Should I give my baby clothes to my sister?

[Francescarae]

My baby is 4 months old she’s an IVF baby and I’m planning to transfer another embryo next year, my sister has just found out that she’s pregnant and has said she wants all my baby items and I’m not sure how I feel about this, I planned to organise them and put them away for my hopefully future baby, I feel very attached to her baby clothes and the thought of them going elsewhere makes me want to cry, does this make me a bad person if I don’t give them to my sister? I am definitely going to try and have another baby in the next 7 months.

Also even if I do get them back they will be third hand by that point and might not be well looked after, she even wants her Moses basket and next to me crib etc, I’ve really looked after everything so we won’t have to buy it again, also they have a lot more money than we do and we will have to pay for our embryo transfer so then buying more baby items will be expensive.

I just planned on putting it all away and then sorting through it with excitement next time I am hopefully pregnant and planned on looking at my next baby in the same clothes etc and reminiscing about my first baby wearing them.

i know I could not a baby the same gender as the first but i still feel attached and it’s still possible I could have another girl.

thoughts please x

I would tell her that as you can’t afford to replace things willynilly, she would have to be willing to sign a document stating that items listed would be returned the first time you asked - whether she thinks she still needs it or not, and it will all be returned in the same condition it was when lent. (Take photos.)

Unspoken rule - you only give your stuff away once you’re completely finished having kids - even for sisters!

If your trying again I wouldn't and don't feel bad. We made this mistake I gave it all to my DP cousin baby bjorn bouncer and carrier, next to me the list goes on. She sold it after she used it . I was furious 🤣. Even more so when we had another. If she'd donated fine but she sold it

U do not seem.mean by saying no. Be prepared for her to possibly get more financial help.in the process though.

I would not do this either. You do not look mean!
Baby clothes are precious. Give her the things you don't like much or never got worn, but nothing you want to use again.

How many baby things did your sister and family buy you? Did they buy pram/cot or anything to help you out?

Yes NHS says 12 months so will be following the guidelines, it says for atleased a year x

This is what my sister in law said she said she wouldn’t even give stuff to me and her brother but went out and bought us a couple of presents for our daughter which was lovely, we never would of expected anyone to give us anything and also enjoyed the excitement of buying new x

Maybe I'll stand corrected. I never used formula.

My mum bought the car seat
sister bought a swing - which I will have to lend as she bought it.
everything else we bought x

Just say no you’re keeping them for future baby and buy her some nice outfits as a gift.

Op will still be using her pram and cot.
Its more the other stuff thats generally only used for short times the Sis will be after. Bouncer, baby bath, next to me, etc.

Depending on the style of pram, sharing the carrycot might be a good idea.

Op will still be using her pram and cot.
Its more the other stuff thats generally only used for short times the Sis will be after. Bouncer, baby bath, next to me, etc.

Depending on the style of pram, sharing the carrycot might be a good idea.

Give her anything you didn’t like much but no to the rest, she can go buy her own baby bits!
Can’t believe it’s expected that you’d give her your things!

Yes will still be using my pram, cost me £1600 so wouldn’t share that anyway x

£1600 for a pram that's nuts!

Yep could of bought a second hand car, but it’s great and we do love it

Someone somewhere is making a small fortune out of prams. But I also think thats been the case for a long time.

I’m sure some of the cheaper ones are probably just as good, it is crazy if you think about how expensive they are for such a short amount of time

I would 100% say goodness that won’t work, we will be hanging onto things until we are done with having babies. You must not have been paying attention, I’ve told you we are transferring another embryo in March (or whenever)- I can’t wait to have another baby and see them in their big siblings precious things.

If you’re not comfortable with it OP just tell her and tell her why. I see she’s your twin - I’m also a twin and so I’m sure if you’re just completely honest with her she will be fine.

Myself and my best friend and swapped loads of baby stuff between us and she had one IVF baby, I have 3 little ones but have experienced lots of awful losses and late term losses and have been pregnant 8 times. I think after my first I wouldn’t have wanted to let go of his stuff so soon but I’m much further down the line and broke so it doesn’t bother me to share stuff round! However if I asked to borrow something from my best friend and she was unhappy with it after her struggles and felt sentimental about holding onto things I would completely understand. Just tell her, your feelings are entirely valid.

Just giver her anything you happy not to have back. Anything you didn't use or didn't like.

She sounds a bit mean to you, because of your family preferences. She doesn’t sound in the least bit mean to me; I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to keep her own stuff that she bought until she’s finished with it. And it’s rude to ask for things, or in this case demand.

I’d just say I’m hanging onto everything in case I need it again. If she feels strongly about sourcing second hand stuff I’m sure there are loads of options.

Op even if you have a boy you could still use a lot of what you have. I'm using my daughters old vests (no one sees them) on my son (8 months). Quite a lot of the sleepsuits too, although to be fair mainly inside the house 😆.

Also there really isn't any right or wrong approach from your point of view - you're perfectly entitled to keep hold of things for your next child as the reality is you'd never get it all back (in good condition or at all). What isn't ok is for your sister to have asked for the items. It's just rude.