What was post delivery like if your partner couldn't stay overnight in hospital?

[ridl14]

I'm in an area of the Midlands where my husband wouldn't be able to stay overnight post delivery. I've read up on the care in hospitals in my area and the birth centre where I had hoped to try and give birth - FTM so going for a hospital but it's an option to transfer to the birth centre for aftercare (which is rated Good as opposed to the hospitals, Requires Improvement).

I've also read both sides of people for and against partners being able to stay - I still feel so anxious about not having my husband there and the ward potentially being understaffed and not having help to get to the bathroom, with baby's first meconium nappy, being able to pick baby up if I have to have an emergency C section etc. From what I've read, my chosen hospital's care is good during delivery but can be lacking in terms of aftercare.

Would love to hear people's experiences! I'll definitely ask about transferring but don't know if that's even the best option for me and my newborn

I never had my husband stay overnight, first baby was during covid so very strict rules and second baby partners came and went during visiting hours.

I never saw partners stay the night, l thought it wasn't allowed.

As a Muslim woman l would be against this, OP. I would feel vulnerable and uncomfortable with this.

I was walking around the ward not properly dressed, had my curtain open almost all the time.

Unheard of years ago when I had my children. Why do you need him there?

No need for partners overnight, nurses are around when you need them. You need your rest and you won’t rest if your partner is on a chair next to you.
He’s best off at home where he can rest too, need to work as a bit of a tag team at this point.

I had my baby last month. My husband was also not allowed to stay and it was completely fine! I actually enjoyed having time with just my baby.

Men shouldn't be present overnight on a maternity ward anyway. I've had 2 kids in hospital and my dh wasn't allowed to stay overnight and that's as it should be

I had DC1 in the birth centre but ended up on the postnatal ward as I needed surgery afterwards. DH could have stayed on a chair but I sent him home to get some decent sleep. It helped that DC was born in the morning, so he had stayed 12+ hours. I was in discomfort but fine to pick DC up. I didn't have a c-section though. The worst bit was I hadn't showered and waited until DH arrived the next morning.

Is this a recent thing? It was unheard of when I had my babies, and I'd have hated other people's partners being around 24/7.

You'll be fine. We all were.

Nobody was allowed to stay and visiting was 5-7:30. I was only 19 but I was blissful to have my baby and didn’t really think about anyone else tbh.

I’ll be honest, it can be bloody awful that first night on your own if you’ve had a c section. But it is do-able and you and your baby will survive.
(My husband could not stay for either of my births.)

However, on reflection I was pleased there were no partners on the ward at night as it was horrible when they were there in the day.

I had one who would not stop staring at me trying to breast feed, another constantly berating his worryingly young and vulnerable wife (I still think about her), and another who would not shut up for stop eating.

So, I think all you can do is think positive, hope for the best, and really really hope
you will get out quickly. sadly the aftermath of giving birth in a UK hospital is pretty grim.

Good luck!

Hubby didn't stay both times
First baby was in Covid. It was absolutely fine, baby mainly is sleeping and feeding, and nurses are on hand to help. Make friends with one or two other mums in nearby beds and they can help to watch baby while you nip to the loo. Do your post delivery shower if possible when hubby is visiting so you don't need to be away from baby for too long.

Honestly I loved it. It was like being in the Hilton. Hot delicious meals, I had lots of snacks and a great series to watch in between caring for little one. You don't get that time ever again so make most of it!

With my second DH had to leave to get more supplies because baby was mucusy post delivery and got through 4 outfits in one day so we had nothing for the next 2 nights, and whilst he could drop stuff at reception they wouldn’t readmit him cos covid nonsense. I went private so had a really nice room but because of covid again I was left to it except for obs and meal deliveries. They probably would have helped more if I’d have pushed but honestly it was fine and I could manage everything by myself the first night even after a c-section. Insist on good pain relief and take it on a schedule to keep ahead of the pain. Then moving around shouldn’t be an issue. I found it pretty lonely and it was like a really swish prison because I couldn’t leave the room and staff didn’t interact beyond the bare minimum! But that probably doesn’t apply now, or on a ward.

One advantage of not having your dh there is they can get some proper sleep (you probably won’t sadly) and therefor be in a bette state to look after you both when you get home

nor sure about transferring though that sounds pretty rough, is it to a different site? I think if possible I’d just want to stay put until discharge

at my hospital it’s two floors of the same building though so ok

DP stayed overnight with the first but didn't for my second . I just didn't need him there and tbh I didn't need him for labour either.

