Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

[Expensiveplates]

I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

Not a great situation for your child to know how they came into being.

Aaw, congratulations! How much do you know/trust both men? It may be better not to know and keep the name off the birth certificate if you are not sure you can co-parent effectively. Since you sound like you will cope well I'd not be in a rush to give any control to a father I wasn't sure about. Can you even contact the ONS? I think I'd wait and see what sort of man the colleague turns out to be. If he seems decent and you want him involved get him to do a paternity test. Leave the other guy out of it for a while unless you have a chance to suss him out.

I think I agree with approaching the ‘first date guy’ first and say that as be may be the father you would like to test DNA to rule him in or out. Not necessarily relevant but I’m wondering whether you were thinking he was worthy of further dates before finding out about the pregnancy? Ordinarily I would say there is no rush to involve the father but it will become obvious quite soon to your colleague that you are pregnant so it will be an easier conversation with him if you know for sure.

Hope everything works out for you.

How rude,.the OP asked for advice not to be shamed! First one is a colleague who I'm sure she knows well. 2nd one was a ONS.

I am absolutely sure it had everything to do with the amazing 7 stone weight loss. OP was most likely self conscious before. ( I assume) As she hasn't had sex in 3 years. And now probably loves her new body and quite rite!

And what part of this post makes you think this is a reason not to continue with the pregnancy. There is many woman/men who have had to take DNA tests and sure there will be many more. I actually can't believe you think that someone would be mad to have the baby.

So easy to judge but clearly didn't understand the OP. Cause if you did your would t of make such ridiculous comments.

Also you get test for sti's and STDs when pregnant.

I'd say its the ONS guy too.

When you have your antenatal appt, they will run tests and check for HIV and others.

When I was in my late 20s, I took the morning after pill many times so no judgement from me.

I hope it goes well for you OP.

Based on this it’s almost certainly the first date guy.
its exceptionally likely that you ovulated day 4 of your cycle. Even if you did that egg would not have the maturity to result in a pregnancy.

Congrats OP- on the baby and the weight loss! You have nothing to be ashamed of xx

@BunnyVV
How do you suggest that OP gets a DNA test done without approaching either man ?

Congratulations! Babies are a blessing and this is not the first to be conceived in this way and certainly won’t be the last.
Agree it’s likely first date guy given the dates. I’d also be reluctant to rock the boat with a colleague right now (you are going to need a job for maternity pay!)
If you are going ahead you need to decide whether you want the bio dad to have a chance to have a relationship with their child, but given you aren’t together I think you should wait and not put him on the birth certificate if he is the dad. Hormones are tricky things and you are vulnerable right now. You don’t want to get into a relationship with someone who may not be a good fit for you out of haywire hormones and fear of going it alone. You need to focus on yourself and the baby and staying healthy right now. The paternity test and all of that can wait. Besides it’s still super early. Just take it one day at a time.

OP yes I'd cringe too in your shoes, but actually what you say about feeling sexy after a couple of major achievements doesn't sound stupid. Lots of experts had told you that you could not get pregnant. You believed them, they were wrong. Happens.

Hopefully it's ONS man and the scan brings clarity. Hopefully he's not a dick... exciting times for you, all the best.

Surely bit harsh not to tell them they're a father?

Also, the kid may well want to meet their dad. What happens then? Will they just turn up on his doorstep at 18yo and drop the news?

You haven't actually done anything wrong with that order.
You slept with the collegue which presumably was a one time thing, then had a first date.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
It was far enough apart that the dating scan can give a good indication, but with not knowing ovulation date or length of time it took to implant you'll still want to do a DNA test at birth to be certain.

None of this is very nice for the baby.
Neither of you were very responsible. There's always a chance of pregnancy.

Can she come back and quote you if they don't.

If you're not still dating number two, don't tell either of them until the due date is imminent and then explain that they are one of two candidates up front and ask them to take a DNA test.

Even if you don't want child support, it's not your money, it belongs to the baby. So you will have to ensure whoever is the father coughs up, and if you don't need or want it you put it in a savings account for the baby when they are older.

This! Also had 2. First resulted in loss of fallopian tube after conceiving on the mini pill. Second time I am so thankful to the surgeon who saved my other tube (and cleared up the mess apparently left behind by the first surgery, although not quibbling, just grateful to be alive). OP, please get an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy's location. Everything crossed for you x

My first child was conceived after starting the IVF process. Had already taken the initial drugs and just about to start injection phase when a preliminary blood test showed I was pregnant. Floored doesn't even begin to cover it.

I suffered infertility for years prior to having my kid. My cycle was longer than typical, around 35 days. The infertility specialist told me that ovulation happens 14 days before the last day of a woman’s cycle. Once I had this knowledge I was able to get pregnant.

My guess would be that the second fella, ONS, is the father.

Also, it sounds like you're happy, and a bit of a miracle for you, so congratulations.

If she started her period on may 29th

her first man was day 5 in her cycle

the second man was day 16 in her cycle.

as you calculated it with a 40 day cycle

you state yourself that it would be roughly day 23. Which man is closer to that date?

the second man.

The day you get your period is day 1

so June 2nd is cycle day 5.

Please make sure you get a full sti check including HIV

Congratulations!! You sound like you will be a lovely mum and sometimes life has a way of challenging us and it turns out amazing in the end. Tricky situation though - I would immediately think the second guy just going by dates but you never know! Someone made a good suggestion, get a test of whoever will be the least awkward and you will have your answer and can provide clarity to the dad- good luck!! Xx

Most likely 2nd guy OP, but a scan will give you more of a clue. Don't be mortified... you're allowed to feel sexy and have fun. It's not like you're married and had a one night stand or anything like that - you haven't done anything wrong. Also, keep the baby if all goes well, from what you've written it's a miracle you're even pregnant :)

Probably the date guy, but it’s possible to have ovulated a couple of days after sec with the colleague and there still be active sperm. Fortunately there is still a week between them minimum so an early scan should date the baby.

@Expensiveplates ignore all the judgemental people horrified that someone could have a one night stand. You’re not a slag - you’re an adult who is entitled to enjoy a healthy sex life. Both men were adults and also could have used a condom - it probably will be a shock to them but it shouldn’t be - this is what can and does happen - it’s basic science.

1stly congratulations on many positive new life changes. Sounds like you’ve got your life in order in a way many 30 year olds could only dream of. And also congratulations on finding out you’re not infertile ! A shocker of a way to find out but life has a funny way of doing it!! Well done for online postal kit and at booking pregnancy they will test you for STIs that can be spread through sex in the blood (HIV and syphilis) unless you opt out.

Finally as many others have said - no way to know for sure with DNA testing. Sperm can last for a maximum of 7 days, you could have ovulated early or late. Guessing is pointless - speak to midwives about testing - I know they can do this in pregnancy but not sure if there is any risk to the baby.

all the best