AITA? Due date the week my SIL lost her baby boy prematurely in 2020?

[Sae3005]

I was just wondering AITA?

Backstory: I have just had my 12 week dating scan, and it has put my due date as of 29th of June. I am having to have an elective c-section due to the fact I almost lost my son in my last labour. This means my surgery date will be between the 22nd-28th of June. My SIL is pregnant at the same time as me and is dated a week behind me. I informed her that there is a possibility my baby will be born on the date she lost her son at 21 weeks back in 2020 and she told me I had to demand they did not give me that date. I asked the hospital I am birthing at and I was told I don't have a choice over my surgery date and they would not take SIL's concerns into consideration. I informed her of this and now she has told everyone I am choosing that date delibrately.

I had BIL messaging me yesterday and he was being far from kind, infact he was being a bit of an d!ck about it and they have both been writing indirect posts about me and how I am 'a bullshitter'. So I deleted and blocked them.

So AITA for possibly having my baby on the date they lost their baby in 2020? and AITA for refusing to change the date, if I am given that surgery date because I want to put mine and my babies health first?

Nope. Not what I meant at all, so I explained myself. I said my preference was a Friday, and if I was offered that day, I would ask for the week before after a member pointed out, the Friday was infact that date. So let me clear that one up. If that was not do-able, then I would've asked for the Saturday, because again, no school run - which I also did state, but it got hidden in the comments somewhere but then I did, again also clarify.

I did however state if I was given say, the Wednesday and I went in and it was delayed, and I went in again on the Thursday and it was delayed again and I got the Friday, I could not do anything about that. If they delay my surgery, there is nothing I can do and I have to keep going until they get around to me. If it happens to be the Friday, and I refuse, I run the risk of going over 40 weeks and that causes massive problems for my c-section.

Umm. He takes them with him the first week, just like every mum at home whose partner has left for work? They don’t leave the baby and two toddlers at home alone and drop the big one at school, they take them all. So you are just left with the baby. Why is this not obvious??

And I did see rhe comment about he walks and it’s not safe. The school child walks, the 3yo goes in the pram, if it’s a double pram the toddler does too and if it’s not the toddler goes in a baby carrier. I walked my 3yo in the pram and baby in the baby carrier to nursery along a busy road for a year, other mums did the same, one had a twin baby carrier for her twins.

She lost a baby.
You say you've had 3 pregnancy losses and then 4 losses.
I'm infertile. None of my babies were born live.

I still know there's a difference between my pregnancy losses and someone who's baby has a grave.

Also why would you put those emojis? Even if you think it means " feeling awkward/stressed"
You're making her grief about you.

I would have said " I can't imagine how hard that would be for you. Hopefully my baby and yours will come on a different day, either way I'll be thinking of you lots. I imagine this will bring up a lot of feelings, and I'm so sorry for everything you're gone through. "

Exactly this. There is a big difference between the dd whose ashes I have at home, and the two babies I lost in pregnancy.

What a thoughtful response. Thank you.

Just as an aside, it's a gross violation of your sil's privacy to be sharing messages that she sent you on a public forum to try to prove a point.

My CIL lost her kiddo at 21 weeks back in 2020 so I feel you (me and CIL were rlly excited about the kiddo)
But that does not mean SIL and BIL talk sh!t about you like that! You have asked the hospital and they said they can't do it, it's not like you chose the date deliberately, a birthing date is always considered and calculated by doctors and professionals, not people. You can't have deliberately chosen the date on purpose even if you wanted to, say that to her face.