Should I give my baby clothes to my sister?

[Francescarae]

My baby is 4 months old she’s an IVF baby and I’m planning to transfer another embryo next year, my sister has just found out that she’s pregnant and has said she wants all my baby items and I’m not sure how I feel about this, I planned to organise them and put them away for my hopefully future baby, I feel very attached to her baby clothes and the thought of them going elsewhere makes me want to cry, does this make me a bad person if I don’t give them to my sister? I am definitely going to try and have another baby in the next 7 months.

Also even if I do get them back they will be third hand by that point and might not be well looked after, she even wants her Moses basket and next to me crib etc, I’ve really looked after everything so we won’t have to buy it again, also they have a lot more money than we do and we will have to pay for our embryo transfer so then buying more baby items will be expensive.

I just planned on putting it all away and then sorting through it with excitement next time I am hopefully pregnant and planned on looking at my next baby in the same clothes etc and reminiscing about my first baby wearing them.

i know I could not a baby the same gender as the first but i still feel attached and it’s still possible I could have another girl.

thoughts please x

As my daughter outgrew clothes I separated them into two categories. Ones I was happy to pass on to anyone even if I was to have further children and others that I wanted to keep a bit longer in case I had more children, my sister had children and I didn't need them, save for sentimental reasons or to sell later.

In this situation I'd happily pass on the first set of clothes and maybe one or two things from the other set but mostly I'd keep things for me.

We did cloth nappies and we passed on the newborn nappies to a friend as when we had finished with them we were in the trenches still and questioning whether the first was a good idea so number 2 was far from our minds. We did decide to go for number 2 and I was slightly sad that we wouldn't have one or two of the nappies that I enjoyed putting my daughter in. I was absolutely thrilled when the friend messaged to say she still had everything and passed it all back to us

I would be wary for giving away useful things as they might not come back. After having me my parents were "done" so they passed a lot of stuff to my dad's brother who had just had a baby. When they had a surprise baby a couple of years later and asked if they had any of the items still and they were told nope. A few months later they had a second and everything reappeared! If she considers having a second especially with a small age gap you might find she wants to keep the items for her second leaving you stuffed. I'd only give things you are happy to never see again.

Plain baby grow and vests, any duplicates from multipacks, things you weren't strongly attached too. Keep the things that give you the warm and fuzzies. I have just had number 2 and I'm glad I have thinned out the clothes a little as I do want a few things just for him and not just be a duplicate of baby 1.

It’s clear you want to hang onto everything so be honest with your sister that you are not ready to loan or give anything away until your baby days are over.

Not to mention you may have a naturally conceived miracle baby, it does happen.

Honestly OP speaking from bitter experience - I lent (very clearly a loan) some stuff to my SIL when she was pregnant with her first DD and asked. My MIL (yes, HER OWN mum) kept saying "never a borrower or lender be" but I just wanted to keep everyone happy.

2 years later ... got nothing back, including more expensive items and now I curse her every time I have to buy something for my youngest that I'd already bought once 😡 Fairly sure she probably made a nice little profit on Vinted...Until you are ready to let stuff go, don't lend.

She's no right to have your stuff if you don't want her to. However given I wear my clothes for years and a baby can only wear there's for 3-4 months max, often less, I find the notion that if your baby wears something, then her baby wears it, your second one won't be able to wear it, a bit ridiculous! Keep anything very sentimental, like the first outfit your baby wore or the one they wore for their christening, as obviously the odd thing might get ruined by a poonami, and then the rest can do a good few babies!

Dmum put pressue on me to hand things over to Dsis when she was pg - despite us wanting another. I got assurances I'd get them back and didn't know sex of next baby so did hand over some and kept rest.

Apparently no-one had believed we'd have another or as quickly as we said. When I was then pg was then told Dsis had sold my stuff - Dmum was a bit mortified by that - so was pleased had kept most of it though was still bloody annoyed at time.

Thanks this was an interesting read and I hadn’t even considered if they wanted baby number 2 with a small age gap they might not want to give the things back, or if I had any difficulties and things took longer for me to have a second baby it could then potentially end up being fourth hand, I’m sure there will be a few bits that we didn’t use that I would be happy for them to have but ultimately I think I’m best to hang onto anything I would want to use again for another baby x

Keep them. Your sister shouldn’t have asked for them. They are yours. Don’t feel bad.

I know but surely it's easier if the clothes do OPs (hopefully) 2 babies then when she's finished with them someone else's 2 babies etc instead of being passed back and forth/ lost/ accidentally given away. It's not like baby clothes go massively out of style so they can just wait until she's finished having kids. There will be other people who can give the sister clothes.

