AITA? Due date the week my SIL lost her baby boy prematurely in 2020?

[Sae3005]

I was just wondering AITA?

Backstory: I have just had my 12 week dating scan, and it has put my due date as of 29th of June. I am having to have an elective c-section due to the fact I almost lost my son in my last labour. This means my surgery date will be between the 22nd-28th of June. My SIL is pregnant at the same time as me and is dated a week behind me. I informed her that there is a possibility my baby will be born on the date she lost her son at 21 weeks back in 2020 and she told me I had to demand they did not give me that date. I asked the hospital I am birthing at and I was told I don't have a choice over my surgery date and they would not take SIL's concerns into consideration. I informed her of this and now she has told everyone I am choosing that date delibrately.

I had BIL messaging me yesterday and he was being far from kind, infact he was being a bit of an d!ck about it and they have both been writing indirect posts about me and how I am 'a bullshitter'. So I deleted and blocked them.

So AITA for possibly having my baby on the date they lost their baby in 2020? and AITA for refusing to change the date, if I am given that surgery date because I want to put mine and my babies health first?

So, is noone else allowed to have their baby in my family on the day I lost my 4? They're not the only one who's gone through loss, I have too. I do care, more than you would know but I also know I don't want my stomach ripping open and my stomach getting infected again, I want to heal and I don't want to go through a struggle breastfeeding again. I want to bond with my baby. I want the weekend to rest so I can avoid the school and nursery runs. I want time with my family and I want to establish breastfeeding. Did I choose to have the 29th as a due date? Did I fuck. Would I change it if I could? Yes. But I can't change the fact their baby is gone. When do I get to choose myself first? When my recovery goes from 6 weeks to 4 months? When I have physically no where to put my children bae a Friday? What shall I abandon them on the side of the street or go through an emergency surgery on my own where my partner won't meet his child for 24 hours? I'm sorry but what if she has her baby on that date too?

I'm upset because I did not choose this. I didn't even choose to get pregnant. It just happened and I'm upset because they've messaged me saying they're going to physically harm me just because I'm due the 29th. I'm allowed to feel how I feel and my emotions are valid too.

@Sae3005 Would your partner seriously let you do the school run when you're only a few days postpartum?

Nope he wouldn't. But he also wouldn't want to leave me with a newborn, a 1.5y old and a 3 year old. That's why I want the weekend so I can have a few days to recover, a few days for the pain to subside and myself to heal, so when he does the school and nursery run on the Monday, I'll of had a couple days to just rest and I can comfortably look after my newborn, my 1.5 year old and my 3 year old

We did discuss this before, because we thought my due date would've been the 4/5th of July based on my cycle data for the month😅

I'm asking for the Friday before. So I'll be 38 weeks. I was warned by my hospital it probably won't be accepted as they rarely do c-sections before 39 weeks. If I'm told no, they will only do the Friday after then I don't have an option. All I can do is ask and see if they'll do it early.

Sounds like my SIL. She lost her second early miscarriage when I was about 7 months in and had a few hospital stays due to complications. She said "I can't sympathise as you're still pregnant and I'm not". Fast forward to me being in labour and SIL announcing her new pregnancy a few hours before my DD was born. I miscarried my second one 2 yrs later. Still didn't get much sympathy. Must SIL thing, right.

I'm sorry for your losses. I didn't think to mention mine, because I've never felt like they were valid because they weren't as far along. It's hard when Im choosing between their emotions and what's best for myself, my family and my recovery. I don't want my baby overshadowed, they don't want theirs over shadowed. I'm insensitive for wanting a Friday, but then if I don't have a preference, I'm not putting my recovery first. Don't think I can win. I didn't ask for this due date

You still a better plan in case Friday is not an option/ just doesn’t happen. Why can’t your partner take all the kids except the baby on the school/nursery run? He’ll be on paternity leave right?

He could, but my daughter messes about and would make them late (even with him telling her not to) my son doesn't walk yet.

