Due 2 weeks before wedding!

[Colliedogwalker]

Hello,
I have just found out i am pregnant and due 2 weeks before my wedding. Unfortunately wedding insurance dose not help for this and alot has already been paid.
First time mother and needing to know really what its like the first two weeks after. I fully understand everyone is different but i want to be as prepared as possible.

😍

I definitely agree with the majority. I had a pretty straightforward birth and recovery, and there's no chance I would have wanted a wedding two weeks later. My baby was only ever sleeping, feeding, or crying. They can cry for ages at that point. Its a challenging time - 100% worth it, but really hard work, and you don't want to be doing anything else. I barely left bed.

There's no way I would have been able to do this. I quite honestly felt like I might not survive the first few weeks after coming home with my LO. So completely and utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally, delirious with sleep deprivation, recovering from an unplanned C-section, and an awful bout of mastitis accompanied by a temperature, all over body aches, and severe chills.

congratulations @Colliedogwalker !

best case scenario, you’re still pregnant and it may still be a lovely day although you might be a bit tired and obvi not able to drink as much , everyone is different but that would be a no no for me.

other scenario is - Baby could be early and there could be complications with either you or baby. Newborn jaundice is very common where they need to go back into hosptial and have light therapy. My baby didn’t put on weight as quickly as she should have done - we managed to avoid a hospital admission but some parents have to go back in until they’re feeding properly.

If you’ve had the baby and you’re both fine physically, you will be in the newborn trenches of exhaustion which I think is made worse by breastfeeding. (I say this as someone who bf for a year and am extremely pro bf) I didn’t realise this but a normal breastfeed is anything between 15-45 mins long, then a lot of babies need to be burped or held up for 15-30 mins after that otherwise they vomit everywhere. You may be hormonal. I certainly was and fiercely protective - I was happy for people to hold my baby but the minute she cried I wanted her back in my arms - I was the easiest person to settle her because I was bf. This did calm down within the coming weeks but for me the hormonal instinct was intense like a lioness with her cubs. I just wouldn’t have wanted to go to anything that wasn’t relaxed and on my terms whilst feeling like that.

The other thing you’re maybe not considering is this newborn will have no immunity at all. I know you’re due in summer but I would still rather the bay is not passed around loads of people who may have bugs when they’re so tiny. Maybe you’re having a smaller wedding so not an issue but if baby get sa could or a cold when so tiny it’s just another bad nights sleep to deal with plus you feel awful for them - they can’t clear their own noses or anything.

Maybe you are planning a very different wedding to mine - whilst my wedding day was the best day of my life - it didn’t feel calm and relaxing - you’re up early doors for hair and make up, with photos, need to grab something to eat, then ceremony, trying to catch up with all the guests, more photos, more small talk, dinner, speeches, cake first. Dance, more guests arrive, more small talk - i loved it but it was the least low key day of my life. Personally I would want to avoid anything remotely like that when you may have a 2 week newborn. You need rest and snacks, fluids and maybe pain relief depending on how your baby is born.

i know you say you’re speaking to vendors - for us the majority of the costs were paid 2-3 weeks before and it was only deposits at this stage - which is Ofc annoying to lose but that’s life. I genuinely think it would be so much worse to go ahead with this plan

I got married 10 weeks after and I don’t regret it but would absolutely not have managed two weeks. I didn’t fit in my dress even though I didn’t really put weight on and had to buy a new one 4 days before. It was also not the right environment for a baby that age even he was very well looked after. That’s just a snippet of what we faced, it was stressful AF.

oh, also, we all got covid.

Just move it. Forward by 3 months if you can. Or back by 6.

At 2 weeks postpartum I was still in a nappy, nips were bleeding, my feet were so swollen I still couldn't wear shoes. We were regularly going over 24 hours without any sleep, my newborn would just not close her eyes. I was barely up for popping to aldi, I would 100% NOT be attending a wedding, especially my own, that freshly postpartum.
I know everyone is different but I've tried to be honest for you. You need to rearrange your dates somehow, you really won't want to be walking down the aisle with a giant nappy on or have leaking milk ruin your dress. A fresh newborn baby shouldn't be around lots of people or be passed around to, I just can't see how it would work

With my first I was back to normal immediately, showering and wearing makeup as soon as I got home. I was young though. I have 3 children and find that the pure exhaustion doesn’t kick in for a good month or so. The first month I’m running on adrenaline.
You may go the full 2 weeks overdue though? I would try and scale back the wedding as much as possible and have it really small or speak to your vendors and see if they’ll let you change the date free of charge.

