Should I give my baby clothes to my sister?

[Francescarae]

My baby is 4 months old she’s an IVF baby and I’m planning to transfer another embryo next year, my sister has just found out that she’s pregnant and has said she wants all my baby items and I’m not sure how I feel about this, I planned to organise them and put them away for my hopefully future baby, I feel very attached to her baby clothes and the thought of them going elsewhere makes me want to cry, does this make me a bad person if I don’t give them to my sister? I am definitely going to try and have another baby in the next 7 months.

Also even if I do get them back they will be third hand by that point and might not be well looked after, she even wants her Moses basket and next to me crib etc, I’ve really looked after everything so we won’t have to buy it again, also they have a lot more money than we do and we will have to pay for our embryo transfer so then buying more baby items will be expensive.

I just planned on putting it all away and then sorting through it with excitement next time I am hopefully pregnant and planned on looking at my next baby in the same clothes etc and reminiscing about my first baby wearing them.

i know I could not a baby the same gender as the first but i still feel attached and it’s still possible I could have another girl.

thoughts please x

Sort out a few things to give her, ones that you have duplicates of and then tell her you are keeping the rest.

Sorry sis, we're going to try again really soon so I'm hanging on to them.

No further discussion needed.
Good luck!

YANBU. Don’t lend her anything that you’d be upset to not get back.
Does she know you’re hoping for a second child?

This. Even if you don’t want to go in to details about when and how, a simple ‘we bought the items with having future DC in mind’ will suffice.

I’d keep your absolute favourites and send some across but expect she’d add some stuff too which would only be second hand. I’d also be absolutely clear that you need any stuff back regardless of whether her baby is fully through it. I might even have that conversation in front of your mum.

If she lives close, you get on and you might help each other with a lot of childcare I’d be even more inclined to help.

But if you think she’s less likely to look after things and there’s more to it, I could understand saying that you hope number 2 won’t be long, so sorry, just a few bits.

It would help if hers was the opposite sex.

Yeah I’d just give her a few bits which were stained or I wasn’t so keen on, and tell her you’re keeping the big equipment in case you have another. My sister gave me some baby clothes but wanted them back in case another, I couldn’t be bothered keeping track of what was hers to return so just declined after the first lot. I wouldn’t have dreamed of telling someone else I expected their baby clothes or equipment either?! I was given a lot by various people but they always offered!!

yes she knows we are transferring another embryo next May which is when her baby is due, I just really want to keep them but worry I look mean and family members have said “oh great at leased she won’t have to buy baby stuff”

Tell her no. You're keeping your stuff in case you're lucky enough to have another successful pregnancy. She's a cheeky cow, did your parents never tell her that I want doesn't get.

Maybe I could give her the stuff that we didn’t use as we didn’t like it, I just also want to know it’s all here safely ready for when we hopefully have another, she did say I can then give you more baby clothes back too as she will buy things too but I’m happy just to use what we have and add to it as it’s exciting

Stop worrying about how you look - it’s completely normal to not hand things down until after you know you’re finished with kids. All my hand me downs were offerred not asked for as well.

You don’t think I look mean if I say no? I agree it’s a bit cheeky to expect, also I had nothing given to me when I was pregnant by anyone so spent a lot of money on nice clothes

Can she not borrow the next to me and bouncer etc? It’ll be ready for you again after six months (before you’re even due) and not a lot can really happen to stuff like that. New mattress and you’re away.

Yea this makes sense to keep until you’re done having kids

"she won't have to buy baby stuff"?? Who says that?? I've been incredibly lucky and was gifted all sorts of hand me downs from different people for my babies. Some bits were requested to be returned for a potential future baby and some weren't. But I didn't ask for any of the hand-me-downs! Regardless of if someone wants to keep them for a future baby or if they just want to store things in the attic for eternity, that's entirely their choice. There's no automatic right to someone else's stuff. You have every right to decline politely and keep your stuff yourself. There's plenty of secondhand stuff out there she can buy. You don't owe her anything. Good luck with your next transfer x

I don't really understand how this becomes an issue. Did she literally say to you "I want all of your baby things including X,Y,Z?" Why didn't you just say no at the time?

Nah. Give her a few bits but totally reasonable for you to want to hang on to most

we gave loads of baby stuff away to BIL
and SIL when they were expending their first. But we were 100% comfortable at that point that we weren’t having any more babies!

you can pick up loads of very cheap stuff at baby sales

As it’s your sister is maybe sort through and pick out a few things you could lend her. Some clothes that aren’t your favorites and some of the bigger things that don’t really matter if another baby has them before your next one like the bouncer. Keep all your favorite clothes and the noses basket and tell her you are keeping everything for your next baby but your happy to lend her some things for your niece/nephew.

I’d share the Moses basket and next to me crib, but say (preferably in front of other family members) that you’ll (hopefully) need it back when your next baby is due - whether they’re done with it or not. Unless she’s someone who wouldn’t look after it or potentially give it back. There’s no reason they shouldn’t stay in good condition.

But baby clothes I’d keep. Maybe sort through a few that have got stained or you’re not so keen on, or you have too many of- but most of the things I’d just keep hold of. Would she be likely to hand down any new bits she has to you?

Ultimately, it depends how your relationship is with her and how responsible/respectful of other people’s things she is as to what I’d be willing to share.

Can you give it as 1 box ‘newborn’ and then say you need it back to store as soon as she’s done. Then hand over the next box ‘1-3’ and explain you also need that back as soon as she’s done. Nothing wishy washy.

I do think it’s a bit mean, my friend was in the same situ and she gave everything to her brother and got it all back with extras.

Ive saved everything except clothes (too bulky!),for my sister - I’ve kept some special bits though.

sharing baby clothes and seeing them worn by family/ friends can be so sweet and joyful!

all my clothes went to a friend and she regularly sends me pics of her baby in my baby’s clothes. She’s now handed them on to another friend, so I get pics of her baby too! It’s very nostalgic.

You are right there is no right to someone else’s stuff this makes me feel a bit better about it, I said to my partner I would rather go out and spend a couple of hundred pounds on new stuff for her not to give my baby’s items over but that’s just stupid.

thank you so much x

Yes that’s what she said I I felt awkward I didn’t really know what to say

Also for the early months ‘third hand’ is still barely worn!

My baby’s clothes were a mix of new
and second hand… they’re now onto their 4th baby and still look lovely.

I get that but will also want to be nostalgic seeing my next baby wear them

I think it's a bit mean not to lend her the bigger items like moses basket, baby bath, crib etc. I think its fair enough to hang onto clothes although I would give her some bits. It's your sister not some random person.

I've had 3 babies and I lent my stuff to my brother for his two babies too. So it was used by 5 babies in the end and we still sold it for a few quid at the end...it still had life left in it. I have to admit I felt a bit resentful at times that he hadn't had to buy anything and we had spent thousands. But I talked myself out of that sort of meanness.

Do you trust her to look after stuff and return when she is finished with it?
Plenty families pass baby stuff around

Clothes few things to consider sex and season. If you have summer babies vs winter babies the clothes they need will be different.
I'd pick out your favourite stuff and keep them to the side and pass on other stuff which you might never use or need again