If you're really worried is a private room and option? He might be able to stay then (my dp stayed in a private room with me rather than one the ward).

Actually it was really tough and I desperately wanted his support, not to scare you but just to counter some of the "you don't need him/the nurses will help" narratives above.
A lot depends on where you are, the nurses were awful in my ward and didn't help until I cried. I've also heard of other women helping each other but that didn't happen where I was either.
My advice would be go home asap.

When DH left to go home, I couldn't really reach DS to look after him as I'd had a spinal after he was born. It didn't feel like there was a huge amount of help available, and the ward was hotter than the surface of the sun. I had to stay in for days as well, it was pretty bad.

Sorry, like @Lincoln24, also not trying to scare you, but wanted to share my experience.

My husband was allowed to stay because the ward wasnt super busy and I had a room to myself. He didn't get a bed though so we had a couple of awkward nights both in a single bed!

You may be allowed a female support person with you overnight, one of my friends had her mum stay with her.

Husband also didn’t stay and I’m really against husbands being on the ward overnight- so unfair on everyone else.

My tip would be not to be scared to ask for help- there are staff available and they will help you but also they are busy so you have to ask. Not a time for holding back out of politeness (obviously you will be polite, but don’t stay quiet when you need help).

Both times I had my own room which I think would make a huge difference to anyone’s comfort. First time, 2 nights was fine but they ended up letting my mum stay the third night as I was too tired. Second time, baby was born late evening, dad left at midnight, baby slept and home at 10am.

It was OK. It was too hot and caring for ds was difficult and I didn't get loads of sleep, but a bit. I can't see that having dh there would have helped at all tbh but I didn't necessarily know that until afterwards. I'm certainly glad there weren't other partners there, especially as I now know one of the guys who would have been there and he's a twat.

Tbh I was so happy not being pregnant any more, that is my main memory, along with being useless at breastfeeding.

If I'd stayed longer I might have got some help with feeding earlier because I would have perhaps realised just how badly we were failing at it. But I doubt that I would have been allowed to stay long enough for that.

First was during COVID lockdowns so not partners except active labour and the first hour after delivery. Stayed in a week (long delivery, partial lung collapse).

It was fine in terms of care. Used my buzzer lots. The ward staff cleaned up the meconium because baby couldn't wait until they had a nappy on. Fantastic opportunity to enjoy getting to know baby by myself and having all those snoozy cuddles when we were on the ward. Midwives helped change baby or pass me baby if I needed them to and supported with breast feeding. The absence of DH was huge when baby was whisked away to NICU by the paediatrician and I was left alone though, the MWs gave me a lot of emotional support!

Second was born quickly and very straightforward birth so straight home in 4/5 hours directly from the delivery suite. Zero time spent on a ward.

It was much better having no men wandering about. I remember having a little sleep and then waking up after about 3 hours and looking at my tiny baby and thinking "you are 4 hours old" how amazing.
I didnt love hospital (who does) but it was fine. It would have been worse with men walking about making noise and being annoying.

My DDs are now early 20s but we were never allowed partners outside of visiting hours. Was always a relief when visiting ended because so many men were noisy, or stared, or otherwise a nuisance. I just wanted some peace and quiet to rest and bond with my baby. Lack of privacy is probably worse nowadays with people constantly taking photos on their phones.

Personally I think partners should only be allowed to stay overnight if you're in a private room.

A slight side point but if you stay low risk have you thought about staying the birth centre for everything? I know you say FTM, but if it's attached to the hospital you'd be transferred very quickly if more interventions were needed. Just something to maybe chat about with your midwife.

As to partners staying, I think it will primarily come down to what support you need after the birth and the length of your stay. We were in for a week and I'd had an emergency C-section. I could have really done with physical support when I couldn't properly move to get to DD (as others have said the response can be lacking - I could wait 5-10 mins for someone to help me pick her up crying when I couldn't physically reach her form the spinal block), and a bit of emotional support as the stay just got longer and longer. But that's an unusually long stay. And again, not to scare you as it became apparent much earlier in the pregnancy that things were heading that way.

No men other than medical staff should be wandering around a maternity ward at night!!

You will not need him. He‘s more use to you after if he’s been able to get some sleep at home.

I’ve had 5 babies and never had my DH at the hospital over night.