Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 still feel a bit rough - with my daughter the nausea lasted until around 17weeks, but I’m definitely starting to feel a bit more excited about things, whi ch at least makes the feeling so rough more manageable! Although by next week I’ll probably be back to worried just before the scan - I think it will take me a while to be ok with them!

@Bellabubble bless you, sorry you're still feeling ropey. But lovely that the excitement is starting to creep in 💕I'm not sure we'll ever be ok with scans tbh but i'm clinging to the hope that when we all start feeling our babas moving it'll take some of the stress out of things! Until we're over analysing movements and going to get checked every other day 😅

We finally told my MIL yesterday so it'll feel more real once more and more people know the news. I only told her because my DP was pushing for it so he could talk to her about it, otherwise I'd have tried to keep it a secret for as long as possible haha xx

In the anxiety trenches today 😔 I had a scan Monday and the growth over two weeks was only 13 days worth instead of the 14, which I know is only marginal but can’t get it out of my head. When I had my MMC we saw heartbeat ect and all looked fine to be scanned the next time and be told nothing had changed since that scan day. Can’t shake from my head that maybe the 13 days growth was a bad sign and that maybe it was stalling so things could be different now even though it’s only 4 days on. I wish there was a way to tell but I know I can’t go for a scan again so soon so need to try relax.

I also got my blood results to my app from booking appointment with a lot of stuff out of range so naturally that’s worried me too and hoping a midwife is going to get in touch to discuss.

Early pregnancy after loss is actual hell.

Sending hugs @KT199I know nothing anyone says will help with the anxiety but we’re all here riding the same train of worry and support. I hope the midwife is in touch soon. If not maybe give them a ring to talk through your concerns.

I’m trying to remain positive. Still early days for me. 6 weeks now. Still waiting for a booking appointment and worrying a little bit as we’re away over half term and you can guarantee they’ll want to see me then!

I’ve bought the book Pregnancy after Loss and started to read it. I’m finding it a comfort. I think someone may have mentioned it on this thread. I like how it has a section for every day of pregnancy.

Wishing everyone the start of a lovely weekend

Sorry to hear you’re not doing great @KT199 it can be so stressful when dates aren’t matching up on scans. A lot can change between now and your 12 week scan. The hospital told me not to stress about the dates in early scans as the 12 week is the most accurate.
For blood results you can contact your doctor or nurse and go through it with them if you don’t want to wait to speak to the midwife.

Sorry to hear that @KT199. No solutions here, but lots of empathy - MMCs are so difficult and completely destroy any peace of mind in the future. I’m 15 weeks and had a scan at 14 weeks, but I’m still worried that the baby has died without me knowing. I’m also still struggling to feel happy about this pregnancy - objectively I am delighted, but I just don’t FEEL that happiness in the way I did for my last pregnancy (which ended in loss).

Oh @KT199 it's so hard, would it help to look at it in terms of percentages? 13 days growth in 14 days is 93% of the expected growth!
how far along are you now?
I've just picked a 2 week window 8 to 10 weeks. An 8 week old embryo is ~16 mm and 10 weeks ~31 mm. Let's say there's a 5% error on the values the 8 week measurement could have been over by 5% and have measured at 16.8mm the 10 week measurement have been under by 5% at 29.5 mm. Now you have a situation where the embryo seems to have grown by ~13mm in 2 weeks when it would have been expected that it should have grown by a 15mm. It's not that this embryo hasn't growth sufficiently it's just the error in the measurements.

@KT199 so sorry you're struggling, we all totally understand how you're feeling. Like someone else said, MMCs just destroy any peace of mind because even an hour after a positive scan you can be worrying something might have changed since then. I have no advice because I struggled to distract myself or put it to one side, i just had to ride it out and it was hell so I really feel for you. Definitely speak to someone about your results and even tell them how anxious you're feeling so they understand and can support any way they can. Sending you lots of love xx

I had similar stresses @KT199 - I don't know if this is reassuring, but I asked one of the sonographers at a private scan about expected growth and why the baby might not be exactly the size expected.

She said that growth isn't necessarily linear - the baby doesn't grow by exactly the same number of mm each day, more like in little growth spurts. So even if there was no measurement error at all, you still wouldn't necessarily see exactly 2 weeks' worth of growth in 2 weeks.

She also said that there is a lot of measurement error in the first trimester. The baby is so small and the realistic limit of measurement is about 1mm, so very small differences in measurement can lead to quite a few days' difference in estimated size/age.

I actually saw this in action at my first scan. Should have been 6w4d. The first measurement the sonographer said something like "measuring 5mm, about 5 weeks". Then took another measurement and said "oh look, we've got to 6mm - that's 6 weeks." I could see on the screen that the exact measurement was somewhere between 6 and 7mm, so I think she was rounding down. It was actually somewhat reassuring to see how blase she was about getting an accurate measurement, because it showed me that the exact size is less important than the qualitative stuff - is the baby there, is there a strong heartbeat etc.

@KT199 at my EPAC scan at 8wks 6days, they said I was marginally behind but not enough to chabge dates, and the percentile chart showed it was 28% - at 11wks 1day last weekend they said the growth was 68% percentile - so I think it must just be like when children grow. Sometimes theu seem the same height for ages and all of a sudden the grow 1cms or more in just a few days x

Thank you so much ladies, to each and everyone of you !! @Fullofconfusion @Pumpkinspice13 @MaudePie @Superscientist @CloudsInMyCoffee09 @InvisibleDragon @Bellabubble

I really appreciate the support and understanding. It’s a wild ride and the anxiety really does ebb and flow. I’m calmer this afternoon thankfully. But wow no one prepared me for this, I feel women who have experienced loss are really let down by the NHS as there really isn’t enough support or resources.

