What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth?

[MamaReadyUK]

I was chatting with a friend who’s currently pregnant and it made me realise how much you only really learn after you’ve been through it.

What do you wish someone had told you before giving birth? Could be practical, emotional, or even something funny.

You might not get the film moment if falling in love at first sight with the baby. It could take a few days for that love to happen as you start recovering from the shock of birth

Sadly this does happen sometimes, and it really shouldn’t. You deserve to be listened to. Bringing a birth partner who can advocate for you can make a huge difference too.

And yes, the post-birth body smell is very real and very normal (hormones + fluid shifts!).

Breast feeding can be hard. Night sweats and accompanying smells are horrible!

This is such an important one to say out loud. Natural does not mean easy. For many people it takes time, support, tears and practice, and that’s completely okay. You’re not failing.

Mine was exactly the same!!

I was begging and crying for one and they kept fobbing me off.

Then they finally said it was too late and I can’t have one now, even though I had been crying and begging them for hours!

I was a teenager, I was alone, I was induced and had no pain relief and it was the worst experience of my life.

People don’t seem to believe me when I say they wouldn’t give me an epidural and so it’s comforting to know I am not the only one who experienced it 💐

Say no to the laxatives afterwards ... I shat myself walking up my stairs 🙄🙃😂😂

That the emotions, hormones will hit you hard and you’ll feel angry, sad, tearful etc even months after giving birth. Also, that hormones will eventually go back to normal so don’t be hard on yourself and realise your body did wonderful things and the hormones slowly will get back to normal and don’t beat yourself up 😎

Postnatal wards can be overwhelming, noisy and exhausting, especially when your emotions and hormones are all over the place.

Feeling anxious, teary or on edge in those first days is so, so common and rarely talked about enough.

Tbh well over half of the huge amount of information I had beforehand was completely useless, and in some ways actively harmful, because birth is so different for everyone.

There were a few gems in the mix, but I didn’t know what they were until I got there, and they might not be right for others. The single most important one was a quote from a Mexican midwife who said that ‘we tell our mothers that they have to be brave to give birth’.

I was so terrified of the first poo post birth that I took Fybogel and a 2 litre bottle of water into the delivery room with me, and I don’t regret that. But it might have been fine anyway? Who knows.

After a very difficult protracted labour my midwife said I thought you would need a c-section. Great advice after the event!

That the stitches after can be so f’in painful 😥

The placenta surprises almost everyone 😅 And yes, vomiting, fainting, shaking and after pains are all surprisingly common after birth. The body has just done something huge and is suddenly recalibrating.

I would also suggest discussing baby blues and PND.

I thought I was an awful mum and I had so much shame going to the gp about it.

I think MN is amazing for things like this.

3 c-sections (2 emergency, 1 elective). Wish I'd known that the "anchor stitch", especially after my 3rd section, caused so much pain! I genuinely thought there was something seriously wrong as I couldn't lift my right leg; but it was the anchor stitch.

Constipation after C-sections 2 and 3 (especially 2) was horrific. Take that lactulose or some form of laxative ASAP!

Always Size 6 pads are a game changer. I found the maternity branded pads less comfortable, the size 6 Always are huge and reassuring yet comfortable. Even my midwife was impressed with them when I whacked one on when I was allowed pants back on after my last birth!

The ward afterwards is horrible. Genuinely the worst nights of my life. Loud, hot, people constantly in and out. Be prepared for it!

Constipation after birth is no joke, especially on iron 😖 This is such a good reminder that people can and should discuss their options and how they’re feeling.

Everyone’s situation and clinical need is different, but no one should be suffering in silence.

Be open minded about pain relief, interventions etc, you don’t know what it will be like until you’re in it.

I wish I’d known about back labour!

That genuinely no one gives two hoots about your birth choices. Do what you can to get yourself and baby through it safely.

As one extremely successful professional colleague said to me as I went on my first mat leave “you know no one gives you a fucking medal for having no pain relief or a natural birth don’t you?”

That’s exactly how I felt. I was wondering where is that unconditional love that I don’t feel. However it was a gradual process.

They really do, and they can be just as shocking and intense in a different way. Having a baby in an ambulance is not something anyone expects, but it happens more often than people realise! I hope you were both okay in the end 💛

That going to the toilet after a tear and stitches would leave you in tears. Every single time. For days afterwards. I ended up having to run shallow baths so I could pee in there and it was less painful.

Yes!! This catches so many people out. It really can feel like “wait… are we doing this again?!” 😅 It’s the womb contracting back down, and while it’s a good thing, it can be surprisingly uncomfortable, especially after second or subsequent babies.

Definitely something we should warn people about more.

That when you sneeze after a c section you feel like you could die 🤣

I’m really sorry you experienced that. The word “contractions” honestly doesn’t do it justice, they are huge, powerful waves and can be completely overwhelming if you’re not prepared for the reality.

And no one should feel dismissed or fobbed off when asking for pain relief. You deserved to be listened to and supported.

That the reason why this hospital has such great parking is because it has a no pain relief in labour and delivery policy. Even for inductions.

DH was delighted with his preferred (and free) parking spot.
I was less than delighted and had much more intense concerns than parking once labour started and the contractions were too strong to allow me to make a break for it.

Still holding something of a grudge 25 years later.

That “I need to poo” feeling is such a classic sign baby is right there, but no one really tells you that beforehand!

And you’re right, many people don’t realise elective caesarean is even an option. I’m really sorry you ended up without the pain relief you wanted, that must have been incredibly tough.