What was post delivery like if your partner couldn't stay overnight in hospital?

[ridl14]

I'm in an area of the Midlands where my husband wouldn't be able to stay overnight post delivery. I've read up on the care in hospitals in my area and the birth centre where I had hoped to try and give birth - FTM so going for a hospital but it's an option to transfer to the birth centre for aftercare (which is rated Good as opposed to the hospitals, Requires Improvement).

I've also read both sides of people for and against partners being able to stay - I still feel so anxious about not having my husband there and the ward potentially being understaffed and not having help to get to the bathroom, with baby's first meconium nappy, being able to pick baby up if I have to have an emergency C section etc. From what I've read, my chosen hospital's care is good during delivery but can be lacking in terms of aftercare.

Would love to hear people's experiences! I'll definitely ask about transferring but don't know if that's even the best option for me and my newborn

Mine are in their 20s and it was unheard of for partners to stay overnight. I'd not have wanted other men on the ward while I was in a vulnerable position anyway. I'm sure you'll manage just fine. They generally sleep loads in the first 24 hours post birth anyway.

Husbands haven't been allowed to stay after all 3 of mine, it's fine. In fact, it would have felt very weird to have had him there, as it is such a female oriented ward, as it should be.

I had EMCS in the middle of night and DH was at work so I went through everything by myself and spent most of the days afterwards without him too as he had to sleep between his night shifts. But I am very self sufficient and used to take care of myself and deal with things so it wasn't something scary. The team in my hospital was great and always on hand to help and I didn't need anybody's help to go to the loo or to move around. The only challenge I really had was that the food was horrible and some other mums were noisy at nighttime.

I couldn't think of anything worse than having a load of random men overnight on a maternity ward.

It was bad enough trying to sleep as it was, without listening to the snoring and farting of extra men!

I had a c-section, complete with spinal block and whilst it wasn't the Ritz, I definitely didn't need my partner there.

I hated it when all the visitors rocked up during the day... I was trying to breastfeed... I was bleeding... the men kept using the shared toilets... In my opinion, every woman should have the right to a women only maternity ward. If you really can't cope without help, just pay and get a private room.

I'm a c section mum, first one emergency, second one elective and I'll be having my third baby via elective next month. The first time I stayed 3 nights because I had a rough birth and really wasn't well and the second time it was just one night and should be just one night next month providing we are both ok.

If I'm being honest, I hated the post natal ward both times, but it wasn't because my husband wasn't allowed to stay. It's noisy, it's hot, you are unable to sleep because you are being checked every few hours, babies are crying, other women are snoring etc. However, i personally think it would have been much worse if partners were allowed to stay. The wards aren't big enough as it is, it's noisy with just women and babies, if you added partners in that's extra people making noise. You also have to leave the curtain open the majority of the time and believe me, people stare into your bay when they walk past, regardless of whether it's intentional or not. Visiting hours are long enough as it is, from memory birthing partners can stay until around 8-9pm and then come back in the morning so you may be glad for the peace and quiet.

my dh wasn’t allowed stay at all because of Covid. He wasn’t even allowed in during the day. Agree with first poster I wouldn’t be comfortable with men around at night either.
it was absolutely fine not having my dh there. Anytime I needed anything I rang the bell. The ward was very busy but the midwives always found time to help me.

This is my experience as well.

The staff were great, but not enough of them. A woman in the bed next to me had clearly reacted badly to the drugs or something, and kept vomiting. However she was also very faint and dizzy, and had had a c section. So she couldn't move well, so repeatedly threw up down herself, and couldn't pick up her baby. The staff also advised her partner not to leave her while she was feeding the baby in case she dropped him. Then they sent the partner home. This poor woman ended up covered in her own sick, with a crying baby she couldn't get to (and wasn't supposed to hold while on her own anyway), and staff who didn't respond to the button for ages. It was nothing short of cruel.

I get all the arguments for men not being allowed to stay, and ideally the staff would never have had to put that woman in that situation. But the staffing levels didn't allow that, and so some women are left in horrible situations.

With my first I had a PPH, and couldn't stand without my vision going or my legs buckling. DH was sent home, and I couldn't get to the loo. Nor could I walk to the breakfast room without collapsing (open pre-visiting hours), and when I asked if someone could bring me breakfast they acted like I was some high maintenance diva wanting grapes peeled and fed to me.

You'll probably be fine, but my experience is that if you need additional support, it isn't there overnight.

Depends on your hospital. Honestly I don't mean to scare you, but my aftercare experience was very poor. Left sat in bloody sheets, the nurses basically left me to it. When i rang for help changing the baby and her sheets as she had vomited all over herself and i could barely stand ( after just coming out of a long and arduous labour), they didn't come for ages, then there was a lot of huffing and eye rolling like I was a big inconvenience. Anecdotally lots of my friends who have had babies in the last ten years have experienced similar and worse.