Hi all, I've been on this thread lurking in the earlys not posting about my own losses or TTC. So I'm just posting that after reaching 15 pregnancies all in all. I now have my blessed miracle third baby born today a boy at 7.13oz. his older siblings a boy 9 and a girl 5 are in love. although I never chose to find out the sex the testing reports do tell you. So it was very bittersweet and made names more complicated. As I'm sure you will understand. Love too all no matter where you are on this journey.

Omg!! Congratulations on your baby boy! I hope this now brings you so much happiness and love after 15 pregnancies!
Sending love to you and your family xx

@SnakebitesandSambucas congratulations to you and your family!! Xx

Congratulations @SnakebitesandSambucas , that's lovely news!

Huge congratulations @SnakebitesandSambucasenjoy every moment of the newborn snuggles

Morning! How is everyone doing? Any scans or results this week? Xx

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 I have a scan on Thursday - the anxiety has already kicked in!! Weirdly my nausea seems to have ramped up too - so I just got some anti-sickness bands to try. I’m licky I haven’t ever been sick, but it sort of switches between that sockness feeling you get when you are really hungry (even though I’m not because I’ve just eaten) and the type where you know you’ve got a stomach bug on the way and are hustling waiting for the inevitable. Although I never get the inevitable lol! How are you?

Oh bless you, I hope the bands help! I know the feeling, I had to constantly eat to stop myself feeling sick. Hopefully the nausea passes for you soon!

Best of luck for your scan - Is this a private or NHS one? I hope the next few days go quickly for you 💕

I'm ok thanks. In that weird limbo bit where I don't really have any symptoms any more (other than an expanding waistline) and can't feel baby move yet so it's almost easier to put the pregnancy anxiety out of my mind a little. I have a private scan two weeks today when i'll be 16 weeks so now the countdown is on my worry is starting to creep back in. I still don't feel like it's sunk in yet even after the 12 week scan but I hope at some point I start to believe it's all really happening!

I also have a bit of work stress as I'm not sure my role is safe at the moment, so i'm low key looking for something else so I have a back up plan before it's impossible to hide my tummy! xx

I hope the band helps @Bellabubble and good luck with your scan

I'm sorry work things are tricky @CloudsInMyCoffee09 , I was made redundant at 7 weeks pregnant and although I got through to final interview with two jobs I didn't get anything. I've just accepted I'm on a career break now, I'll start looking again when baby is about 6 months. Thankfully we can afford for me to not work in the medium term. I can claim maternity allowance soon so I'll do that.

Morning ladies!!

Hope your all well.

As for me I’m doing okay, sickness has subsided a fair bit but darent stop taking the medication in case it’s a very good mask. I will be 10 weeks tomorrow and my 12 week scan is 2 weeks tomorrow. Feels very strange this phase as I’m very anxious to reach 12 weeks but just trying to hope and believe I will get there and this baby is meant to be. I did think about maybe having another scan this week but I am not sure it will provide reassurance for much more than a day or two so I am trying to hold out now until my 12 week. Really hope the time passes quickly and all is okay! 🤞

Hi ladies

nothing for me this week. I’m still waiting to hear from the midwife to make me an initial booking appointment. Sort of feel in limbo at the moment. I’m 6 and a half weeks on my calculations. We go away at half term and I’m hoping to book a private scan and NIPT shortly after we return when I’ll be 10 weeks.

Those of you who had the private NIPT, what happens with the NHS testing? Do you have that too? Last time around we didn’t do a private test and just waited for our 12 week screening and then as that came back as a higher risk we were offered the NIPT through the NHS

I’m so tired! And I seem to be getting hit with late afternoon sickness which isn’t great as it’s around the time that I need to be cooking tea for everyone, makes it somewhat challenging!

@Fullofconfusion I had a private nipt - they still suggest you go to the NHS scan - but I will tell them I have had my nipt and the results were all low risk so then they can decide what they want to do! I also get worse nuasea in the eves - makes bedtime with my sleep resisting 3yr old a bit of a mission!!

Thank you @Superscientist and @CloudsInMyCoffee09 - I’m hoping they work, I had nausea until about 17 weeks with my daughter, so figured it was worth a shot. Last time I was working full time in school but fir my first trimester we had lockdown so there were less children in and I could hide it better lol!

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 I hope the next 2 weeks goes by quickly for you - the scan anxiety is tough!!

@KT199 I was the same as you - my scan relief was so short lived post scans (and my worry before them was so bad) I ended up having a word with myself and trying to get into the mindset that a scan wouldn’t change an outcome (if that makes sense?) and I did begin to find it easier x

Hi lovely ladies, nothing for me this week.

We've agreed to find out the sex early, we're not doing a gender reveal party as we're just going to put money back into baby funds! We'll just show the picture/video of the gender reveal!
2 weeks to wait and we'll be finding out.
I have a breast screening on the same day as i have my 16 week midwife appointment😅

All my bleeding has stopped thankfully, but every time i feel somewhat very wet, i always get really worried about it!

Im back at work now thankfully!

I dont feel pregnant at all, but found i seem to have popped this week😅
I mean that possibly is the bloating, but it seems like ive really popped haha and people are noticing although im trying to wear my baggy clothes still!

We've finally announced it to my niece and shes so excited and wishes that i have a girl, so im betting shes probably going to be very disappointed if its a boy🤣

Hope everyones doing ok x