Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

[Expensiveplates]

I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

@Expensiveplates congrats

as I said in my first reply you can find our while preg

£795 and find out 3/5 days

blood test for you. Cheek swab for man

done from 7w

can you see yourself possibly having a relationship with either ?

im assuming work was a one off esp as then had a date with another man

if you like other man then get swab from work Colleague tho obv means he will know was with another man and may make working together awkward

does sound like no 2 due to dates /ovulation

payment can be over 3mths via PayPal to help ease the cost

https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/learning-centre/paternity-testing-while-pregnant/

if yes , get the swab from the one you don’t want to be with ideally

What do you mean she wants to pin it on one of them? For a start, both of these men had unprotected sex, so are equally as responsible as the poster. Secondly, a child deserves to know who their father is, and a father deserves to know they have a child in this world. So there’s no ‘pinning on’ anyone, it’s the responsible thing to do to inform the father about a child. OP seems more than capable for raising this child alone and is doing the right thing identifying who the father is. It is not irrelevant who the father is, it’s very relevant given OP is keeping the baby. Are you suggesting she doesn’t tell the father?

Your reply makes out she is doing something outrageous.

Why are u mortified? You've done nothing wrong!

Nurse here, I can say with confidence that the reason u fell pregnant as the extreme weight loss. If you are on mounjaro then please stop if you're pregnant. Also, as others have said, if I were to be placing a bet, I would bet it was the June 13th man, however, sperm can live up to 5 days so u could have got pregnant in that time and u don't know when your body ovulates, so to be 100% sure you definitely need to do a DNA test, please don't guess 🤣 I'm sure you wouldn't though lol. They do private DNA blood tests early on so u don't have to even wait until the baby is here x

It is likely the 2nd guy, please don't listen to theories that with longer cycle your ovulation is later. My cycle was 35 days and I got pregnant having sex on day 11 of my cycle. Still the 1st guy was on day 5 or 6 so that sounds too early. You will need a paternity test to know for sure though.

Firstly, congratulations ❤️
I am a long time lurker and never posted on here before, I am also no expert in aspect of who may be the father. However, please do not be ashamed of your situation. You’re single and have a new lease of life with how you are feeling, so embrace it! As you say, you have an amazing network and your baby will be loved regardless of the situation. Like I say, I’m no expert yet you possibly may be able to get a DNA test whilst pregnant.
I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope it works out how you want it to!

@Expensiveplates I just want to say congratulations!!!! I’m so pleased for you.
i did a similarish thing - had good job, got pregnant and my DC has just graduated! Has brought me so much joy,

it sounds like you can have a test earlier on. Own it though - don’t feel shame!
You’ve taken steps to feel better about yourself and improve your life. You won’t show for a while yet so you don’t have to say anything for a good few months,
Watch the Brigette Jones and a Baby film too 😂

Many many congrats xxx

colleague wouldn’t have been during your fertile window or close enough to it that it would have lasted inside long enough to reach fertile window. It’ll be the first date guy

The second date guy. Congratulations. Obviously not ideal conception circumstances but what a lovely thing that you're pregnant and excited.

Ha! I just read that as “the guy from the Office for National Statistics “ 😂

Congrats op!

I’d say the first date too as the colleague was very close to the end of your period but I’m no expert-just going on my own cycle.
must be such a surprise having thought you were infertile.
whatever you decide to do going forward, very best of luck and congratulations on your massive weight loss.
xx

@ChocolateGanachemaybe he is, and he’s on a mission to bump up the birth rate!?

@Expensiveplates Congratulations, what a great surprise for you! I agree with @Frenchbluesea. Also, like pp, it seems to me as if you are more likely to have conceived the baby on 13th June, on the first date. How did the second date go, I’d like to know? Or, perhaps more to the point, are you still dating first date man? If not, do you feel you really have to tell him, if you don’t think he wants to be a father after a first date? Might it not be better all round if you accepted you will be a single parent and got on with it, as it seems to me that in the circumstances you describe you may well be far better off than some women who are in an unhappy long-term relationship and in less auspicious living conditions?

I got pregnant very early in my cycle. Knew the exact date because it was the only time it could have happened. It was cycle day 7.

Important to acknowledge that its not like this for everyone

😂😂😂

no but if you’ve been told you’ve got significantly impaired chances, completely understandable - I have a pattern of cysts hanging about some months that just slightly reduced my chances and it took us 2 and a half years and treatment to have DC1 - thought it would never happen. Good luck @Expensiveplates glad to hear you’ve got a supportive family - many babies start out with less.

Congratulations!

Please think and think and think before you say anything to either man, so you know how you want to manage his involvement in your life so you are prepared with your boundaries. "Being as involved as he wants" is a stock phrase but do not hand him the control. He can be a fully involved father, if he wants, but you can have preferences about what that means for how you want to raise a child, and also you as a person separate to the child. You did not make an active decision to become pregnant but you need to start making positive choices now and check yourself regularly to make sure you're not passively acquiescing to anyone else's decisions that will impact you or your child. This - the constant and lone responsibility for your child - is the major shift that being a single parent will be in your life and it will feel relentless.

Consider the two men and what you know about them. What sort of relationship do YOU want to have with them and how are you going to help it succeed? Then, how would you ideally work together as co-parents, IF he wanted this? Make a plan specific to each man and your understanding of them.

And then make another, highly detailed, plan of what full single parenting would look like.

And a trouble-shooting plan for if either man turns out to be a dickhead either while you are pregnant or at some point in child's life.

On another note, I do feel you were let down on information and support around your fertility. Being allowed to think, in your 20s, you were infertile when there was always a high chance that weight loss would make the difference. It has likely skewed your thinking about pregnancy and relationships and may be influencing how you feel about this accidental pregnancy.

Is the colleague single?

Before reading any responses I also calculated it was the 13th June guy as matching us very well with around when you would ovulate for cycles that are that length. 2nd June guy would mean you have like a 18-21 day cycle that month which is unlikely for you.

Anything is possible. Get a dna test and then sit down with the known ‘father’ and the evidence. See what happens.

I'll pass no judgement just address the facts.

Having endometriosis, PCOS and one fallopian tube doesn't mean someone will never be able to have kids and I don't know why doctors say that so confidently.

Losing weight massively helps with PCOS and is the reason why you were able to conceive. Yes, endo could still get in the way even after losing the weight but having one fallopian tube was never an issue.

If your cycles were normal length, I would say it's more than likely your colleague. Considering the length of them, I would say either man is equally likely to be the father. You could've still ovulated earlier and sperm can live inside the body for a few days.
Everyone who says it's the second man for sure doesn't fully understand how things work. Given your PCOS situation, it's literally impossible to know without doing a DNA test.

They should've known better than to listen to the standard 'oh I can't conceive so it's fine'.

Not being able to conceive with someone for 7 years means nothing as that person could've been infertile. Not taking weight loss into consideration massively surprised me, too.

That is extremely unfair to not let someone know he has a child on the way.

One of them is her colleague?
How do you think she'll hide the pregnancy from him?