Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

@LER2023 glad you had such a positive experience!!

@Superscientist fingers crossed all is well for your anomaly scan.

@Xwx1010 so pleased you had a lovely scan, I hope the reassurance lasts!!

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 i hope your scan on Monday goes perfectly!! It is very scary the build up to a scan.

Just a general question, how many scans did you guys have in the first trimester? I’ve had one so far where I measured 6w6d and all looked okay, I am around 8w1/2d today and already feel the same worry again I felt before the initial scan and keep thinking that anything could have changed. It doesn’t help that I’ve had some really sad news this week about my dog so I think I’m just in that kind of negative/upset mindset and it’s making me worry and panic more. My next scan I booked for 9w3/4d but already wanting to bring it forward. My DH is completely okay if I do but he does think it’s best to wait as it’s only been 10 days since the last one.

@KT199 Hi lovely, I'm so sorry to hear about your pupper - I hope they're ok ❤

I'm a huge believer in doing what ever the heck you need to do to survive this phase!

I had my first NHS scan at 8 weeks (but measured 9). My second scan was a private one and that was only about 10 days later because I wanted to make sure baby was still with us before I had my booking in appointment.

The gap between that and my NHS 12 week scan is about 2.5 weeks which has felt like a long slog.

We've said we'll then get a private one at 16 weeks to break up the massive gap between 12 and 20 week NHS scans... but honestly I've told my DP that if I start feeling anxious in between I'm booking more for my sanity.

He's concerned we'll get addicted to scans but I really think once I feel movement I won't need them anymore, especially as if I'm ever worried about anything by that point they'll take me straight in to be checked over. So, we might end up having them every two weeks until 20 weeks because I'm not sure how I'd wait a month not knowing if anything has changed.

Honestly though, just do whatever makes you feel better, even if it's fleeting because this time is so rough for so many reasons. Just do what you gotta do :)

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 thank you.

You did well to wait until 8 weeks initially, I was desperate for one at 6w so waited as long as I could and got to 6w6d. I bet skipping a week was great for the mental game!!

The way I planned it initially was 3 weeks between each scan give or take a few days for the first trimester but struggling already. I will definitely try hold out, but similar to you booking appointment is Tuesday and almost want to know everything is ok when I attend that.. but then I do get anxiety when I think about the idea of physically having the scan so it puts me off moving it at the same time.

It is such a long wait between 12 and 20, I can’t believe actually that the NHS give so few scans in general. As I’ve only had one MMC they wouldn’t provide an early one for me unless something was wrong so I’ve gone private for it!

@KT199 the first wait was so hard! But we agreed not to go any earlier because if it was too early to see anything properly and we were told to come back in a couple of weeks, it would have just massively added to my stress.

Tbh i'm quite impressed with myself for only having two so far haha. I guess the NIPT stuff kept me distracted for a week or so! 😅

I'm the same, I want scans and I count down the days but then when it comes to it i'm on the verge of a panic attack each time.

MMCs make us so paranoid, it's awful. I can't bear the chat in the normal 'due November' thread because most in there seem oblivious to the fact anything could go wrong and are on a totally different wavelength... 'i'm pregnant therefore I'm having a baby!' That's how I was in my first pregnancy, I miss that blind optimism x

Thanks for the well wishes for Monday, I'll let you know how I get on

I had a scan at 8+3 at the epu and then my dating scan, I've got my anomaly scan Monday. I'm lucky my epu offers reassurance scan after losses from 6 weeks but I was already more than 7 weeks when I found out! I had 2 there in my last pregnancy plus one at the epu to confirm loss with my daughter I only had the dating and anomaly scan and with my first loss I only had the scan that confirmed the loss at 10 weeks.

I’ve had one at 5+5 (only because they messed up my hcg results and frogmarched me to a&e!) then just after 6 and 8 with IVF clinic.10w with EPAU and nhs 12 week dating scan. It was a lot but I’ve had a bleeding from week 6 and they found a SCH at the 10 week scan. I’m 14w tomorrow and I’m already itching to check alls ok again, I’m going to try and holdout until 15/16 at least though if I can.
no call re the trisomy screening so hoping that means alls ok and a letter making its way to me on the posts xx

@xwx1010 how are you feeling? I've got everything crossed for good news, and no phone call yet feels like a good sign 💕🙏

Random one... but is anyone else's skin fluctuating? I've always struggled with my skin and at the start of the pregnancy it was probably the worst it's ever been. Then a few weeks ago it became the best it's been in a really long time, I thought I might actually have a chance of that pregnancy glow that everyone talks about this time haha. However, it's getting worse again now. Do you think my hormones could still be all over the place?
This and the sickness made me start thinking maybe it stopped because the placenta started taking over but something has caused it to fail so my hormones are kicking back in... I'm clearly no doctor and I know I'm over analysing which we shouldn't do... so sorry for this whole message 🙈

@KT199 - I agree with @CloudsInMyCoffee09 and think everyone should do whatever gets them through (if they are in a position to do so!). This pregnancy I had private scans at 6+1 (as I still didn't believe it and wanted to check that it wasn’t a molar), 8+2, 10+2 (around the time my baby last year died and I needed the reassurance that it hadn’t happened again) and then at 12 weeks, which was only two days before my NHS scan but I just couldn’t bear the thought of going into that room again and being told that there was no heartbeat so needed as much reassurance as I could (I was still pretty terrified!).

