Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

[Expensiveplates]

I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

It sounds to me, though I may well have misinterpreted it, that she would be doing them a favour by not letting them know, but who knows, maybe every man goes into a drunken one night stand/has sex on a first date hoping to become a father as a result?

Well, to me that sounds awful but to each their own.

Imagine you marry a man not knowing he has a child. The truth is likely to come out one way or another, especially with all three commercial DNA tests.
And I'm sure the child would love the OP for never giving them a chance to know their father.

Just want to say that I got pregnant by having unprotected sex the day after my period ended. The only time dh and I took a risk and thought we would be safe because of where I was in my cycle. So just saying that it is possible!!

They may not hope to become a father, but we don’t live in the 1950s, if you have unprotected sex as a man, you may end up being called Dad. Whether you think that’s good or bad luck is down to the man and their attitude isn’t it?

OP, you need to do a DNA test. Paternity isn't something where "probably" is good enough. If you continue with the pregnancy, then of course your child will one day ask who their father is. Do you really want to reply "I don't know"? Due to the popularity of companies such as 23andMe and AncestryDNA, if you've got the father wrong it'll all come out eventually anyway.

Yes, it's going to be excruciatingly embarrassing to approach these men and tell them you're pregnant and don't know who the father is. But this is just an inevitable consequence of having sex with two different men in the same month. You can't know who your baby's father is without asking at least one of them for his DNA.

I think I would ask the one you want least to do dna

so if it isn’t him you can with. Clear conscience say to other man in preg

Helpful and judgemental
being judgemental is positive and intelligent.
It means that you have looked at various happenings in life and learned something from them. All our life experiences will colour the way we judge things, and as each individual will have had different llfe experiences, so will make differing judgements. All good! It brings the world forward.

I’ve never said I didn’t plan on telling both of either of them, I just asked for probabilities so I could get my head around it slightly before I do so. I’ve booked an ultrasound at window to the womb on Tuesday so I’m hoping that gives a clearer indication of dates.

@Expensiveplates would you want to be connected to either of these men if you have the baby? Do you know much about them?

Why do so many women thing they will “never” get pregnant because a doctors says you will likely have difficulty due to various medical conditions? Or that likely need IVF … honestly no doctor/nurse or anyone who understands basic biology will tell you not to use birth control (unless you are sterilized in someway.)

Absolute lunacy.

Same.

But considering the length of your cycles and you were only on day 4 of your cycle with 1st man, I think it’s unlikely to be his. I think it’s more probable it’s the 2nd who would be closer to ovulation.

and me😁

It's tough whether she wants to be connected to a man or not. If she has the baby she will be connected forever to whoever the father is.

I’ve never known a fertility doctor to tell anyone they will never get pregnant.

if you have the right parts it’s a possibility.

I have endometriosis and have never carried a child to term.

More importantly though don’t risk your health having unsafe sex. You can risk your unborn babies health that way.

how long was your period though?

Congratulations!
Don't be mortified. Obviously it's not the best idea but you're hardly the first person to have inadvisable unprotected sex. Life happens, we get carried away.
You're going to be a great mum and that's what counts.
You'll have a much better idea after the scan, at seven weeks or less it should be accurate to within a few days. Good luck!

about 5-6 days

Congratulations, OP!

A lapse of judgement has worked out beautifully for you. I think given your circumstances and that the baby is wanted, you'd be crazy not to have it.

Probability is in favour of your fist date guy, but your story is testament to the unpredictable nature of biology. I completely understand you wanting the father to have a chance in your baby's life, but think long and hard about the implications there if he does want to be involved.

Honestly! Sorry she’s not got the perfect 2.4 child family with a loving mother and father and they all dance around flowers and are wonderfully perfect… get in the real world 🙄 Also what child asks how they came into being?!!!

I could see how that would be feasible. Say you DTD day 7, you could have ovulated day 10 which would be early side of normal and feasible that sperm would still be alive to fertilise a viable egg .

In OP’s case she says she dtd day 4 so I think it would be much less likely that she could have ovulated a viable egg in time for any surviving sperm , but not impossible!

@MyHardySquid many children like to know how mum and dad met. Some drunken shag with no thought about whether they might make a good dad is not great. Have the drunken shag but use contraception (and that should be both people involved)

A child asking how mum and dad met is not going to be answered with ‘I had a drunken shag which ended in you’. Im going to guess by the time the child is even old enough to ask a question about how mum and dad met then there will be more clarity around the situation, and the man involved. I also don’t think OP was thinking about a potential pregnancy when she, as she is rightly allowed to do, had consensual sex with another willing adult. Yes this is a consequence but give her a break she sounds like she will make a good mum and is looking for some non-judgemental advice!!

Probably first date man, but you can check during pregnancy now.

Could be fun to watch colleague squirm once you know it’s definitely not him …