The more I think about it I just don’t want to part with it and I think that’s okay, I’m so happy I posted this thread as it was all making me feel quite stressed.

thanks, you never know, my doctor said the same thing as we have “unexplained infertility” so technically no issues he said now I’ve had one it might be easier but if not we have another embryo to use next year so fingers crossed x

It has happened to quite a few people I know! Even for an unexpected third!

Op I'd do as others have suggested with clothes separate into stuff you absolutely love and want to reuse. Remember fashions change and your likely to want some new clothes for a second baby anyway (taking fashion, sex, and season into account)

And stuff you aren't fussed about. Let her borrow the stuff you aren't fussed about.

With other baby items you know your sister, you know if she'll return stuff. I'd let her borrow baby bath, bouncer, steriliser, maybe your next to me, get her a new moses basket.

You are twins with children very close in age, you are going to have a blast raising them together.
Stuff will move between houses constantly, as kids try each other's toys, and they'll both find stuff the other has more exciting than their own stuff. But thats just kids.

If you want to be nice to keep the peace, buy a massive bundle of second hand stuff and give her that? Doesn't need to be your stuff that you hand over!

Thats an idea, I also thought because it’s their first they would want to go out and buy new, I enjoyed buying everything for my daughter

You are right it will be amazing raising them together and I’m happy to pass stuff about in the long run and I’m sure the kids will love this, just want to have my second before that x

Yes we can make all the plans about conception but nature and life can have other ideas! It was pretty much 2 years exactly from me and my deciding to try for number 2 and number 2 arriving. I was on medication I couldn't conceive on and that took 8 months to switch completely. I ended up having to do it slower than originally planned. Then I had two miscarriages thankfully the third pregnancy stuck and we did get our rainbow baby. I had a boy the second time around so I've been sorted through some of the girlier clothes ready for sale as there are definitely no plans for the a third and I don't think my sister will be having children now.

That’s presumptuous of her and your family. The thought is upsetting you (and would me), so don’t do it.

As others have suggested, maybe donate some neutral, old bodysuits etc, but keep the nice stuff for yourself. If anyone says anything, just divert the conversation, or say you’ll keeping them for Frances Jr baby brother/sister. I still regret giving away a pair of baby dungarees with a fire engine design on it from Costco (for reference, my youngest child is now a young adult).

Sorry to hear about your losses, I had IVF and a then loss before my IVF baby arrived so I’m sadly fully aware how time frames don’t always go to plan x

The thought of it has definitely been upsetting me and brought up things I didn’t need to think about yet as I just planned to store them.

oh wow, I think baby clothes do also hold sentimental value x

Only give her things you don't mind getting back. I never gave any of mine away,everyone had much more money than we did. 30+ years later I donated much of it to charity. I still have some special things packed away and the pushchair. I have 2 dozen brand new cloth nappies that didn't get used as we never had another baby,I might give them to animal rescue. Don't be guilted into giving things away.

It sounds like your sister has just found out that she’s pregnant so unless she’s normally cheeky or entitled this could be just the excitement talking regarding wanting your baby stuff. However next time it is mentioned give her a vague answer about needing to sort through baby stuff. I didn’t see you mention the age of your daughter so I’m not sure what bigger items you are still using, however when it comes down to it you can tell her you’re saving them for the next baby (best of luck btw 😊)

I would definitely try to give her a few bits but it wouldn’t be anywhere close to the amount she’s hoping for. If you are feeling bad closer to her due date then keep an eye on donations of baby stuff on Marketplace etc that are in good condition and perhaps collect something from there, give it a wash and present that to her as your donation.

No.

thank you and Yes she found out last week so may just be excitement like you say.

my daughter is 4 months old so we are
still using all the big stuff at the moment and I I will still be using the steraliser and pram etc so she can’t expect anything like that.

if she asks further down the line I will just have to say I’ve got to sort through the stuff that I want to keep for my next baby and then give her a few bits, the stuff I haven’t used for my daughter I doubt I will use for another baby so I could give that stuff to her And I will definitely go out and buy some new things for my niece or nephew anyway, she always comes over with something for my daughter when she goes shopping so I would like to do the same x

I’d feel the same regarding items being sentimental but if you struggle to say no like I do at times, or are feeling guilt, definitely look out for free items locally that she can use. She doesn’t need to know they came from elsewhere.

Oh if your baby is only 4 months, that’s tiny! You’ll need everything besides clothes and Moses basket. You’re just out th newborn stage, no wonder this feels a bit much!

It’s ok if you want to keep stuff. Anything you would be disappointed if it came back again stained or torn or didn’t come back at all is worth handing on to. Introduce her to the joys of vinted and suggest she buys a bundle. OR if you don’t want to upset her, buy her a bundle for a tenner yourself!