I know some places say no less than two weeks between scans, but speaking to doctor friends there isn’t any science to back that up and they are all supremely relaxed about more frequent scans.

@KT199 I had private scans at 6, 8 and 10 weeks, then NHS dating scan at 12 weeks and another private scan at 14 weeks.

At my 16 week midwife appointment she was able to find baby's heartbeat and then I had my NHS anomaly scan at 20 weeks.

I found it helpful to have the private scans because after a MMC I couldn't just trust that the baby was still alive and I wasn't willing to risk going about my life assuming everything was great to then find my baby died weeks ago.

Something I found helpful with the scans was to list the possible outcomes I was worried about (no heartbeat/measuring behind/major anomaly/everything fine) and my percentage belief for each one before the scan and then compare it to the actual outcome.

At the 8 week scan, I rated something like 80-90% prediction that the baby would have no heartbeat and something quite similar at 10 weeks. But having that prediction disconfirmed at the scans did help to reduce the anxiety and shift my belief, so that by 20 weeks I was still quite anxious but was more like 80% sure that things would be ok.

I think the rating helped me to use the extra scans for more than just reassurance, to gradually increase my trust that things might be ok.

I also vaguely noted all the thoughts (of varying degrees of ridiculous) about why the baby might not be ok - from the vaguely grounded in reality like "DS had a cold, what if it was slapped cheek and it transferred to baby?" to the totally ridiculous (I saw a single magpie. I ate something that is prohibited in my husband's religion) - so that all those fears could also be disconfirmed by a positive scan outcome.

Can confirm that I have seen many many lobe magpies and nothing bad has happened yet!

Morning,

I believe the no less than two weeks apart thing for scans comes from if you're scanning for growth monitoring - so if you scan too soon after the previous scan, they won't see enough change to spot if there's anything to be worried about with the rate of growth. No one has been remotely bothered when I've gone 10 days apart etc.

@InvisibleDragon that's a great idea, thanks for sharing. After my first MMC I listed down every reason I thought it could possibly be my fault (some were completely nuts) and I was lucky enough to have a lovely GP who sat and insisted I tell her every single one so she could debunk it and make me realise ti wasn't anything I did. Gosh that makes me want to cry just thinking about it bless her.

I think I'm going to have the same spacing of scans that you had too, 12 week one on Monday, then a private at 14 weeks, and if the midwife can hear the heartbeat at 16 that might help put me on till 20 weeks but we shall see!

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Keep thinking this is a good idea to have scans spaced between the 12 and 20. We've agreed to definitely not having an early gender scan because of timing for his sister having her operstion and all that.

Im absolutely shitting myself today, i have it in my mind that the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and i want to be pleasantly surprised by a 12 week scan! But god it doesnt half make it difficult.

I've got everyone rooting for me today, all my family and friends.
My colleagues who know, theyre all rooting for me.

I work in the hospital thats right at the side of the hospital i need to be at, so im planning on taking them through the hospital out of the side entrance (quickest way round) if i get caught then thats my bad and i'll suffer the consequences of taking people around the hospital without permission🤣🤣

oh gosh, good luck @LER2023! I didn't realise what day it was! Sending all of the positivity your way! 💕

haha just say they requested the scenic route 😂

@LER2023 waht time is your scan? Thinking of you x

@LER2023 good luck for your scan! We’ll be thinking of you.

just got home from the busiest week in work, a weekend of rest now for me! Still no call re trisomy so hoping it’s good news coming soon in a letter x

Baby, with 2 legs, 2 arms a heartbeat and a head.
Healthy 12 week and 6 days! New due date... 15th of November and not the 16th now hahaha

We're over the bloody moon!

Omg amazing news!! 💕congratulations!

I've been nervous about your scan all day, no wonder I'm a wreck at my own if I can't even handle someone else's 🙃

Amazing news @LER2023 x

That's great @LER2023

That's lovely news @LER2023 , congratulations!!

@LER2023 fantastic! So pleased for you.

@LER2023 congratulations :) they do offer some respite at least after the scans so hopefully you sre enjoying the moment x

i have my nipt test today (also comes with a scan) and I am firmly in the dread state of feels. I still feel rough come the eves, but I haven’t put on any weight which keeps playing on my mind (with my daughter I’d put on a ridiculous amount- although I was about 10kgs lighter pre-pregnancy with her so maybe that is something) at least I’ll know something one way of the ither before the day is out!

@Bellabubble good luck today, hope it all goes well for you 💕 how far along are you now? Xx

@CloudsInMyCoffee09 they put me as 11wks 4days and my ovulation app thingy puts me at 11wks 1day - so not too much variation! They said it was all looking good - it was a private place but it was started up by some midwives that used to work at my local hospital and they are very thorough which i like. Just about a week to wait for the nipt results now 🤞🏻

Aw brilliant news, congratulations 💕 hope you get your results back ASAP. The wait nearly made me loose my marbles haha. Try and stay busy and distracted if you can! 😊 xx