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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

The day I found out about my pregnancy my husband asked for a divorce

191 replies

Umang01 · 06/05/2025 18:19

Hi,
I am a 35 year old woman who just found out about her pregnancy after several years of infertility. So, when my doctor confirmed my pregnancy I just called up my husband to inform him the same. And in return, he asked me to terminate the pregnancy and is also asking for divorce. I just don't know what I should do. I am in a fix. Please help. I am on lot of hormonal medication. I cannot think straight at this point. This is my only chance of being pregnant. It may never happen again for me.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/05/2025 11:01

I know this may look like a strange suggestion, but

have a look at Southall Black Sisters website

yes i know they are based in England,
and yes i know they are only able to ' help ' women in their borough and two ? neighbouring ones
but
they are very experienced and you could write an email and they may be able to signpost you to advice / help in India

carcassonne1 · 07/05/2025 11:24

Dear OP, I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. I find it bizzare that - in spite of this being a love marriage like you describe - you don't seem to have any insight to the thought process and the behaviour of your husband. Has he led a fairly separate to you, independent life so far (meaning, doing whatever he wants to do)? I don't think he will rush to divorce you - you need to tell your parents and in-laws that you are expecting, they will probably do all in their power to talk him out of it. Otherwise your in-laws would be shamed in the society due to their son leaving his pregnant wife, so I'm sure they will want to prevent it. But please consult with a solicitor, because you should financially secure yourself for the near future. Where do you live, does the property belong to you as well? You must check this all now. If needed, sell some jewellerly and get some cash just in case.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 07/05/2025 13:27

It's not your fault he divorced you. He decided to end things your parents will have to talk to him.

Agapornis · 07/05/2025 13:43

I'm sorry your parents are so traditional and unsupportive. Divorce does happen in India and you're not alone. Unfortunately Mumsnet is mostly UK based, so not that relevant to the advice you need. If you search on Reddit you might find some e.g. here
https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/ygb0wu/divorced_women_of_india_what_led_you_to_get_a/?rdt=35826

I think most Indian women move out, and if not supported by their own family, move away from the area and change their number. You don't need to tell your parents you are divorcing right away. Do you have any friends or aunts you can stay with, or who can help financially or recommend a divorce lawyer? I would tell anyone who asks that you need a break - don't mention divorce unless necessary.

You will need a job sooner rather than later.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/05/2025 15:04

Your parents might be annoyed but if you tell them they were right, and ask for their support, they may come round. it would be better for you if they did. I do think that once they set eyes on your beautiful baby (babies), their grandchild.. they will soften.

In any case, as everyone has said... get some space.. get some legal advice and make your plans before you tell your DH anything else.. buy yourself some time. Visit a friend, etc whilst you put your plans into place.. When you do tell him, make sure you have someone else there with you... a relative.. He doesn't sound at all nice.
Good luck OP.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 07/05/2025 15:59

Umang01 · 06/05/2025 19:13

Thank you for the support. It is just been two weeks. The doctor has asked me to visit her on 16th of this month. The thing is it can be a twin pregnancy as my hormone levels are very high (it is still not confirmed though). The doctor has hinted on it after seeing my blood test reports. This is why I 'm panicking. I don't know how I will be able to manage all alone.

You WILL manage. Will it be easy? Heck no! BUT, it will be rewarding and at times, funny, silly, sad, panicky, wonderful and scary. It will also always be loving and your heart will fill more than you thought possible!

I just saw that you live in India. Not sure how the laws work there but you have my very best wishes that it all works out for you and your baby(babies).

Boreded · 07/05/2025 17:51

Jewel52 · 06/05/2025 23:08

What about explaining this to her child/children when they’re older when they inevitably ask about their dad? It sounds like it simplifies her life but will actually cause complications further down the line.

Show quote history

you explain that you had the opportunity to have the child that they have grown into, but to do that you needed to be single. And that you love them…not exactly hard is it.

or are you saying that nobody single should be allowed a baby

Jewel52 · 07/05/2025 23:22

Boreded · 07/05/2025 17:51

you explain that you had the opportunity to have the child that they have grown into, but to do that you needed to be single. And that you love them…not exactly hard is it.

or are you saying that nobody single should be allowed a baby

Show quote history

But that’s the point / she isn’t single, is she? So she would have to lie about the real circumstances in which her child was conceived to the child. This isn’t some kind of morality issue over single mums (I am a single parent!) but about creating a tangled web. Divorces don’t happen particularly quickly so this baby would likely be born whilst she’s still married. So are you saying that she should also pretend that she was never married or what? And now you’re getting into a whole load of lies that you’re telling to your own child. And are all her friends, family etc going to just go along with this?

