Pregnant with 'oops' twins & 3 DC

[RM24]

Hello, I am currently in the very early stages of pregnancy (6+2w) and have had confirmed with a scan that I am in-fact pregnant with twins (DCDA - they have their own sac and placenta). This pregnancy wasn't planned, I already have 3 DC (12, 9 & 3)
DH doesn't want to go ahead with the pregnancy (this was before I had my scan which was at the gynae clinic as a termination was/is planned, something I wasn't 100% on doing and its heartbreaking but knew it was probably best for our family finically wise)

But strangely now knowing there is a possibility of having twins I know in my heart of hearts I want to carry on with this pregnancy (Im not holding my breath as I have had two miscarriages in the past at 7w & 9w so being very optimistic about this and knowing that not all twin pregnancies progress)

I just want to know I am making the right choice, I feel that twins is a blessing and the chances of me falling pregnant were very very slim and I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason and now being told this news its making me question if I was destined to be a mum of 5 all along! (lol what?!) as I have always said with my other pregnancies, "how exciting if it would be twins!" 5 children just comes with lots of adjustments such as bigger car, the bedroom situation is also another big factor and of course affordability. (DH works full time and I'm self employed and run my own small business)

Im not naive, i know twins must be extremely hard work as well as having 3 children but i just believe you learn to adapt, and my eldest would love to be hands on and offer a helping hand every now and again.
I just have to try and get my husband on board but out of any relationship i cherish the most, it is ours and I would be terrified to push this on him and pay for the consequences later down the line with us not having a great relationship.

Please can I ask for anyones advise, I haven't told anyone due to us potentially not going ahead with the pregnancy as its not something I am proud of and it breaks my heart thinking about doing so, so I would rather have advise anonymously

Thankyou for your time!
x

I think the specialness and excitement of it being a twin pregnancy is causing you to romanticise. It's no more 'meant to be' because its twins that it would be if it were one. Twin pregnancy is just an accident of conception not an special blessing from on high that needs a different approach to decision making. I think if you can move past that thinking you will be in a better position to be objective and make whatever decision is best in the circumstances.

I think given ye were worried about the financial constraints when it was 1, this would be a crazy idea. If you have 1 of each, how will you work the bedroom situation in a few years. Realistically, you will already have to rethink the bedroom situation with the children you currently have. I seem pretty focused on the house layout but I'm a teacher and have had teens crying to me when their parents have announced they were expecting a baby and the house was already tight for space. Adding to that, you said the older one will like to help now and again. Give it another year or two and they could potentially want to be out with friends far more.

5 kids in a 3 bed semi? You can't afford it. You already can't afford separate bedrooms for your sons. Don't be ridiculous.

This is such a rare blessing! Congratulations!

I think this would be a selfish decision and your husband is correct. He didn't want one so why on earth would he want two

I would feel the same as you do and want to have them.

I appreciate all the problems but if you feel you want to continue then hopefully things will work themselves out!

Unlike PP’s and your OP, I don’t think you need to get your DH on board. Trying for a baby is a 2 person decision, terminating is very much a solo decision. My DH knows that should any accidents happen, whilst I would listen to what he has to say, ultimately I would decide whether I wanted to keep the baby or not.

I have no words of advice, I honestly don’t know what I would do in your circumstances. But do what is right for you and you only.

You and your husband not both agreeing with either path is the issue here.

If you abort and don't really want to, you will resent him.

If you don't abort and have five kids in a three bed house (madness btw) then how will you manage if the stress causes you to break up? Can you fund two houses for five children?

I don't envy your position, but you do need to REALLY have a grip on the reality either way.

Thank you 🙏

Not so much a blessing as a massive responsibility.

It says "up end" NOT "end up"

Such a stupid post. Things do not all work out for everyone

She said upend not end up

Don't you know that in Mumsnet land having kids share a bedroom is abusive?

Meanwhile in the real world it's more normal than ever with COL and housing prices.

OP, the 9yo is very soon going to head in to puberty and it won't be comfortable for that child to share with a much younger sibling.

Every year you will be buying 5 lots of new shoes, 5 travel tickets if you want to go anywhere. You can't have a 5 seater car anymore, 5x childcare costs.

Twins are also hard work because they will likely have different sleeping patterns, wake each other up in the early stages. That with a three year old is going to be hard as they need a parent led routine too (bedtimes etc) and it is likely DH will be with one twin and you with the other (from how I've observed it with friends that have twins) and the three year old will find this really hard.

But I do also understand that having a termination when you're already a mother carries very deep feelings.

Only you and DH can discuss this and see if you can manage. You still have a bit of time to decide.

No, it's a true statement. A realistic post unlike the pie in the sky posts telling OP everything will be wonderful

I have friends who had 3 under 3 and then surprise twins, so 5 under 4! They are all in school now and still say although it was hard, it was the best thing they ever did.

If even a smidge of you is unsure about termination or hopes to continue the pregnancy, I personally feel you may regret going ahead with terminating and might always wonder what if. Although I do tend to lean towards everything happens for a reason! I wouldn't do anything permanent unless completely sure.

Typo, question remains.

There was a thread on here last year, same situation. The husband left . I'll try to find it.

I personally wouldn't having had a relative who went through so much with twins and one other child for the first five years. And she had part time help plus a cleaner.

Just very best of luck whatever you decide.

Can you afford the bigger car? If you need to drive regularly you’re going to need a van, as you won’t fit three baby seats, four regular seats and a double pram even in a seven seater car.

Are you likely to be able to move house soon? Seven people in a three bedroom house won’t work long term.

It seems like you’d need to quit work as childcare for twins will be huge, so can you husband afford to pay for you all?

It sounds like you’ll be proceeding with this so good luck and congratulations!

Upend means to turn something upside down. What don't you understand about the post you're querying?

My parents neighbours were in this situ, 3 kids then twins in a 3 bed semi. Ended up with 4 girls and a boy and the 4 girls had to share a room. All moved out as soon as they could.

If you feel you have the energy, time and finances then go for it!
I have 5 children between 21 and 3 and yes it has been damn hard, it still is! but I had little to no help from anyone. But I couldn't imagine not knowing them now they're here :)

I agree

Up to OP ultimately, all the romanticised shite is all well and good but personally I couldn’t impact my existing kids life like this.