Pregnant with 'oops' twins & 3 DC

[RM24]

Hello, I am currently in the very early stages of pregnancy (6+2w) and have had confirmed with a scan that I am in-fact pregnant with twins (DCDA - they have their own sac and placenta). This pregnancy wasn't planned, I already have 3 DC (12, 9 & 3)
DH doesn't want to go ahead with the pregnancy (this was before I had my scan which was at the gynae clinic as a termination was/is planned, something I wasn't 100% on doing and its heartbreaking but knew it was probably best for our family finically wise)

But strangely now knowing there is a possibility of having twins I know in my heart of hearts I want to carry on with this pregnancy (Im not holding my breath as I have had two miscarriages in the past at 7w & 9w so being very optimistic about this and knowing that not all twin pregnancies progress)

I just want to know I am making the right choice, I feel that twins is a blessing and the chances of me falling pregnant were very very slim and I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason and now being told this news its making me question if I was destined to be a mum of 5 all along! (lol what?!) as I have always said with my other pregnancies, "how exciting if it would be twins!" 5 children just comes with lots of adjustments such as bigger car, the bedroom situation is also another big factor and of course affordability. (DH works full time and I'm self employed and run my own small business)

Im not naive, i know twins must be extremely hard work as well as having 3 children but i just believe you learn to adapt, and my eldest would love to be hands on and offer a helping hand every now and again.
I just have to try and get my husband on board but out of any relationship i cherish the most, it is ours and I would be terrified to push this on him and pay for the consequences later down the line with us not having a great relationship.

Please can I ask for anyones advise, I haven't told anyone due to us potentially not going ahead with the pregnancy as its not something I am proud of and it breaks my heart thinking about doing so, so I would rather have advise anonymously

Thankyou for your time!
x

@ThejoyofNC it’s not weird, it’s just an awareness of how hard it is to be a good parent, and harder the more kids you have. It’s simple maths. If 2 kids need to be in 2 different places at the same time, and there are 2 parents, one parent takes one child each . If 10 kids need to be in 10 different places, 8 of them have to sacrifice whatever they were going to be doing.

I wouldn't willingly have 3 kids with those age gaps in a 3 bed, never mind adding newborn twins

@Uberella and is the accepted punishment for not getting a vasectomy having to provide and care for another 2 kids?!

Only you can decide whether you want to proceed with the pregnancy or not. No one else can make the decision for you, although I know it seems easier if someone does! What I will say is to think about how you will feel about your partner further down the line. I fell pregnant at 22 just before our wedding. I was really excited and pleased. When I told my husband his response was “oh s*”. I had a termination because I didn’t want him to resent me or the baby. What actually happened is that I struggled for years with resentment for him pushing me into a termination and constantly wondered “what if” about the child I terminated.
it needs to be your decision, don’t let anyone make it for you. But also be prepared for the consequences of said decision as 5 kids will be hard work

5 kids and you, in a 3 bed semi? Kids who will grow, and want their own space?

I'm really sorry OP, I think you should have the TOP for the sake of your existing children.

OP, I definitely don't think it's a good idea to have an abortion you don't want. Abortion is fantastic for women who want it, but (like any healthcare) is horrific if you don't.

I'm one of 5 and there were times as a teen I found young siblings irritating, but loads of times it was great too. Just be careful not to romanticise the idea of twins. Everyone I know who has had twins has said it is incredibly difficult.

I don't need to calm down thank you and I am not your love.

It is a stupid post because, for many people, things do not work out. Do you never read posts on here where things certainly have not worked out?

I don't see the bad in life but I am realistic. I haven't had bad experiences nor do I have any resentments but at my age I have seen many many many people have bad experiences and regrets.

It could be fantastic for the family but the odds are it will not. The husband doesn't want more children, the house they have is far far too small with no mention of being able to move, so presumably not able to afford to. Just how will they afford FIVE children?

Bloody hell there are some bitter people on this thread.

@RM24 this happened to me, found out I was pregnant with twins unexpectedly but I already a had a toddler and a baby!! Had no idea how I was going to cope but cope I did. We were lucky in that we had a bigger house anyway but so what if the children need to share rooms? I shared a bedroom with my sister growing up and it did no harm whatsoever and I’m really close with her now.

Also having 2 babies to care for is no different to having one ime. My twins are 20 now and I don’t regret them for one minute. It was hard, we made sacrifices but our family is so much better for having them in it.

You can’t get an abortion because you will regret it forever and blame your DH, which will strain your relationship anyway.

Do you have enough time, room and money to cope without impacting your existing kids? They NEED to be your priority, not two clumps of cells. If they're not your priority, it's a bit worrying.