These images are why I want to rest. These are the more PG rated. It got worse than this. I missed out on a lot and had to stop breastfeeding due to the amount of medication I was on trying to heal it.

I think your SIL is unreasonable, these things aren't in your control.

However, your excuses and lack of childcare are absolute nonsense.
You want a few days to recover and your partner won't want to leave you with the toddlers and a newborn - then he takes the other kids with him too. Not difficult.
Your mum needs to drive you and you don't want your partner to miss the birth - you leave the kids with your mum and get a taxi.
You are not the first person to have limited childcare, a partner that doesn't drive or to have 4 children.
You can have your baby on any day, the consultant likely will accommodate avoiding that date if you make it that far too.

In laws sounds like violent arseholes but you're not covering yourself in glory here either, drama over nothing.

I've been told I don't get a choice on my surgery date. I've also been told preferences won't be listened to. I'm sorry but I don't want to get a taxi? I'm about to have a C-section and a tubal ligation last thing I want to do is worry about organizing a taxi, on top of organizing childcare. I don't care if I'm "not the only one" I'm one that has preferences and I definitely have a say on how my care and recovery should look like. These aren't "excuses" they're my reasonings and they are valid. He can take the other kids except my daughter doesn't walk properly and my son doesn't walk at all. These were the more PG photos from my recovery, so yes I'm putting myself first, how I Travel into consideration and how much rest I get out into consideration. I'm allowed a CHOICE over my birth, my travel and my healing, just like everybody else does.

You never should have asked her but what's done is done. She is ridiculous to ask this of you. You would be ridiculous to pander it.

Would you want a taxi ride with a stranger after having major abdominal surgery? No that's what I thought. Especially if I'm discharged when there is no taxis. Ridiculous 😂😂

Tbh, I didn't ask her. I told her my due date without even thinking about it

If you have your section on a Thursday you won't be out of the hospital until Friday anyway, so you'll miss the school run that day (at least the morning) and then have the whole weekend to rest. I'm sure your DH can manage to take the younger kids with him if the alternative is that your stomach rips open and you can't breastfeed.

Yes, but how would my partner be able to come up with my mum and collect me? My mum's unable to heavy lift due to heart problems, so any bags or stuff I have with me - she can't carry and I can't carry because I've had a section. Like I said, it's not a simple scenario.

Nope it hasn't been chosen, because I'm not ALLOWED to choose. I have my consultant appointment on the 1st of May to discuss my tubal ligation and my C-section. This all came about because I told her my C-section date would be 22nd-28th because they do c-sections in your 39 week of pregnancy. I asked my hospital if I have choice over it and I was told no. So my SIL freaked, and started accusing me of being a liar and told me I can pick my surgery date when I can't.

I simply said on this post my preference is a Friday and why.

Also, why should I have to choose the day best for me? Like taking all of those scenarios out. If I've said that day is best for me. Why do I have to change that fact? I shouldn't have to.

I think you are wise to go NC. Your pregnancy does not need the stress and you deserve to enjoy your pregnancy without worrying about who you are offending. Yes losses ate hard but they are behaving ridiculous and yiu deserve a happy pregnancy.

So this drama is over nothing as NOTHING has been decided, you just want to make your SIL (who has had a stillbirth) look like an asshole, good luck with that.

No? I don't. I'm asking if I'm in the wrong for being due the same week. If she looks an asshole, she's done that herself. I don't know I think being violent and threatening to beat up a pregnant woman does make you look like an asshole but apparently you condone it.

Sorry I haven’t read anywhere that she’s threatened to beat you up??

I've also had 4 miscarriages, just because she has had a loss does not mean she can treat people like how she has treated me. Having her partner messaging me telling me he's going to harm me in front of my kids. Calling me a weirdo, calling me the r word.

Shes due the week after me and very much could have her baby the date she lost hers. I don't see her partner threatening her or calling her names.

Read up. Ive stated it multiple times.