Who’s more likely to be the dad? (Mortified)

[Expensiveplates]

I want to preface by saying I’m mortified. I’m 30, single and never had a scare in my life. I have severe endometriosis, PCOS and a blocked tube and was told I’d never carry a child naturally. Was even with a partner for seven years previously and used nothing- nothing happened so thought I was infertile.

Ive been single for 4 years, recently lost a lot of weight (7 stone) and was feeling really attractive. Had my period on 29th May, my periods are 35-45 days. Usually around 40

I went to a conference and slept with my colleague on the 2nd June, so 4 days after my period ended. I then also slept with someone on a first date on the 13th June.

I’ve now found out I’m pregnant (yesterday) and pretty much in shock. I don’t know when I ovulate and my cycles are so irregular I have zero idea. I’m 7 weeks ish, going from my last period but didn’t even test until yesterday as I’m used to 42 day cycles.

i think I want to keep the baby, I own my own home and have a good job but I also don’t know how to approach it with these two people. Colleague will obviously be much more difficult, but meh! Nightmare! Feel like a slag too, it was my first month having sex in four years! I also don’t want them both to be mad but guessing they will.

Statistically speaking the first date bloke is much more likely. However I don't think you can be sure. I say this because I used to have seriously irregular cycles of between 35 and 50 days yet my first DD was conceived on day 4 of my period! I know this as an absolute certainty as it was the only time I had sex.

Well don’t you sound lovely!

Agree with others, more likely to be second guy but first definitely not impossible. I got pregnant with dd1 the day after my period ended (well I had sex the day after my period ended, and only on that one occasion so I know for certain it was that occasion). Unfortunately there is no way to know for sure without a dna test. But congratulations, I hope it works out well for you 😊

I used to have a long cycle, often irregular, and ovulated three to four days after my period ended. You just can't tell at the moment. The important thing is you are having a baby and pleased about it. Presumably your job will be OK and you have a secure home.

Worry about the paternity after you have the baby.

Congratulations and good luck.

Yep

You can do paternity testing while pregnant now. I'd go with the first date guy as it's less awkward. If he's not the father, you know for sure the other one is.

You are not a slag and any more irresponsible than those two men.

Congratulations 👏

I was genuinely trying to understand why you believe termination for a child that will never exist and never know it existed is a far worse fate than a child actually existing with a parent who might neglect and abuse them. Literally wanted to understand why you think that way in case there's a perspective i hadn't considered, im really not sure why you'd call me crazy for asking why you believe something and thinking you might be able to answer me? Obviously you are not obligated to but im not sure why me wanting to know why you disagree with me makes me a crazy person.... but okay.

Very sad all around.
Baby from a ons?????????
Longterm consequences for all the child being the most important person

You could argue that men were being used?
Sad all around

There's no assurances OP would get pregnant again. This might be her best chance of having a child.

@Expensiveplates, I'm sure you were shocked, but congratulations!

Because she wanted to. The end.

Did you use ChatGPT then go to the trouble of adding in the delightful phrase 'nutted in you'? Society is doomed.

OP, it's more likely to be the second man. The 'similar' examples people are giving are of luteal phases at least a week shorter than yours would have to have been.
Edited as a couple of people just posted examples of crazily long cycles and early ovulation- I'm dialling down my certainty! Still think man 2.

@Expensiveplates
I'm 15 years older than you, and sadly infertile.
I just wanted to say Congratulations 🎉!!!
Ok, it's not an ideal situation, but hey, that's life!

You are NOT a slag!!
You're a young woman who's slept with a couple of men....
I'm assuming neither of the men made any effort to use a condom!!

Please put yourself first..... Don't say anything to either man until you've had your scan (+ can hopefully work out the dates) - but worst case scenario - DNA test once the little one is here!

Congrats and good luck! X

One could also argue that the men were using OP?

A child from a ONS doesn't necessarily mean they are going to have a sad existence. Just like a child born into a relationship does not mean a happy life.

It wasn’t planned. The colleague one I was very drunk (no excuse) and with the first date, I sort of got carried away and was sober but still. We actually drove after that one to the pharmacy late night for the morning after pill but they wouldn’t give it to us as it was just a hatch and we needed to see the pharmacist. Didn’t go back the next day, as I said I’ve got severe endo, PCOS and a left blocked tube. I’ve had 4 laparoscopic surgeries and was told I’d need IVF to fall pregnant. I think I had a burst of confidence from the weight loss and a recent promotion and sort of felt sexy, sounds very stupid now.

There you are OP. Can be done from 7 weeks, non invasive. Pricey but well worth it for less stress about who you may be dealing with. Agree with going with the first date for the test rather than colleague!

https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/public-testing-services/prenatal-dna-testing/#

Hope all goes well for you.

I also want to say I’d never consider keeping this child if I didn’t think I could do it alone if it came to it. I own a three bedroom house, can drive, have a lovely supportive family and a flexible work place. The baby if it sticks, will be fine and loved and I’ll muddle through. If dad wants to be involved and support brilliant, if not then fine. I just wanted to know which one as if it’s my colleague it’ll make it awkward and much harder.

Thank you for this insightful post.
I talk from experience when I say there are significant disadvantages for children born in a non existent /turbulent relationship.
Longterm

There are some people who think being born trumps not being born no matter what, even though like you say the foetus will never know the difference. But usually they're using it to justify a woman's right to do what's in her own best interests. Same when they say "women have kids with deadbeats all the time" which they think gives them a green light not to even try to make any effort to bring a child into a stable situation. Because even more messed up kids is just what the world needs...

As everyone has said, it’s far more likely to be the first date man rather than the colleague. With your longer cycles, the first date man would be day 16 which is probably bang on for ovulation that day or a day or two after, with your cycle. Sperm can live for a few days but they get less fertile fairly quickly, so it’s really unlikely to be the other man.
A scan would tell you for certain as the two days you had sex are far enough apart for there to be a significant difference in foetal size.

It isn’t stupid and you don’t have to explain yourself. If you want to have sex, have it! There is nothing wrong in that. Congratulations on your pregnancy

It's ONS guy but don't expect balloons and a ring

I’m not sure really what got into me

😏

Please don’t use the word slag. Would you call your potential future daughter a slag?

Children do much better being born out of love and a committed relationship.
Really sad that children are born from ons
I wish OP well