This decision isn't anything I'm proud of or wanted to happen, I wake up everyday wishing this wasn't happening and that I didn't have the weight of this decision on my shoulders, but it is happening and im trying to get a feel of both situations. I may have worded things incorrectly in my original post and yes i have made it sound like a 'fairy tale' but to have the negativity and making me feel like a fool for even starting this thread is madness! There is no need to word things so harshly. I have my children's best interest at heart, of course I do but we are all walking this earth for the first time although some further ahead than others, everything is still a learning curve!
Although some comments have been horrible I have taken points out of them but to say my husband will leave me and my other kids will resent me is so unnecessary 🙄

How dare you suggest she WILL regret it forever. Plenty of people have one every day with no regrets. Stop projecting

Can you afford a bigger house? If not, can you move to a cheaper area to make it a possibility?

Your current house isn’t big enough for the family you have. A three and nine year old sharing is not at all sustainable as the older one enters puberty and starts secondary school.

If proceeding, you need at least five bedrooms. One for you and your DH, one for your daughter, one for each son, and one for the twins. If opposite genders, the twins will need their own rooms by age 8 or 9, but maybe your daughter will have moved out by then (well, let’s just hope she doesn’t want to come home after uni because she won’t have that option!).

@RM24 You’re getting quite a hammering here.

Remember what other people would or wouldn’t do isn’t important here. It’s what you want to do that matters. Ultimately it comes down to do you want 5 children.

Thinking practically can you afford to move?
Your 12 year old will need to keep her own room. The 9 and 3 year old sharing won’t work for long so 9 year old will eventually need his own room. You could put 3 year old and twins into one room if large enough but in the long term you will likely need 5 bedrooms, especially if twins are boy/girl. Is that achievable? I wouldn’t thinking moving your bedroom into dining room will work long term as with 5 children you will need space downstairs.

I agree. I have a 19 and 15 year old and the last 5 years have been the hardest. Way worse than the sleepless nights when they were babies. You can’t take your eye off the ball with teens, because they’re not completely “yours” any more, they’re out and about, doing God knows what. Every day brings some degree of anxiety! And mine are actually pretty good.

Seems they’re all on this thread urging her to get one too!

Your big two are 12&9 and that can make quite a difference. I don’t have twins, but am the older sibling of a pair of twins and a singleton born in very quick succession. I helped my mum a lot - there are loads of photos of me with my siblings - as I was very young, I kind of treated them as dolls, but nevertheless I was able to do their nappies and clothes changes.

It will be very very hard work but you do have very substantial parenting experience.

People on here do seem to advocate for abortions a lot, just bear that in mind. There are some situations where abortion is clear cut the best option, I accept that. But if you don’t want an abortion, then don’t have one. As abortions can cause other problem - depression, resentment etc. And relationship breakdowns.

I second this, your situation would be an absolute blessing for DH and me (I pray that it will yet happen). Larger families are naturally harder work, but it is so rewarding!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. Thinking of those happy six years.

I have twins and will be honest with you it’s unbelievably hard work.

Given you already have 3 children I think you’ll really struggle.

do you have a lot of money as the adjustments for twins and the extra costs of everything are huge.

Ill also warn you that the divorce rate of people with twins is much higher than average as well

Hello OP. I think this is such a personal decision but I would absolutely make your own decision rather than letting your DH influence you. Ultimately you are the one who is pregnant and it is your body. If it were me then I would 100% keep the babies as I enjoyed being pregnant and don't find small babies and children very stressful. But I have friends who are the complete opposite and this situation would have broken them. I think you have to think about the welfare of both your existing children and the unborn babies as 5 children is alot and it will have big implications for you all - holidays, car, extracurricular activities for 5 children etc..

Why will she regret it forever? What if she has the babies and regrets them?

I know many women who regret having children.

OP, whatever you decide, there will be regret an plenty of other emotions too, for both you and DH. That’s inevitable, given the current situation, but maybe, the way to approach it, is to be entirely practical to begin with and look at living arrangements, costs, impact on your existing children, on jobs and careers and particularly on finances.

Maybe it would help to see a counsellor, who might be able to help you find a way that is the best for your family and that you can find acceptance with.

She clearly wants the babies therefore she will regret aborting them.
She has children already so I doubt she will regret having them.

It sounds like you know what you want to do and I would do the same. Large families aren’t the norm but can be great fun and a big support network for DC when they’re adults. Don’t do something you’ll regret due to your husbands pressure.

But OP, you husband might leave you and your other kids might resent you. Neither of those things are uncommon. Unpleasant as it may be to think of.