What was post delivery like if your partner couldn't stay overnight in hospital?

[ridl14]

I'm in an area of the Midlands where my husband wouldn't be able to stay overnight post delivery. I've read up on the care in hospitals in my area and the birth centre where I had hoped to try and give birth - FTM so going for a hospital but it's an option to transfer to the birth centre for aftercare (which is rated Good as opposed to the hospitals, Requires Improvement).

I've also read both sides of people for and against partners being able to stay - I still feel so anxious about not having my husband there and the ward potentially being understaffed and not having help to get to the bathroom, with baby's first meconium nappy, being able to pick baby up if I have to have an emergency C section etc. From what I've read, my chosen hospital's care is good during delivery but can be lacking in terms of aftercare.

Would love to hear people's experiences! I'll definitely ask about transferring but don't know if that's even the best option for me and my newborn

But your beloved DH will just be a random man to the other mothers, when they are feeling at their most exposed and vulnerable. Just as their partners would be unwanted random men to you if they were allowed to stay.
Don’t know if it’s still a thing but I had a domino birth with my second child, got out of hospital 6hrs after the birth, no caesarean just a straightforward birth. I was only in hospital for approx 12 hrs in total then home to my own bed, but without the upheaval of a home birth and obviously being in hospital for the delivery if anything didn’t go to plan.

I gave birth last year and dads had to leave after 8pm. I would've hated for men to stay all night chatting to their wife/girlfriend.

@ridl14 I have the exact same option after birth. Stay at hospital on a ward with no partners apart from visiting hours or transfer to the birth centre where you have your own room and partners are can stay.

My plan is going to be to transfer unless medically I'd be better off at the hospital. Then my DH has the option to stay if we want and if he goes home then it will be nicer being in my own room.

I read the title as you wanting your partner to be able to post something to you and you wondering whether you'd get it

Honestly I could have done with DH there. The single wards were for private patients only. I had a crash section under general anaesthetic and was left shortly after to care for a severely jaundiced baby (who also later turned out had sepsis). I was completely out of it on morphine. I was told I wasn't allowed out of bed for 24 hours but was still somehow expected to do all the care. The same midwife who told me not to get out of bed yelled at me and told me there would be no one to do everything for me at home less than two hours later 😭 and DS was disturbing the other babies. It was barbaric. Not blaming them it was extremely busy but the lack of care was horrific.

DH couldn't be there due to Covid and I stayed in for 24 hrs. I thought I'd miss him but I really didn't!!! I had a long exhausting labour and the baby and I mostly slept. It was really nice having meals delivered to the bed, I felt well looked after. I think I was fortunate though that my baby slept a lot that day, took to breastfeeding immediately and didn't have any meconium or poos in that time.

The poor lady next to me probably felt very differently as she couldn't lift her baby after a cesarean, struggled to breastfeed and struggled to stop the baby crying. The nurses did help though.

This sounds awful, really awful, but it’s not an argument to have men in antenatal wards 24 hours, it’s an argument for better care in hospitals.

No partners were allowed overnight when I had my babies. However I was one of a minority whose partners weren't around in the day either. I found the main issue with partners being there was for example at mealtimes it was first come first served so the nicest food went to the mum's whose partners were there because the partners would get to the front of the queue before those of us without partners could shuffle to the kitchen. Also things like sterilizing bottles etc could be done by your partner.

Husbands staying over has never been the case until 20 years ago or so and even then it's hardly everyone. You'll be absolutely fine

No overnight husbands when I had my baby. But I had him at 6am and was home in time for dinner.

Both my kids were born via c-section.
First one was an emergency, second was scheduled.
Husband wasn't allowed to stay either time.
It's was really tough and both times, I ended up sleeping in the chair as it was too difficult/painful to keep getting up/out of bed for the baby.
Not a great experience but I managed (as it feels mums have to just get on with it 🤷🏻‍♀️)

My first was an EMCS, DH allowed in all day but not overnight. Second a slightly complicated ELCS during covid, we were lucky he was allowed in an hour a day. Both were fine.

In answer to your actual question (people get very fixated on husbands / partners being there or not being there 🙄). Not great, l had had a c section early afternoon and it was twins so by night time l wasn’t that mobile thanks to pain, catheter and swelling. Staff weren’t very response and if was busy. I left 26 hours after the birth as the care wasn’t really there plus l was sick of the heat, light and noise

I had my first by a planned section during Covid and was really upset beforehand my husband wouldn’t be allowed to stay. But at the time, I was glad he and other men weren’t allowed overnight.

You’re so vulnerable when you have a baby and the last thing you want is strange men staying around at night time. As I found out when I had my second, they’re a nuisance as they snore, talk loudly, come and go making lots of noise, and just feel too close for comfort when you’re sitting half naked with your boobs out and there’s a man just a meter away behind a curtain.

The first night after a section the midwives do support you more, but after that there does seem to be an expectation to be more independent after the first day. And that’s ok - post natal wards aren’t fun so it means you go home sooner. And as others said, those first few days where it was just the two of us overnight was actually very precious.

It is terrifying when you have your first, but you will be ok, and you will be looked after.

And allowing partners just means there’s less for midwives to do as it enforces the expectation that your partner takes care of you rather than the midwife. That is what we need to challenge and address - better care, not increased offloading of duties.

I think it’s quite standard for husband not to stay overnight, unless you’re still in labour obviously. Or in exceptional circumstances. I didn’t have my baby with me so I just tried to sleep until morning.

Three kids, all fine. It was nice as I’ve heard the men snore all night and take up lots of space. I have nothing to compare it to obvs.

Oh and take up the bathrooms. They take up the bathrooms which is not what is needed post birth!

I had a c section it was my first and the nightshift nurses were vile.

deniedme pain meds by stalling until the drs were off after 10 and basically told me everyone else was fine with ibuprofen and paracetamol and what was my problem

I was also chastised for pushing the call button next to my bed and not walking to the midwife reception desk. She then moved it out of reach 😵‍💫

I will remember it as long as I live

second baby was better as I had my DH with me but worse because so did the women opposite and when glue wasn’t snoring he was complaining or shouting aggressively at the nurses (think kicking off loudly at 3 am)

Men were allowed to stay when I had mine and it was a positive experience but I can also understand the arguments against men staying too.

The first night was quite tough as I'd had a c section. I pressed my buzzer for the midwives to help when I needed it. Some of them were brilliant, some unfortunately unhelpful/unfriendly, but I brazen it out and pressed the buzzer again until I got someone who would help me. There's not much choice when your newborn needs something and you're not capable of doing it yourself.

The nights after weren't so bad, but I was able to breastfeed and more mobile by then. The lady next to me was pumping and having not a good time, I really felt for her.

It's not brilliant, but you will get through it.

You will manage just as other women manage and at least you won't have to worry about random men lurking around when you are trying to breastfeed or manoevre and generally feeling vulnerable.

I agree with PP - men do not belong on the maternity ward overnight.

I gave birth to my first child on my own because my husband was away for work at the time. It was a difficulty birth and I couldn't walk for a day afterwards. Him not being there was fine. Second time he was there but left soon after the baby was born. That was fine too. I can't see any point in a husband staying overnight in hospital.

You don't need him there, you'll be fine. Just ask him to stick a tenner on your telly before he leaves.

My daughter had a home birth in June then we all watched the football, then left to let her , husband and baby settle ( she did say this baby better be here before the football starts)