Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

@HLouise94 welcome, I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through - I can’t imagine what it must have been like to loose your daughter at 37 weeks, I’m so sorry 💔💔
I hope you find the thread helpful, I’m 16 weeks so not too far in front of you xx

Thank you! ❤️ How are you feeling? Are your first trimester symptoms starting to disappear now?xx

@HLouise94 yes I’m feeling much better now, still have some mild nausea from time to time but much more energy and feeling ‘normal’ again.
I have just stopped progesterone too so feeling less bloated.

I’ve been anxious throughout, I’ve bled from 6-13 weeks and then had another one at 15 and in hosp got the day - so don’t feel reassurance has ever lasted long sadly. I keep thinking by x weeks I’ll feel better but haven’t managed to get there yet. I did however manage to order some maternity bits and a few baby grows however staying packaged until the 20w, don’t want to jinx anything (which is ridiculous).
how about you? Guessing you’re on the never ending anxiety train too?

I can totally related to everything you’ve said! I imagine that having lots of bleeds has been very stressful though as you automatically assume the worst when you see that! 🙈 Do you have a hematoma or something?

I’m ridiculously anxious if I’m totally honest. I’m having therapy to help me to deal with it because it’s just taking over every part of my life. I’m low on iron and have been having constant heart palpitations which have made me believe that I’m at risk of collapsing from a heart attack at any moment! I think the palpitations are worse because I’m so anxious. It’s a vicious cycle!

I'm sorry for your losses @HLouise94 . I know a a couple of women who had still births/neonatal losses who went on to have successful pregnancies. Even being stepped away and not directly involved I have felt the impact on how I see pregnancy I can't imagine how hard it must be when it's your own reality.
Take things day by day, seek as much support as you need.

I had compassion focused therapy after having my daughter it's the recommended treatment for peri/post natal mental illness. It might be worth looking into. One of the really tricky times with mental health is when there is actually a legitimate reason for anxiety but your mind escalates it beyond the legitimate reasons. It's hard to separate out the things you ought to be anxious about and things you shouldn't. When I have been in these situations I have found giving my brain a time and place where it can dump all the anxieties and it's deepest fears and then I can go "thank you. I will bear those thoughts in mind but not right now". Whilst doing the washing up or showering worked well as there was a defined end up point.

Thank you so much for your words of advice! I will definitely work on compart mentalising my anxious thoughts. It’s just so difficult isn’t it! My mind races straight to the worst case scenario in every situation and it’s absolutely exhausting. I think because I’ve been through something that is quite ‘rare’ it just makes me think that the worst thing could always happen to me. My brain is my worst enemy at the moment!

My current box is 10 days, I think the previous one was 14 days but with the weaning down it lasted nearly 3 weeks.
It can be hard, my daughter was on lactulose as a newborn prescribed 100ml at a time 10ml twice a day but it was a nightmare trying to get a new bottle every 5 days

Hi @hlouise94, I'm glad you found us from the other thread 💕 I found it so hard to relate to anyone in the normal due date ones because after a loss the whole experience is so entirely different 💔

I'm do very sorry to hear of your experiences 😔 I hope we can help in some small way.

When is your EDD? Xx

Yes, my family has had some bad luck health wise and we have had some 'rare' events happen too it does make you more nervous.

My worst time for anxiety was during my PhD when one of my supervisors was actively trying to get me thrown off the course. It was really hard having anxiety that people were out to get me when there was actually someone trying to get me and then it just spiralled from there until the fate of the universe was in my hands.

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction! I think this thread is definitely better for me 🥰

I’m due the 17th November but won’t go that far. I’m under a specialist consultant who said that baby will be delivered at 37 weeks this time to be on the safe side and to help with my anxiety! I have to say that with regards to my medical care, I am getting everything under the sun and cannot fault them one bit xx

No problem at all 💕

I'm so glad to hear you feel well looked after. You deserve the full VIP treatment ❤️

I'm due 19th November but my DS was induced a week early due to his supposed sized but I think our babas measure big because we're both tall! So I think it'll be the same story again this time too xx

@HLouise94 I’m sorry to hear about your previous losses. It sounds like you’re getting really good monitoring and care.

@CloudsInMyCoffee09I’m glad your last scan went well. Hopefully it brought some comfort yesterday for you.

I’m having a bit of a wibble this evening. I’ve had a few hours of quite painful cramping this afternoon. No bleeding just the painful cramps. It seemed to ease a bit after I’d been to the toilet so not sure if I was just a bit constipated (sorry for the TMI). I’ve just had a soak in the bath to try to relax a bit. I’m not cramping anymore and haven’t for a couple of hours but my tummy just feels a bit sore. I think I’m just more nervous as we go on holiday in 2 days time and my anxiety has kicked in. I guess if it’s no better tomorrow I’ll ring the midwife and get her opinion. It’s just such a worrying journey

Dedinitely sounds like gas and constipation. I found weetabix in a morning had kept me quite regular!
Definitely add some more fibre to your diet, think some cramping is normal since everything is stretching out and blood with those cramps id definitely ring triage and dont take no for an answer as they will try and fob you off ive found, when i had my bleeding with some packpain they said wait and see.... absolutly not, not with my history!!