Oh gosh yes I forgot about the chills! Weeks and weeks of waking up drenched, I stunk!

Oh my god, you poor things!

Trust me try to change it anything can happen 1st babies are often late so you will be potentially only a few days pp , what if you need a section or there's complications resulting in a week long hospital stay for baby to have iv anti biotics there's a multitude of scenarios that could happen and I just wouldn't risk it .

I’ve heard of these but so so glad I never had to experience it 🤣 it’s so weird because. Poor OP is probably sweating herself reading all of this now 🤣🤣Despite it all - it really is such a joyous time - I mean that sincerely - I think maybe I was high on oxytocin but I would go back to the newborn phase now. Please don’t feel worried @Colliedogwalker there's a lot of horror stories here (in part because some of it is truly like a horror story) but the bit you can’t imagine is how amazing your newborn will make you feel, and your toddler and your 5 year old and your teen etc. it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Just if you have any way at all to get this wedding date changed please do it. Any big plans like going to weddings in the first 3-4 months I agreed to but caveated with it all depends on how I’m feeling / baby is . If people needed a definitive answer I just said no because I’d rather that than accept and then either feel bad because I didn’t want to go but felt I had to or let someone down last minute.

if you keep the date the same - there’s a chance that things might be great if everything lines up magically and I wish that for you. But the flip side and there’s a very real chance is also that you’ll be dreading your wedding day, not enjoy it or will have to cancel it altogether - not sure if you have guests coming far or booking transport / hotels but if that’s the case not only will you have lost yourself more money than you will lose if you cancel now, but your guests will also be out of pocket for something totally avoidable

I was 10 days late with my 2nd DC and went to in laws for Christmas Day 7 days post birth and hated it. The thought of attending my own wedding immediately after giving birth is giving me palpitations so I think the OP just has no clue how hard labour and delivery can be and how little sleep she will have had by the day of her wedding.

oh god yes! think of all the people at the wedding holding a very newborn baby and kissing it & passing it round like a parcel!! It only takes one person with a cold sore for a baby to get seriously ill and even die. I'd not even thought about that side of things. Also if OP is planning on bf then newborns tend to just feed for first few weeks to establish the milk flow. She'll need a suitable wedding dress for starters. I had to sit with cushions all around me with my 1st. I'd easily feed for an hour then she'd want feeding 90 mins later.

I had an emergency c section for my first, I felt I had been run over by a bus for 3 weeks after, couldn’t attend a wedding let along organise or attend my own. I would 100% bring it forward or delay. It’s not just attending an event, you are organising the event which is a lot of work and stress. You will want to be bonding with your baby. As others have said , you don’t know if you will have complications (second one I was in and out of hospital with jaundice), baby may not sleep, you may struggle to feed. As much as it’s only a few close family, do you want so many people around your newborn in case of germs etc (not necessarily bother me but something to think about)
congratulations on your wedding and baby x

i went over with both of babies. First was born 13 days after due date and we were in the nicu for another 10 days.
second was a week late, in for 3 extra nights because I was unwell.

even if baby is on time/ early you’ll be bleeding, recovering from birth/ surgery, trying to breastfeed, dealing with cluster feeding/ sore leaky boobs.

day to day life is achievable for some woman, not a fricking wedding. 😂

I'm currently 40 weeks pregnant (due today) and baby shows no sign of coming any time soon. If I was getting married in 2 weeks I'd be panicking!

Out of my antenatal group, 3 have had babies so far. One got readmitted to hospital a few days after birth due to jaundice, one had an emergency C-section.

Definitely not worth the risk. The chance of you giving birth by 5 days after your due date (which could still be pushed later if you haven't had 12 week scan yet) is actually only 50% so it's more likely you'll be late than early.

This actually happened to a friend of mine, she brought the wedding forward, she was very pregnant and we were all a bit concerned baby might come early but it ended up being a lovely day.

