Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

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I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

You will need a DNA test if you intend to claim maintenance. I can't see either of those men will be overjoyed at the news after a one night stand.

similare cycle to me I'm also irregular. I found out through tracking my ovulation that I unusually ovulate within days of period ending. Congratulations looks like either is possible .

I know a lot of children who were born into a loving relationship that then fell apart and had enormous negative consequences for children. I also know children who were born through IVF and to single mums who have had stable, loving homelives and have thrived.

congratulations on your pregnancy! I’d hazard a guess that conception happened on/just after June 13th, so not the colleague

If in any doubt dna test. The baby deserves the truth even if the father may choose to be absent.

Solves it then. @Mrseasy ’hazards a guess.’

????????

Oh, for the love...

I, for one, am happy for you! You sound in a great position in your life to have a baby. I'd think it was probably the 2nd guy. Have you seen him since the first date? Now I am going to ask a really touchy questions - if you think it is him, do you have to tell him? Putting on my kevlar vest now. :)

I think it isn't just most likely the second guy. It is the second guy. You ovulate roughly half way through your cycle and so can only get pregnant if you have sex a few days before or after that.

Stop having unprotected sex though you can pick up STIs and HPV.

You really don't have to justify why you had sex twice in 4 years. Honestly it's no one's business if you have sex twice in 4 hours.

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy you are going to be a wonderful mama

Congratulations OP I personally think the 2nd guy is the Father. Ignore all the judgy comments! So many children born where parents are in a relationship and then all falls apart is more damaging long term ,than for the child who never had a relationship with the Father .Not all the psychological problems with rejection etc .
Get an early scan which will help you work out the gestation.
As long as you can manage financially,have a close supportive family you and your child will be OK .X

Two choices to my mind. You’ve had u protected sex (or been really unlucky) with two men in as many weeks on the assumption you can’t get pregnant and now it feels like you want to pin it on one of them? Neither of them were any sort of long term relationship.
Own it. Do you want a baby on a solo basis? Then it’s irrelevant as to who is the father.
If you don’t want to be a single parent then you should frankly abort because neither is likely to be a long term partner and you will be a single parent whether you like it or not .

I’ve never been so happy for a stranger on the internet! You seem buzzing and I am buzzing for you! My money is on 1st date guy though!

Congratulations! You sound like you're in a good place to give this child a good life. I hope the Dad wants to be involved, and is a good guy, but if not then I'm sure you'll do just fine.

I'd assume it's the ONS guy, but hopefully you'll get some testing to confirm it either way.

You’re 30, slim, single, ever more solvent, fertile and feeling flirty.

It’s really not my place to comment… but I can’t help but think you shouldn’t have an unplanned child for whom you don’t know the who the father is, but instead focus all your increased energies into finding a good man, building a loving relationship, and creating a family without the complication of a fatherless half sibling?

Unless Mr ONS is the one…. But I tend not to believe in meet cutes IRL…

Well, I think regardless of the confusion this is fabulous. A little miracle, I understand your situation exactly! I had 12 years of secondary infertility. Pcos, endo, had WLS, lost 10 stone. Was told because of the scarring on my stomach and the pcos I wouldn't ever have another pregnancy.
3 months later. I found out I was pregnant. Baby no3 happened when I was on the saxenda jab- which hilariously was a contraception failure caused by slower absorption of my pill from the jab! After so many years of infertility! I had contraception not work!!

Wishing you all the best.
Motherhood is stunningly beautiful! There are times that are not, but it took a good 2 years for me to come off from the cloud of wonderment that my baby was here, even the sleepless nights couldn't bring me down.

im happy to be a single parent. However, I want to give the father an opportunity to be involved should they choose it. Im not going to force anything either way though neither insisted on a condom but alas.

There is no pressure from me either way. I do want to know whose it is, because I work with my colleague once a week and it’ll be a bit awkward if I show up with a bump at some point.

Not all of us can meet someone who likes us and dates with the intention of marriage.

Not all of us get romantic proposals, an engagement, happy families and a wedding.

Some of us don’t get stability in our personal lives. Some of us are invisible and others are only wanted for a short time only.

Not all of us are healthy, with reproductive systems functioning as they should. Some of us are a little bit broken.

The OP is a woman who was told she would never conceive naturally. Who never conceived in 7 years, despite having a sexual relationship.

Some of our babies came to us when we were broken, sick, confused and scared.

Just because the OP hasn’t approached this in a way that you deem acceptable does not mean that this child will be any less loved.

I think this child is a gift and I think the colleague is the father.

I really don’t believe doctors, specialist and consultants are still telling people they are infertile.

Unless there is a really obvious reason that has been found that someone is infertile eg no ovaries, fallopian tubes, womb, whatever you are never infertile.

They might say difficult or slim chance of falling pregnant but I doubt they’d ever say infertile.

I did not use ChatGPT - I don’t even know how to use it. I cut and pasted the parts that have the dots next to them.

I’m not from the UK - my language is different to yours.

You simply won’t know who is the father until the baby is born and you can DNA test.

First date. Even if infertile though that doesn't mean not to use condoms. STI's..

You can get a fetal DNA test using the mothers blood.

She can do it at the same time she does genetic testing. Which is something she absolutely should do.

More than likely to be 13th June

only way you will know for sure is dna

you can test when preg. Went to say it’s about £600

second date guy far more likely.

This is exactly what I was thinking. My DD was conceived after having sex once the whole month, on CD8, a day after I finished my period. I was using ovulation sticks as we were TTC however DH was working away a lot so didn’t expect it to ever happen that month but I had a positive ovulation test on CD11 which usually indicates you’ll ovulate in 24-48 hours. This means my DD was conceived 4 or 5 days after we had sex.

Congratulations OP but I’d definitely inform both and have a dna test done, also a full STI/STD screening to be on the safe side.