Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

[Expensiveplates]

I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

.......

More of a risk to them than being terminated?

It is because the sperms can live up to five days and if sperms are hanging out in the fallopian tube waiting for an egg to be released (and the egg only survives for 12-24 hours) there is only a narrow window for the two to meet. It’s impossible to pinpoint with any accuracy the exact moment a woman will ovulate. Which is why I think it’s the colleague. Because ideally the sperm should be waiting for the egg - not the egg waiting for the sperm as sperm can live longer inside the body.

Don’t be silly. A young single person is very likely to have casual sex in their life, especially during a period of heightened confidence. Failure to use contraception is also very common - not everyone plans their sexual encounters like a military operation, like on MN.

Honestly, the judgement on this thread 😑 all these “you don’t know if they will be a good father”- so many women out there get pregnant on purpose with absolute deadbeat losers and actively do that, so not sure why this seems to be The Work Of The Devil Himself.

Anyway, OP. Congrats on your weight loss- 7stone is amazing 👏👏
Congrats on your pregnancy too, I hope it all goes well for you.

My only advice, however, would be that some online DIY STI kits only do certain things. I would go to an actual clinic and literally get the whole shebang done, especially as some diseases can affect the babba.

Best of luck 🎉

Congratulations @Expensiveplates
If you want this child ( and reading between the lines it seems you do) then I’m sure things will work out well.

But then there will be no child, and therefore no risk of a child suffering, so im not really sure what you saying? Are you saying having a child who then has a life full of suffering is better than the child not existing, not ever knowing it existed, and never suffering? Just trying to understand your POV.

Are you taking the piss or just stupid? You know they could have avoided this by having control over their own cocks don’t you?

That's really nasty and judgemental.

Don't you remember what your granny used to say...

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't be a cunt and say it.

Judging by the dates I’d bet on it being first date man

So many different answers so far so congratulations and I think.you have to tell them both and get dna test to confirm who the dad is .STI check as well .

The second, almost certainly.

God forbid a woman wants to have a little bit of fun.

shut the fuck up you absolute waste of oxygen

I think you should book a private scan ASAP. At this stage it will be able to differentiate between those two dates. The earlier the better.

Don’t feel guilty or judged. You are single. You can have sex every day of the week with a different man if you want. Ignore the bitchy comments. Take time to process the news and don’t feel pressured to tell anyone anything just yet. It is early days but fingers crossed all goes well.

I think 1st date guy. Don’t sweat it OP. Men are like London buses, you wait for ages for one, then 3 come along for once.

5 days of period plus, plus 4, plus 11=20 days. You slept with the second on day 20. Plus 14 days afterwards post ovulation is 34. So that fits.

Oh I know right. Poor men, so helpless and stupid, not realising that they can either
a. abstain or b. wear a condom

Who would have thought that in 2025, men can take responsibility for their own contraception.

Well they could have used contraception.....

I agree wholeheartedly. I know from experience that when things get a bit steamy between two people, it's easy to have a bit of a gung-ho approach towards contraception. It frequently happens to people in relationships, not just with casual sex partners. I think if I found myself in a situation similar to the OP, especially having not had sex for 4 years, it would be very easy to just forget about contraception when passion takes over.

Well congratulations on the pregnancy OP!
Granted not ideal circumstances, and I hope those circumstances don’t bring you too much stress throughout the pregnancy.

Is it wrong that I'm a bit envious of someone getting that lost in the moment?? 😂

It takes six weeks of planning for me and my OH to get a night to ourselves 🤦‍♀️

I am going against the consensus here but sleeping with two men within a couple of weeks without using contraception?! Just why?

That is not judgemental. It is pure common sense.

Alright crazy-pants 👍

I got pregnant on the last day of my period! You just can’t be certain