I am 11 days postpartum with DS2. I was in hospital for 2 days post birth and then re admitted for 3 days a few days later (everything is ok though). I’m sat in bed, sore and uncomfortable from a C-section and my healing is going well (or as planned). I can walk, but not far / for long. I’m bleeding heavily, my boobs leak / spurt milk constantly and I’m changing tops regularly. The night sweats have kicked in and I feel sweaty and smelly (despite showering). My tummy feels like jelly. I’m breastfeeding for the second time so it’s a lot easier but it’s taking time to navigate. My days have no routine or structure. I’m sleep deprived, hormonal and tired. Seeing family / friends for an hour or two for visits feels exhausting. I’ve done it before - it’s far far easier than with DS1 but this is still my reality. I cannot begin to imagine attending a wedding in a few days, let alone my own. I would regret it, and I think you will too.

Enjoy your wedding when you are recovered and can focus on it. Focus on your postpartum recovery and your baby without the stress of a wedding looming. Both are big events - don’t mix them.

I would move what you can. Could you have the ceremony on the planned date and then have the reception later, for instance? I just think you need to give yourself as much wriggle room as possible. My LO was in the NICU for a week after birth (all was absolutely fine)-- hopefully this will not happen to you but it's something to be mindful of. I'd plan for things not necessarily going to plan, e.g. an emergency c section, and then if all does go to plan you'll have a lovely reception to look forward to with your new baby!

I had two textbook births, was home within a few hours and out and about a couple of days later, there is absolutely no way on God’s green earth I could have got married two weeks later (well a few days cause my first was 10 days late and my second was 9 days late).
I got married in June, the run up and the day itself is absolutely exhausting.
It’ll be nigh on impossible, postpone, bring it forward, do whatever you need to but you don’t need that kind of pressure.

There’s absolutely no way in hell I could have even contemplated going to a wedding, let alone being at my own wedding 2 weeks after.

Not a chance will this work im afraid, move the wedding forwards to early spring or move it back a year later

Honestly, you would be insane to go ahead with this for a whole number of reasons. There's far too many variables and do you really want to be bleeding, leaking milk, and exhausted on your wedding day? You'll have to postpone or cut your losses and cancel if you want to continue with this pregnancy.

I think being heavily pregnant or recently postpartum is completely incompatible with a wedding day. Obviously there's also the chance that you might be in labour/hospital on your wedding day. You need to rearrange.

Please look at postponing a few months OP! You’ll be thankful in the long run. I’d say get the “4th trimester” over with at least! What if you go overdue or they keep you in hospital for a while afterwards? You could literally be in hospital on your wedding day. If your delivery is complicated, you could have stitches or a c-section and you may not even be properly walking by then. You’ll be exhausted, sore and emotional even if it goes smoothly.

My postpartum was relatively straightforward, I actually wondered what all the fuss was about as even with a planned section I was up and about within days, went out for a meal for my birthday at a week pp, was out for short trips to coffee shops or short walks round the block within the first few weeks. Even then I would not have felt up to putting on a wedding dress and having a full wedding day, it would have been too much and too exhausting, I was still sore, hormones running wild and getting to grips with feeding. I’m sure we were still having almost daily midwife checks at 2 weeks pp as DS wasn’t back up to birth weight and they almost had to readmit us to hospital to be put on a feeding plan (thankfully it didn’t come to that but they monitored him very closely).

You don’t know what’s to happen as everyone has a different experience. You will definitely still be bleeding (with a white dress!), milk supply will be all over the place and if you’re breastfeeding the cluster feeding is real. I remember being nearly 1.5hrs late for our first meal out with friends when DS was 2 weeks old as he started to cluster feed an hour before we were leaving and didn’t stop. Imagine if that meal had been my wedding ceremony! Postpartum is the most magical time in your baby bubble, but it is a very unpredictable time and the last thing you need is a wedding.

I had to delay my wedding due to covid and I can reassure you that while moving it back sounds daunting, it was pretty straightforward as I wasn’t full on cancelling so suppliers just shifted the date. If invites haven’t been sent yet then no worries there, if they have then once the date is secured get some new save the dates sorted and put a quick message about having to change the date. Once you’ve announced your pregnancy they’ll surely understand. Also, if you haven’t found a dress yet, keep in mind easy access for breastfeeding (if you plan on doing that of course) and speak to the seamstress to ensure the dress you choose is easily altered up to a few sizes, as depending how far back you move your wedding, you may not be back into post-baby size yet (I’m 3 years pp and just about there now!). Good luck OP!