overwhelmed. It takes real courage to go to the GP and ask for help.

And you’re right, spaces like this save people from feeling alone.

This is such valuable real-life advice. The anchor stitch pain can be genuinely frightening if you don’t know what it is, so many people think something has gone seriously wrong. And yes to the constipation warning 😩

Also love the pads tip, practical, honest, and exactly the kind of thing no one tells you beforehand.
And the ward… honestly, so many people say the same: hot, noisy, exhausting, zero sleep. It’s such a shock after everything you’ve already been through.

This is such a wise one. So many people go in with a plan, and sometimes your body and labour have completely different ideas. Back labour in particular can be brutal and really unexpected. Being open to changing plans isn’t failure, it’s adapting.

Wow, the pain of getting the stitches was worse than pushing for me…I had a doctor basically telling me to get a grip or I’d need to go to theatre…I nearly broke the gas and air mouthpiece whilst she was rummaging around in my VERY swollen nether regions trying to find the bit that needed stitched!!
I was lucky in that after being stitched up and having a shower I didn’t need as much as a paracetamol and didn’t have much pain at all but getting the stitches threw me!!

Yes. I had gestational diabetes and had to be induced. Ended up with emergency c section as i had sepsis and couldn't dilate past 7 cm. Given the odds (40% of women have c section in the uk and I am in my early 30s), I should just have opted for elective c section

Men don't always make the best birthing partners when things are not straightforward, especially if it's their first time, or they are callow. Birthing is women's work and you beed an experienced female relative available to advocate for you in case your labour lasts over 24 hours and you become semi-conscious.

I'm so glad you wrote this. I felt so abnormal, especially as I had a long, mismanaged birth that still makes me upset to think about it.

I felt awful that I didn't have this great swooshing feeling of love overcome me during pregnancy and that after the birth the absence of that feeling was even more notable. It grew slowly and steadily, and that was fine.

Also feelings of "What the fuck have I gotten myself into?" before / during / after birth are normal.

How to push

That if you feel you would be better supported by someone other than your partner have them there too!

you have to advocate for yourself

you can’t be discharged without two successful feeds. If you are breastfeeding and struggling stand your ground when they push formula and get support before you leave. Also they fucking can give you better painkillers than paracetamol if you are breastfeeding those ones just cost more so they mislead you.

not all midwives can spot a toung tie.

take a hair band

you don’t loose the belly the next day

you have to actually deliver the placenta it doesn’t just flop out on its own.

sometimes an episiotomy is not medically needed they just want you to hurry the fuck up. And yes they can stitch you up wrong which happens much more with episiotomy.

make sure you can teach the call button if you’ve had a c section and they leave you alone to care for the baby before you have feeling and function back. This happened to me and I’m amazed how many women say they had the same when I mention it.

I know it sounds stupid, but you actually have to push 😂 all the books I read said how "it just happens".. I was a bit thrown in the end!

And the stinging when you pee for weeks afterwards if you have a graze! Again, that totally threw me..

And back-to-back labour! Had no idea what it was, I was expecting everything to be in my stomach - I had contractions on and off all day but didn't realise as it was all in my back!

(I realise these all make me sound like I was a kid when I had a baby, but I was 29! I promise, I did read some books & join some classes!)

Apologies if these have already been mentioned. In no particular order

• afterpains are fucking hideous
• inadvertently doing a poo during the pushing stage
• feeling like you want to kill everyone around you at some point because you think you are nearly ready to push but are in fact only four cm but are so are off your face on gas and air and puking but if they take it off you you will in fact murder someone.
• How awful the first pee after you’ve given birth is if you haven’t had a c section
• That delivering the placenta can be a nasty mini second labour
• ability to drink and appreciate even the most disgusting cup of tea ever but it tastes like the first g & t of your summer holiday
• when you run out of sanitary towels your young toddlers pull up nappy pants ripped at the seams and fashioned into makeshift sani pads in the middle of the night are fucking brilliant and even better than the real deal

DD was induced. It went well. However, you can, and I did, insist on an epidural before they switch on the oxytocin. Labour started spontaneously at that point.

If a midwife laughs at you, call it out. Similarly, if a midwife raises her voice and tells you off, in my case because I unknowingly bled on the bedsheets you know, because I'd just had a baby it is perfectly OK to give a hard paddington stare and ask the creature who she thinks she's speaking to.

IME about 50% of midwives are exceptionally rude, you can call it out and ask for someone more polite professional.

1. Another vote for The blood! No one told me you'd bleed during birth. There was loads of it and i panicked.

1. Also the waters broke really near the end for me. Was expecting that to happen a lot earlier.

1. The stitches hurt. So did the after pains.

1. First births can go fast, I just made it to the hospital

That you absolutely almost likely will (very likely with first baby) tear and need stitches.
I was young, and all my midwife did pre birth was hand me a A5 leaflet explaining what stitches were. I didn't actually absorb that I wouldn't walk out the hospital the same pain free, swelling free way I walked in.
I couldn't even wear my underwear due to the swelling, it was only after birth when the midwife said we need to stitch you up that I realised it would happen.

I recommend the Tena Lady disposable underwear to anyone post birth, no leaks, no discomfort from thick pads and underwear (especially with swelling).

Also after pains can happen after your first baby too! Mine lasted 24 hours with my first and 48 hours with my second.

This 100%, I thought I was prepared ha! Breastfeeding was awful, I didn’t know what I was doing and in the post birth haze I was spiralling thinking that I’m not providing my baby what he needs. I wouldn’t wish that mental state on anyone. There was no logic, just this deep gut wrenching feeling that I was already failing my baby on the most primal level.

Yes, another vote for breastfeeding. You only have two priorities after birth: looking after yourself and establishing feeding.

How scary your first poo will seem after giving birth… especially if you had stitches

That you know your own body more than what they tell you!

They told me I was in very early labour and needed to be strong or how would I cope late on, that I shouldn’t make noise, that I had to lay down. The pain stayed strong, and I kept saying the baby was coming and I needed to change positions and they kept saying it can’t be (even though it was!).

Plus, that it’s great to advocate for yourself even if it feels a bit alien to not just ‘do as you are told’. Tough to do that for a first birth though.

This. Second time round I took an eye mask and ear plugs and made such a difference! Also flip flops and make sure the charger is a long one. I see people on 'what I'm packing in my hospital bag' packing proper dressing gowns and I shake my head.

Everyone is stupid and slow when you rely on them for help
keep a diary of some sort even if it’s a note on your phone as you forget everything

Forget maternity disposable pants. Buy at least 10 pairs of the cheapest biggest cotton pants you can.
Take a small plastic jug to the hospital , when you go for your first post-birth wee fill the jug with tepid/warm water and pour it over your vulva while you pee - makes it far more bearable!
Baby needs to learn how to breastfeed too.
When you get home forget housework, give yourself permission to recover and just cuddle your baby and sleep as much as you can.
Batch cook and fill the freezer beforehand, get in ready meals and nutritious snacks.
Only allow visits when YOU are ready, and get visitors to help with housework, make their own tea etc. If they are close enough to visit that early, they are close enough to find their own way round the kitchen.

I had this (breech twins). I still bled for 8 weeks, bled from my C section scar which got infected, bled from my cracked nipples, bled from this weird pregnancy related skin condition I had, leaked milk, had mastitis, etc etc. there is no easy way out! ❤️

No one told me this but I wished they had as I thought I was having a heart attack. It’s normal to shake uncontrollably after giving birth! Even my jaw was shaking, making my upper/lower teeth hit