Should I give my baby clothes to my sister?

[Francescarae]

My baby is 4 months old she’s an IVF baby and I’m planning to transfer another embryo next year, my sister has just found out that she’s pregnant and has said she wants all my baby items and I’m not sure how I feel about this, I planned to organise them and put them away for my hopefully future baby, I feel very attached to her baby clothes and the thought of them going elsewhere makes me want to cry, does this make me a bad person if I don’t give them to my sister? I am definitely going to try and have another baby in the next 7 months.

Also even if I do get them back they will be third hand by that point and might not be well looked after, she even wants her Moses basket and next to me crib etc, I’ve really looked after everything so we won’t have to buy it again, also they have a lot more money than we do and we will have to pay for our embryo transfer so then buying more baby items will be expensive.

I just planned on putting it all away and then sorting through it with excitement next time I am hopefully pregnant and planned on looking at my next baby in the same clothes etc and reminiscing about my first baby wearing them.

i know I could not a baby the same gender as the first but i still feel attached and it’s still possible I could have another girl.

thoughts please x

The fact that she just announced she wants them, would really put me off giving them to her. How cheeky is that?! If she politely asked in a “Oo I was just wondering…no worries if not as I know you might want to hang onto them…but is there any chance I’d be able to have some of your baby hits that you won’t need anymore?” sort of way, then I’d be a bit more inclined to give her things. But the way she had just told you she wants them, and the rest of your family are backing it up, is really irritating.

I agree with others though, maybe give her the big things like the crib, and then just a load of plain vests and bits you’re not bothered about. Make it clear you want them back though. And keep your cute outfits and babygrows that you have an attachment to, I wouldn’t even consider lending these just in case anything happens to them and you don’t get them back, you’d end up really resenting her.

I think its really cheeky of her to expect you to give them to her. I would say I want to use them again so I'm keeping them. Maybe sort her a decent size bag of bits. I wouldn't be giving her the big bits it. Likely she would give it back or it wouldn't be usable when it comes back

Unless you want the items back no I wouldn’t pass them on. I gave my SIL my sons items which I did want back for the next child, they’ve all managed to be lost/handed to her sisters etc…

I've seen plenty of posts on here where people passed on baby stuff and expected it back only to find that the CF's who 'borrowed' it actually sold it on and then got snippy when challenged.
Just give her the things you didn't use/want OP and tell her you are keeping the rest for your next baby. If anyone else in your family thinks you are being unreasonable tell them your sister can well afford to buy her own stuff like you did.

This is such a lovely idea I could definitely buy her a nice Moses basket and keep mine, I’m not sure that a Moses basket would last more than two babies anyway, my daughter is 4 months and still in hers so its had a lot of use, I’m sure would do another baby but probably not a third. and give her a few bits and keep the rest, I’m happy to lend her my baby swing also.

i wonder if we have more of an attachment to baby items after infertility x

I don’t think it’s remotely unreasonable to keep hold of baby stuff when you’re hoping to try for another baby.

My sister had our cot, pram, and high chair, but we’d finished having babies. Otherwise I’d have kept hold of them.

I gave my sister all my maternity clothes and baby stuff. I bought some pre used too. She used it, bought some more then passed it back to me when I had my second DC. I passed it back again for her second DC. We both bought new to supplement what given. It worked because we were not pregnant at the same time. You don't have to share if you don't want to OP. It depends on how close you are with your sister. My DD and my dniece swopped their prom dresses to go to a second event. They were both size 10. I know they also went on to have a maternity wardrobe between them when they both had their DC. As cousins they are exceptionally close, more like sisters. They both said it saved them a lot of money.

Yes it seems that’s the common theme reading the comments doesn’t it that things haven’t come back or have been ruined, I don’t even mind buying a lot of nice new things for my niece or nephew obviously I’m happy to do that and would have done anyway just want to hang onto my baby’s things for hopefully my next baby which I will try and have next year x

Honestly I think even just practically/financially giving baby stuff away when you yourself are not done having babies is madness really. I’m currently 8 months pregnant with my second baby, my first was a girl and this time we’re having a boy, one of my best friends is having a little girl so I said she could have whatever she wanted from my daughter’s old clothes (other than certain sentimental bits that I wanted to keep) once we found out we weren’t going to be using them again but no way would I have given them away before I knew. I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of then asking for them back, hoping they came back in usable condition and not too well worn/bobbly/stained etc.