BlondiePortz · 07/05/2025 23:25

Boreded · 07/05/2025 17:51

you explain that you had the opportunity to have the child that they have grown into, but to do that you needed to be single. And that you love them…not exactly hard is it.

or are you saying that nobody single should be allowed a baby

Show quote history

Or 'my need to have a baby overides what is best for a child' yes I could dress it up to something fancy but how many parents put their needs to have a child over everything else, how much thought is given to the child and the life they are being born into with all parents?

'it is all about me' seems to be the way the world works

Boreded · 08/05/2025 01:51

Jewel52 · 07/05/2025 23:22

But that’s the point / she isn’t single, is she? So she would have to lie about the real circumstances in which her child was conceived to the child. This isn’t some kind of morality issue over single mums (I am a single parent!) but about creating a tangled web. Divorces don’t happen particularly quickly so this baby would likely be born whilst she’s still married. So are you saying that she should also pretend that she was never married or what? And now you’re getting into a whole load of lies that you’re telling to your own child. And are all her friends, family etc going to just go along with this?

Show quote history

She will be when the baby is born.

right now the alternatives are:

  1. abort the baby so you don’t raise it alone
  2. keep the baby and force dad to pay for a baby he doesn’t want and the baby is forced to see him
  3. raise it alone. She wants the baby, doesn’t need the man.

it Is ok to raise a baby alone. The baby will be born before she ever gets to court, given the amount of time it takes. And when the baby is young he doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of the previous relationship, when he is older you tell them…

you realise that mothers all over have babies via sperm donors right? And dads get surrogates and raise them alone too. You don’t have to be a perfect couple, or a divorced couple to have a baby. One parent is enough

Jewel52 · 08/05/2025 08:17

Boreded · 08/05/2025 01:51

She will be when the baby is born.

right now the alternatives are:

  1. abort the baby so you don’t raise it alone
  2. keep the baby and force dad to pay for a baby he doesn’t want and the baby is forced to see him
  3. raise it alone. She wants the baby, doesn’t need the man.

it Is ok to raise a baby alone. The baby will be born before she ever gets to court, given the amount of time it takes. And when the baby is young he doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of the previous relationship, when he is older you tell them…

you realise that mothers all over have babies via sperm donors right? And dads get surrogates and raise them alone too. You don’t have to be a perfect couple, or a divorced couple to have a baby. One parent is enough

Show quote history

Everything you say is about the rights of a woman to raise a baby alone. I think that battle has already been won.

But I don’t agree that it’s ok or even necessary to lie in this situation to achieve that. Just make the decision and explain to her DH that she will keep her baby and he has the option to not be involved (the likeliest outcome anyway).

You may disagree and that’s fine, but I think it matters that when my child asks about their dad that I can answer honestly, rather than knowing that I told him the person stood in front of me had been aborted.

Washingupdone · 08/05/2025 14:10

Most of the MNs on here are talking about OP as if she lived in the UK.
It must be totally different in India where a woman is still not free to marry who she wants to and it is strongly frowned upon if does something against her parents wishes.

Good luck Umang01 in whatever you decide.

Boreded · 09/05/2025 01:56

Jewel52 · 08/05/2025 08:17

Everything you say is about the rights of a woman to raise a baby alone. I think that battle has already been won.

But I don’t agree that it’s ok or even necessary to lie in this situation to achieve that. Just make the decision and explain to her DH that she will keep her baby and he has the option to not be involved (the likeliest outcome anyway).

You may disagree and that’s fine, but I think it matters that when my child asks about their dad that I can answer honestly, rather than knowing that I told him the person stood in front of me had been aborted.

Show quote history

You can answer honestly. Your dad didn’t want to be a father, I wanted to be a mother, we divorced and I had you.

none of that is a lie

reesespieces123 · 09/05/2025 09:04

Jewel52 · 08/05/2025 08:17

Everything you say is about the rights of a woman to raise a baby alone. I think that battle has already been won.

But I don’t agree that it’s ok or even necessary to lie in this situation to achieve that. Just make the decision and explain to her DH that she will keep her baby and he has the option to not be involved (the likeliest outcome anyway).

You may disagree and that’s fine, but I think it matters that when my child asks about their dad that I can answer honestly, rather than knowing that I told him the person stood in front of me had been aborted.

Show quote history

You think that battle has been won 'in India?

Jewel52 · 09/05/2025 10:56

reesespieces123 · 09/05/2025 09:04

You think that battle has been won 'in India?

Show quote history

Fair point and you’re right, I am looking at this from a UK perspective

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