Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

[Expensiveplates]

I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

Without knowing all details it’s hard to say but first date guy definitely no contraceptive used so likely. Did you use anything with the colleague. I think I would consider carefully whether you want someone in your life/child’s life forever that you don’t actually know. If you can do alone perhaps wait until the baby is born to contact the potential father. Unless you plan on seeing him again? No judgement here we all have needs and sometimes these things happen.

The OP made the thread to discuss who was more likely to be the father not whether she should have had sex with the guys. Some pretty naive people on here! She didn't ask for your judgement!

You can't get your head around a woman having casual sex twice in a month? FFS. Honestly, some people live funny lives and ideas. I met my DH less than 4 hours after having had sex with a casual fling I had met a couple of weeks earlier (was on holiday abroad). Checked into a hotel with him (DH) later that night and had a great time all night. Didn't see either man again (went back to my regular lover back home) until DH turned up in my home town 6 months later (then he never left, and I have never slept with anyone else since, married 20 years now). Different lifestyles do exist you know!

i guess if they didn’t want to be a father they would have worn a condom?

Oh op, some things are meant to be and going from thinking you’ll never be a mum to being pregnant is amazing!

How you you feel @Expensiveplates?

We all do stupid things I really wouldn’t be kicking yourself now- look to your health needs first and go from there. In years to come you might be saying this was the best thing that ever happened!

I think it’s most likely ONS - was the plan to meet again or literally a one off? (As in do you have his details?)

However not impossible for it to be colleagues- can you ask when you have the early scan for them to work out the likely conception date?

I would be open with both of them. You want this baby, you didn’t think it was possible to conceive, you had two encounters close together and can’t be sure, and you’re going ahead with the pregnancy. There’s no relationship to protect any feelings for other than your own embarrassment really?
Baby can be tested once born unless amniocentesis is something you are ok with / recommended for other medical reasons.

@Expensiveplates

I have a lot of fertility treatment and ended up with a birth child and an adopted child. I know that this pregnancy is unexpected and feels complicated at the moment but it does sound like you really want this.

Amazing and wonderful news, congratulations.

You can find out who the dad is before the birth and then you can inform the dad.

How much the dad will or will not be involved in your life or the baby's life is up to them and you.

You certainly do not need to have a relation ship with either man if you don't want to, although having a child together does make a link.

Your very erratic periods make it very hard to work out who is more likely to be the dad. But whoever he is, this is a new precious life and you can look after yourself accordingly. No branding yourself anything negative!

I’m guessing guy 2 ,bang in middle of cycle but like that have to do DNA testing to be sure ..

Congratulations 🙌 , sure great news, & you thought you couldn’t conceive..
You’re not a slag btw, so stop beating yourself up , everyone has needs ..
With regard to telling them , just have to bite the bullet OP , everyone is adults here , just explain you always thought you couldn’t have kids , and all that aside , it takes 2 , they didn’t use protection either , you mention you feel they will be angry , well they have zero right to be ..
They were down for having fun with no protection so don’t take any shit from them !
Best of luck x

Firstly, you’re not a slag! Just mention to colleague you think you may be pregnant and you’re not sure if it’s his but thought it best to tell him.
People will judge whatever your circumstances so if you do keep the baby I hope you enjoy your pregnancy. This is a mere blip in your journey.

It could be either, ovulation can happen sooner after weight loss.

Please don’t romanticise single parenthood. It is extremely hard work & you will be more tired than you ever thought possible. That said, it’s wonderful you’re in this position having considered yourself infertile 🙌🏻

I haven’t read the whole thread, but with your history of a blocked tube and laparoscopic surgeries I would strongly advise an early scan as you could be at a higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy (I’ve had two)

a scan can probably tell better by size of blob

Some women do ovulate right after end of period … for you, it would be irregular but it’s not a safe time per natural family planning rules.

No it's the without protection bit. Would you seriously say to women to go out and sleep with random blokes with no protection? It's risking her sexual health.

Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing (NIPT) is available on the NHS for pregnant women who meet certain criteria. It can also be purchased for a fee. Peace of mind etc does not come cheap but it seems pretty reliable according to the internet.

And congratulations on the weight loss. What's your secret (I am also trying to lose weight!)

Congratulations!
ignore any trolls here. Don’t even engage. Lots of people have unprotected sex and wouldn’t admit to it.
i get the single mum stuff and good on you… however…
if you want to share your pregnancy then you have to share it with the right guy. If there’s even a 0.1% chance it’s your colleague then you can’t go ahead and share this special time with ONS.
if you admit to both of the existence of the other then it may cause bad feelings. The kind of thing that they’d bring up in an argument if you were to be a couple. It’s not worth it and it’s none of their business. However, if you have no intention of being in a couple then you could tell both.
my advice:

1. STD check
2. wait until 12 weeks
3. investigate ways to check DNA ASAP

i wholeheartedly recommend that you be sure of the father before approaching him. If this means waiting then this is something you need to weigh up (what reason do you give for waiting so long? Is it possible with 7 stone weight loss you can hide this under flabby skin until you’re sure about DNA?)

This feels very Bridget Jones 😂
Sorry OP I can't help on the most likely one but I hope your scan is done by someone Emma Thompson like and kind. Good luck.

This is what I was thinking - have you never heard of STIs @Expensiveplates ?

You know condoms offer protection against some STIs don’t you? They’re not used solely to prevent pregnancy. I can’t believe you didn’t use them just because you thought you’re infertile.

Anyway, that said (because I’m baffled), congratulations! Most likely the second guy given your long cycles.

That would be a fairly normal time to conceive on a 33 day cycle. Luteal phases can be long! Mine’s 16 days.

Congratulations. You might be delighted given fertility issues.

Unfortunately, it's absolutely impossible to know without a DNA test.

I have Endometriosis & PCOS too and tracked regularly for years. Ovulation wasn't always consistent.

Scans aren't reliable either. A friend of mine was 100% positive her dates were wrong as her husband was away for 10 days when she supposedly concieved. Baby was 3 weeks early.

If it were me, I would ask ONS guy to do a DNA test, it's the least awkward option. However, colleague may insist on one when he realises you are pregnant.

Good luck either way. I don't/can't have children but I'm still convinced the circumstances of conception aren't relevant. Once a child is loved, safe and secure (which it very much sounds like they will be), they that child will do well.

Congrats again and ignore the nasty comments.

What?????

Does the child not deserve to know its father? Also, why would she keep this from them? Poor guys.

Congratulations OP! And well done on your weight loss too, that’s amazing! I reckon it’s more likely to be the second guy too, unlikely that first guy’s sperm will have hung around until you ovulated, especially if he was as drunk as you! Hope all goes well with your pregnancy.

Firstly, ignore all the comments judging you and telling you to abort or keep it. This decision is completely down to you and NOT what you asked.

Secondly, to be honest it could be either. One way of knowing or being able to work it out without DNA is booking a private scan. They should be able to tell you the age of the baby (eg I was 7+3 when I went for my early scan based on the first day of my last period, scan showed baby was 6+5 which added up to when I’d last had sex with my partner) so hopefully that will help.

Congratulations xx

Btw I thought that although cycle lengths can vary, the time from ovulation to period starting is typically around 14 days for everyone. So it’s likely you ovulated more than 14 days after your last period started. That’s why I think it’s guy number 2.

Congrats on your little miracle. I also had issues conceiving, honestly thought I was totally infertile. No contraception, and was awaiting IVF when I fell pregnant naturally.
If you're prepared to go solo, which it sounds like you do, then wait a while before speaking to either guy. Maybe ask your Dr or the scan team when you likely conceived, given your medical history. No need to worry work college unnecessarily that way.

And no, you're not a slag. You won't be the first or last person to sleep with 2 guys in a month!

You are 30, go you for the weight loss and getting some! And it is awkward and not ideal but who cares life isnt perfect, but enjoy your baby and best of luck with the pregnancy