Same with the bigger bits like the next to me crib etc, once I’m done with them I’ll absolutely be happy to pass them on but these things can so easily be damaged, stained, marked, even accidentally, that I wouldn’t risk having bought it myself, loaning it to someone and then having to buy it again if it didn’t come back in good condition.

If she is struggling financially then Vinted/marketplace is her best friend and she can get everything she needs secondhand anyway. Some of the bundles on Vinted are literally £2/3 for 10+ items!

I always thought I might give it over to her after I’d had my second baby as then I would be done having kids. she wasn’t planning on having one for 3 years but then got pregnant accidentally

Nah, I would just tell her that you’re keeping them because you’re going to try for another baby.

I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re being totally reasonable doing that.

That’s so lovely and so nice how close they are. My sister and I are twins so very very close she’s my best friend but I still want to keep my baby clothes, I’m happy to spoil my niece or nephew and buy them lots of things x

So glad I helped! I know I’m more attached to them because it was so hard to have dd but I’m so glad I kept them. Dd 18 loves looking through them with me now and then and I look forward to giving them to her babies one day. I have given a few bits to my new great niece that my sister who’s no longer here gave me so it’s a bit like she’s giving them to her first grandchild.
I’m sure some items will be easy to let go but others will be treasured memories for you in the years to come. They grow up so quickly. Wishing you lots of luck with your ET in May.

I wouldn’t. Yrs ago I leant a sheepskin of my 1st baby to my ( then) SisIL she then subleant to her Sis even tho I’d said I wanted it back"…hence it’s on loan…so of course I never saw it again. SisIL’s ‘excuse’ was ‘my baby didn’t get on with it very well’, ……
Only give your sis what you never want to see again.

Yea I think that’s it, I’m sure I will be happy to pass them on once I know I won’t need them anymore but I want them to stay perfect for my next baby and I spend a lot of money on them, that’s the nice thing about a second baby you don’t have to re purchase everything.

also I know how often babies are sick etc and clothes go bobbly so easily after multiple washes.

they don’t need them financially, they have lots of money infact a lot more than us, and we will be paying for our IVF so money will be tight for us so really don’t want to have to go out a re purchase, if I find out I’m not having a girl I will get them rid of the girly bits then some of the stuff is unisex anyway so I’m sure lots I can re use anyway x

You are not mean...

You've paid for your baby clothes and want to keep them in case you need them again.

If your family call you "mean" then they are being mean.

Your sister can afford her own stuff. So let her.

Put them off, if you don't want to be direct stall. and please don't be bullied into giving away stuff you want and may need and are concerned wouldn't arrive back in the same condition.

Donate a bag of stuff you don't mind giving away and call it that.

Also. Why do you have to buy things and give them away. You could sell them to get some of the money back.

Aww that’s lovely. Thank you x

I did think this too, i was going to keep everything and if I find out I didn’t have another girl I could then put the girls stuff (apart from the sentimental bits) on Vinted and use the money to buy boys items.

i spend A LOT of money on baby things x

IVF or not, of you’re attached, it’s yours, then you don’t owe your stuff to anyone! I don’t get why this is mean. If I have a lamp and you need one, do you expect my lamp? It’s mine. Go get your own. I guess this isn’t really something I heard of until two years ago so I just think it’s massively entitled to demand your stuff as a gift.

Just keep them. You’ll need everything for your next baby anyway

I liked passing dds baby stuff on, I’m assuming you’ll want to buy some new bits for the next baby anyway?

If it were my sister I’d sort out some bits and keep my favourite outfits that I’d definitely want to use again or keep as keepsakes.

They are only clothes at the end of the day 🤷‍♀️

I love the lamp reference 🤣

That’s what I was thinking apart from it I have a boy and not another girl but I won’t know this until the time so don’t want to part with it yet, if I have another girl I will re use everything x

I’m happy to buy them stuff and spoil my niece or nephew just want to keep my own stuff and yes I’m sure I will also buy more when I have another baby too but I wasn’t someone who over bought masses of clothes so that will be fine x

They’re yours. If you really want to keep them then keep them, nobody else has any right to them even if they are your sister. Just tell her the truth - either she’s being thoughtless and will say “ok no problem” or she being entitled and might get cross but that’s not your fault nor your problem.