So if you're still struggling id speak to someone! X

Hellooo, welcome! Sorry ive been a little late in saying Hi! Any loss is devastating but to have your daughter born sleeping is just heartbreaking, i honestly cried when i read that. Thats something nobody should ever experience!
Im glad to see on this thread you're getting excellent care! Is that all through the NHS?
Fingers crossed for you, think we're all in the best place to be honest and its a really nice idea for @CloudsInMyCoffee09 to have created this thread otherwise i feel like people who have experienced loss at any gestation who are now expecting wouldnt have a place to vent their anxiety and get actual advice from others who have been through it themselves.

I dont like the Due Nov threads, ive seen so many of them and others in the past too. With my second pregnancy i was on a due March thread and i mentioned about how nervous i was following a loss and it didnt get through very well😅
Nobody understood, they just said well you're pregnant again now and you'll be fine. Which clearly i wasnt as i went on to have 3 miscarriages around the 6 week mark.
Sometimes people believe theyre untouchable with pregnancy and go through it like theres going to be no issues at all and others cannot relate to that and thats ok.
Im glad you've found a safe space! We're happy to have you on this difficult journey! X

You guys will get this.
I'm currently sat in the rainbow room where they do the reassurance scans after losses at the hospital waiting for my obstetrician appointment.
It's where we found out our last pregnancy had ended.
A bit awkward and a bit wobbly

@Superscientist oh bless you, hope you're ok. Knocks you sick doesn't it :( Hope all goes ok xx

@Superscientist those sort of situations are so tough! Our hospital has a separate EPAC waiting room which is helpful, although it is a room st the back of the regular waiting room, so you walk by pregnant women twhich I always found hard!

I have foubd recently at the scans I have been too, I mention my history before they scan and thankfully the fiest thibg they have said to me each time this pregnancy is “heartbeat is nice and strong there” which helps. I feel like there should be more ways to let sonographers know if someone had had losses as it completely changes how you view them!

Thanks, this is a little room away from the epu and regular ultrasound room. It was funded through donations from a family who's little one was born sleeping so that families that experience loss can have scans away from memories. I just didn't realise they used it for clinics too!
The epu is on the other side of the building to the antenatal care bit which is good

Appointment went well, I'm bipolar and had severe depression and psychosis after having my daughter. There's at 50+% chance of it happening again so the appointment was about putting things in place so I can get support quickly if I need. I have the phone numbers for the mental health midwives now and they are putting in a referral to the perinatal mental health team. I can give birth in the midwife led unit but will need a stay on the maternity ward afterwards for 1-2 days and they are going to put me on the priority list for a single room. I'm going to get midwife care for the full 28 days after birth rather than the 10 days that most women get. It all still feels a very long way away though!

Had some more brown bleeding start🫠
Started Tuesday and went within an hour or so and ive got up and gone to the loo this morning and found brown blood upon wiping. If this is the SCH it needs to stop🫠

No pain or clots, just brown discharge! I hope i dont have this throughout my pregnancy.

Its making Sunday even scarier now😪

It must be really stressful having a SCH giving you all these symptoms! As if being pregnant isn’t anxiety inducing enough. How many weeks are you? I really hope that it resolves soon so that you can settle a bit. Do you have a scan on Sunday? That will hopefully give you peace of mind xx

@HLouise94 welcome. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through I’ve only had one early MMC myself but my sister had a full term still born so I’ve witnessed the devastation and life changing impact it has. Please find comfort in the fact she has gone on to have a baby and he is now a happy and healthy 3 year old. I really hope this is the pregnancy that bring you your earth side baby.

@LER2023 That sounds so stressful. You could reach out again and get it rechecked?

@Superscientist that sounds tough, hope you got through your appointment okay. I have purposely changed hospital as I don’t ever want to see the EPU there ever again.

I actually went for a last minute scan yesterday as the weekend really played tricks on my mind. In my MMC when my sickness was at its absolute worst and I thought it was a good sign I was completely wrong and the baby had stopped growing prior. So, after the peak sickness over the weekend I felt I needed to get checked. Thankfully all is okay in measuring 11+2 which is a couple of day ahead of other scans, so growth is good and heartbeat was perfect so feeling a little more positive going into the 12w next week now. We will be letting some close family know shortly so that feels like a big deal and like we’re starting to let our guards down and accept that hopefully this baby is the one intended to be with us here.

Hope everyone else is doing good!!!

Are any of you ladies around 15/16 weeks and still not felt movement yet? Really wanting to feel a little kick as I don’t have another scan for 4 weeks so need the reassurance as I’m always assuming the worst!

@HLouise94 I'm 15+1 and haven't felt anything yet. I believe it's normal to happen anywhere from 16 to 24 weeks? Could you book a private scan if you're struggling with anxiety? Hope you're ok! xx

@KT199 so glad you had a positive scan to put your mind at ease a bit 💕

That was a good idea re the hospital switch - I pretty much have a panic attack every time I go near the place but can't really go anywhere else 😕

@LER2023 sorry you're having to deal with this extra stress on top of everything else. Have you called your midwife or EPU? They might offer you another scan or something given the circumstances just to check all is ok and give you some reassurance? xx

@HLouise94 I’m only 14weeks so won’t feel anything just yet. Have they said where your placenta is? With my daughter (and now this one) it is posteria, so at the back. It can often mean you feel movements earlier - which is why the window is 16-24weeks. I was lucky with my first to feel flutters earlier, as usually your first tends to be a little bit later, so I’m hoping the same happens this time!

@Superscientist I’m glad they have a good plan in place for you - that must be an added worry for you on top of all other things ante/post natal!