What was post delivery like if your partner couldn't stay overnight in hospital?

[ridl14]

I'm in an area of the Midlands where my husband wouldn't be able to stay overnight post delivery. I've read up on the care in hospitals in my area and the birth centre where I had hoped to try and give birth - FTM so going for a hospital but it's an option to transfer to the birth centre for aftercare (which is rated Good as opposed to the hospitals, Requires Improvement).

I've also read both sides of people for and against partners being able to stay - I still feel so anxious about not having my husband there and the ward potentially being understaffed and not having help to get to the bathroom, with baby's first meconium nappy, being able to pick baby up if I have to have an emergency C section etc. From what I've read, my chosen hospital's care is good during delivery but can be lacking in terms of aftercare.

Would love to hear people's experiences! I'll definitely ask about transferring but don't know if that's even the best option for me and my newborn

Thank you! I didn't know we had a choice until reading some of these comments tbh but it's a great suggestion! Sounds like it depends on availability but I'll definitely look into it

I couldn't have coped without my partner there and would never, ever give birth somewhere where he would be sent home.

I was in for days and there was no aftercare to speak of and the midwives/nurses were vile. Experiences vary widely OP so you may be lucky, but having a partner there helps if you are unlucky.

That sounds awful, I'm so sorry! Definitely don't apologise, I did want honest answers. I hope the rest of your recovery was better

First time I paid £200 for a private room
(1 night as it was needed the next night).

Second time I was in after a crash section and baby was in the NICU. the 3 private rooms were all in use. I can only imagine they were for some really traumatic births.
Its also possible I wouldn’t have been given a private room as I needed lots of obs and they put me right by the midwives bay so they could walk past me every 10 mins and check I was okay. You get way less checks in a private room I noticed

Thank you, it's a good suggestion. Unfortunately my mum died last year and my close friends are all still in London - my lovely MIL would be an option but I think in that state of vulnerability I'd prefer my DH if I couldn't have my own mum or a close friend

That's a good tip for sure just needing to speak up more! We had a friend (also a nurse) give birth last year in the same city, apparently the care was really lacking though they said the staff hated her and her DH by the end as they'd kept chasing them for eg the blood transfusion that hadn't happened

Fucking dying laughing at the person who compared it to the hilton and pps asking why you need him - you've made your very reasonable concerns abundantly clear.

I had my baby a year ago via c section and the overnight care was abominable- think 18 year old cleaners checking on me during the night and me, unmedicated, shuffling holding my newborn to the milk fridge at 3am only to be berated by nurses for not asking for help (I'd waited for an hour and nobody came despite ringing the bell repeatedly!)

My hospital did allow partners to stay but I sent mine home to get some kip so he'd be helpful to me. I was on a c section bay so.mums couldn't help one another and we all had our curtains closed. Honestly it was just a fucking nightmare but not because of partners staying overnight, but because they seemed to factor partners into their care ratios. It may be rough, but you'll get through it!

If your birth goes well, and your observations and baby's observations are fine you are well within your right to self discharge and go home. I did it with both my 2nd and 3rd baby and I'm glad I did, I don't see the point in staying on the ward if you're healthy and would rather be at home x

Thank you - I really have! I'm almost in two minds about it still tbh especially as the last midwife I spoke to was so positive about it and gave birth there herself. We'll arrange to look round it after 36 weeks anyway. It's just that it's half an hour away from the hospital which does seem risky in case something went wrong, I'll ask about what this could look like as well.

That is absolutely awful, I'm so sorry - I can't believe they sent her partner home! And your own experience as well. I think that's what I'm getting from these responses, it will likely be fine but if I was particularly vulnerable I can't guarantee support from staff.

Just be mindful of you have a c they won’t let you go into a private room as you have just had major surgery and they need to keep you for observation. I had a c at 1 in the afternoon and wasn’t allowed to go to the room until the next morning. Good luck.

Fine, slept a bit and had nurses on call if needed. I think partners were allowed on our ward but I told mine to go home and sleep. I think it’s very odd when they start and it shouldn’t be allowed unless baby or Mum is very poorly

@ChillysWaterBottle I don’t understand this because I managed fine without a partner. Did you have a c sec?

You might not need to stay over @ridl14, just have a morning baby and you could be home by tea time!

Horrific. I couldn't move but had a newborn to care for on a sweaty hot ward full of noise.

DH wasn't allowed to stay after DD1 because of COVID, and then didn't after DD2 because we decided we'd prioritise him being home for DD1 as much as possible. I ended up with a section both times as well.

DD1, it was fine, staff were great and very kind and helpful. DD2, different hospital, was harder, the staff felt very busy (which I'm sure they were) and weren't always around - it may also have been that they didn't see me as needing as much support as a second time mum? But I managed, and we were home in a couple of days.

So it's a bit luck of the draw I think.

I was in a private room fairly soon after a section with DD2 as I had (asymptomatic) COVID at the time! So I think there must be some flexibility on this.

Yes, my experience alone on the antenatal ward with my critically ill baby three corridors away was so perfect and stress free. It was 10 years ago, in a hospital with buckets in the maternity ward to catch the drops where the roof was leaking.
In fact the only thing I wished for when I dragged myself out of bed for the fourth time in the night to deliver pumped milk to neonatal, sterilise my kit and try to get 30 minutes sleep before doing it all over again, was to be sharing my bay not just with three other new mums and their babies, but also three unknown men snoring away.

we need to stop fighting about this, we don’t need 24 hour visiting to make up for crap care in hospitals, we need better care in hospitals.

I would love that! Will do my best 😂

It’s a good point as covid screwed with all the nrormal processes. Who knows if they went back or stayed flexible. I would suggest they wanted you off the ward if you had covid - and sorry you had covid while giving birth!

I was too. I had twins and needed more room.

You mention the Midlands, if you're referring to the Leicester Royal Infirmary and then Melton Birth Centre for aftercare then the LRI was crap when I had my son last month. They were great up to and including delivery (ELCS) but the postnatal care was poor, they were very stretched and it felt like a conveyor belt. I transferred to Melton Birth Centre after 24 hours and they were fantastic, so kind and supportive and a completely different (& much better) experience than the LRI

It's ten years since I had my baby but my DH didn't stay overnight. I had a C-section. It was fine. I couldn't lift my DD is when she woke I had to call the nurses to help me. Didn't get much sleep but managed and went home the next day

Thank you so much! I'd be at the General but still heard mixed things - I've only heard amazing things about Melton!

Remember a lot of the women complaining will know their own husbands wouldn't stay with them regardless of the set up. That's why they feel resentful about other people having theirs there and genuinely being an asset.