Pregnant with 'oops' twins & 3 DC

[RM24]

Hello, I am currently in the very early stages of pregnancy (6+2w) and have had confirmed with a scan that I am in-fact pregnant with twins (DCDA - they have their own sac and placenta). This pregnancy wasn't planned, I already have 3 DC (12, 9 & 3)
DH doesn't want to go ahead with the pregnancy (this was before I had my scan which was at the gynae clinic as a termination was/is planned, something I wasn't 100% on doing and its heartbreaking but knew it was probably best for our family finically wise)

But strangely now knowing there is a possibility of having twins I know in my heart of hearts I want to carry on with this pregnancy (Im not holding my breath as I have had two miscarriages in the past at 7w & 9w so being very optimistic about this and knowing that not all twin pregnancies progress)

I just want to know I am making the right choice, I feel that twins is a blessing and the chances of me falling pregnant were very very slim and I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason and now being told this news its making me question if I was destined to be a mum of 5 all along! (lol what?!) as I have always said with my other pregnancies, "how exciting if it would be twins!" 5 children just comes with lots of adjustments such as bigger car, the bedroom situation is also another big factor and of course affordability. (DH works full time and I'm self employed and run my own small business)

Im not naive, i know twins must be extremely hard work as well as having 3 children but i just believe you learn to adapt, and my eldest would love to be hands on and offer a helping hand every now and again.
I just have to try and get my husband on board but out of any relationship i cherish the most, it is ours and I would be terrified to push this on him and pay for the consequences later down the line with us not having a great relationship.

Please can I ask for anyones advise, I haven't told anyone due to us potentially not going ahead with the pregnancy as its not something I am proud of and it breaks my heart thinking about doing so, so I would rather have advise anonymously

Thankyou for your time!
x

Yes 6 kids in a 2 bed house plus both parents. I currently have three in a 2 bed house plus me and DH makes 5

@RM24 what a tough decision. I have 5 year old twins, the result of years of IVF and I adore them. It’s soooo bloody hard, but I think that goes without saying!
I would have loved more, it didn’t happen and that’s fine.
5 sounds daunting, but you will absolutely manage if that’s what you choose!

What’s dire about wanting adequate space for your children?

How well does your business perform OP? Because if it’s not turning over a decent amount that’s a hell of a lot of financial pressure on your husband.

Hi I'm 41 and just had my 3rd baby pregnancy wasn't planned I have a 21 year old and 12 year old husband has two older children in there 20s too pregnancy was not planned but I believe everything happens fpr. Reason my baby os now 4 weeks old and by God is it hard . Go with your gut xx

I'm not sure that's what I'm doing by being surprised about six kids and two parents across two bedrooms. That's not the Op's situation but somebody another poster mentioned. My situation isn't necessarily the same as OP's either. Some people are very happy to live with fewer rooms and resources/more kids etc etc; others aren't. We're all different.

Ans @FairyBlueEyes 2 chikdren share already. 3rd in small room
where are these little babies who will grow into strapping teens going to sleep

to squeeze 4 into a bedroom?

and saying twins isn’t more wok than one is silly - course is more work. Everything is going to take double the time in feeding and changing - let alone cost of needing two of certain a baby equipment /clothes /car seats /Cots/buggies /highchairs to name a few basic equipment

then the space to store it all in

twins are lovely but to add 2 more children to a family of 5 when mum wasn’t sure of adding one is madness

and as many have said have to think of the other 3 children and their needs

Spot on, thank you

Whilst your husband may not leave you because you are having twins, but be aware another two youngsters, being tired, finances etc, can cause resentment, stress and arguments, which could damage your marriage!

Gosh I'm amazed by the negativity around large families. Impossible to have five children in a three bed house? It's really not. Love expands and it sounds as though you want these babies. Yes you would regret it if you had an abortion, given what you've said, and either way your relationship with your husband would be impacted. But I've known a similar situation bring great joy and a renewal of the whole family. Personally I'd prefer to have the two children than the regret.

Have you read the posts on here from users who were one of 5+ in a 3bed house?

Yes 2 kids share already and it's a 3 bed but the oldest are 12 and 9. If they go to university etc the oldest will be largely out the house when the twins are 5/6.

Twins can share with mum and dad for first couple years as its normal for many. Then they can look at moving to a bigger place or using a downstairs room as a bedroom temporarily until oldest heads off, then twins can share that room. By the time the twins are teenagers (so 13?) the oldest 2 would be 25/26 and 22/23 and old enough to stand on their own 2 feet. They would have 3 kids at home as they do now, twins bigger bedroom, current youngest in smallest room.

In deed, my heart goes out to you and the decision that you need to make. There but for the grace of God go I. It is clear that you love and care for your children and I am flabbergasted by some of the thoughtless, insensitive , judgemental comments by some posters. You simply don't need this OP and as hard as it is, please try and put those comments aside.
Sending you strength and remember that with such a major decision, there will be ifs, buts, maybes and regrets either way.
Take care

As would resentment if OP has a termination. It works both ways

I hope you’re OK, OP. As I’ve said before I think this topic is just one of those ones that tend to bring out extremes of opinion, and this thread proves it. You’ve been targeted both by people who seem to think terminating a pregnancy has little to no emotional fallout at all, and equally by those who would clearly refuse to countenance the wisdom of a termination regardless of how challenging your personal circumstances were. I hope you’ve been able to get something helpful out of the wreckage here, though, especially from those with the benefit of relevant experience.

More likely with twins though. I was just saying. Dont get your NicNacs in a twist luv

I was 39 when I had my 4 yo (I've also got a 15 and 17 yo). She was planned and very much wanted - my husband's only (and definitely last) child.
The only thing I didn't really consider was being peri with a 4 yo. Although we have no regrets, as a 44 yo working mum I'm absolutely shattered. Then everything is slowing down on top!
It would be impossible for me now to accidently fall pregnant, but personally I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy as I'd have to put my existing children and marriage first.

It's not madness to consider a man leaving because he now has to father 5 kids instead of 3. It's a lot more mouths to feed for a lot more years. CMS might just start looking fairly good. Living in a 3 bed with 5 kids and sleeping in the dining room is hardly anyone's idea of a good time. ILOTS of women have been left who were financially vulnerable as is the OP. It's devastating for the kids and the mother. If those twins have SEN the chances of him leaving are even higher. If the OP decides to push forward I think she has to be prepared to do it alone.

Honestly, to my mind this is the stuff nightmares are made of. I have 3 kids in a large 4 bed, the thought of trying to cram 2 babies into our life gives me hives.

Love expands, but money does not. Time does not. Space does not.

I wonder sometimes how my great-great grandparents coped. Both my grandparents came from families of 9, but it was the norm in those days

Some of the happiest families I know have no great wads of spare cash or space. And as other posters have clarified, you can be close/ distant with your siblings irrespective of numbers.
And I have personal experience of living in financially precarious times