In the middle of the night I heard a nurse loudly berating the woman next to me for wanting help with her baby after she was wheeled in just an hour previously from a c-section. She was basically implying she was being lazy and to get on with it or she'd never recover! The poor woman literally just had abdominal surgery and was being told an hour later to get up and walk around and that it wasn't up to anyone else to help her, she had to help herself.

Nobody brought me any food or drink, I was shuffling around the ward with my baby in a wheeled crib, trying to locate a glass of water and being told off for that like I was an idiot. Apparently we were supposed to bring our own bottled water?! All I wanted was for someone to bring me a cup of tea and a kind word at that point.

I got told off for taking my baby to the loo with me (in her crib), but there was nobody to watch her while I went and I had no idea what I was supposed to do? Im not even going to get knto the 'breastfeeding support' what a joke.The whole thing was a bloody nightmare and ruined my birth experience. For baby no.2 I refused to be admitted and went straight home.

I hope none of this happens to you, but my advice would be make sure you have a thick skin and prepare to be assertive as you will have to advocate for yourself and your baby at your most vulnerable.

I don't necessarily think men should be on wards but if the NHS isn't fit to take care of women post birth then we need to acknowledge that and work on a solution that doesn't leave mothers and babies stranded when they most need caring support! Will get off my soapbox now!

I didn't have my DH stay after I had DD and it was fine. There were Maternity support workers there to help when she needed a feed, or if I needed anything.

We found it helpful for DH to go home and get a nights sleep (and check on the cats!) so he felt rested for us coming home the next day.

If you are lucky you see a nurse during your stay.
I am so happy I tried this setup with baby 3 not baby 1. It was fend for yourself. I had an emergency cesarean late night after 48 hours in labour. No rest. No help from staff.

1st baby (pre-covid) he slept on the floor, 2nd baby he didn't stay.
It was honestly fine, in fact the ward felt so much calmer and quieter the 2nd time around without all the riff-raff on there. It's a really lovely time, the 1st night just you and your baby!
On another note, I'll ever forget the 1st time needing the toilet and bleeding everywhere after a massive haemorrhage and not being able to use it because a man was in there 😡

It's not fair on the other women in the shared ward. I wouldn't have wanted to see other people's husbands in the middle of the night when I was bleeding and leaking and not wearing much.

The midwives will look after you.

A post delivery ward is no place for men at all. I would have hated it the night after DD1 was born! It's not a great night, to be honest, but not in a way that having your DH there would help with anyway. It's 99% the disturbed environment of being in a room with five other women and their babies. If you need help with anything, it's easy enough to call a nurse or midwife.

If you are lucky enough to give birth nice and early in the day, they might let you go home that day, and that might be the best outcome. I was able to go home with DD2 and it was waaaaaay better. I had a post-natal doula who knew she might be getting a call from me, and having her about the place (and DH, of course) was much much easier than staying overnight with DD1. Nothing like the peace and quiet of your own bed.

I gave birth in 2023 and my husband wasn't allowed to stay past 8pm on the ward (no visitors were). I wasn't really bothered although he really didn't want to leave us and go home to an empty house. It was lovely and quiet.

I had a vaginal birth with some stitches (2nd degree tear) but it was fine to move around and I didn't need any pain relief (didn't realise it was an option until the next day when someone asked what pain relief I'd been given 😂)

One of the midwives offered to come and sit with me to give me 1-2-1 breast feeding support and she stayed at my bed with me for about an hour. I don't think we'd have had this if my husband had been there and I really found it invaluable.

Since 2023 my hospital have opened 2 or 3 "private" rooms where you can stay with your partner for £150 per night if you don't need to be monitored regularly. If we need to stay overnight again we'll probably do that if it's available just for DH.

C-section, husbands don’t stay overnight where I am unless mum or baby are very very ill. Midwife set us up for cosleeping so baby was in with me feeding/cuddling all night. I changed nappies where we were or on my lap, I didn’t need help I was able to grab/keep wipes and nappies near me but midwives would help if a mum needed anything.

I fully support dads staying but in answer to your question.
I had twins during covid. DH wasn’t allowed to visit me in antenatal and could only come into theatre when I had been prepped (spinal etc done). He had to leave when I went from recovery to the ward. Frankly it was a bloody nightmare. I couldn’t sit up to pick baby up and the midwives were massively overstretched. I had one twin in nicu and was expected to push twin 1 (alone) and walk to nicu to feed twin 2, within 12 hours of having a section. I was utterly traumatised by the experience.

However, I imagine hospitals where this is the norm will be better set up to support new mums. If you have a straightforward vaginal birth you should be able to leave within 12 hours and physically won’t have the issues I did.

I also had twins during Covid - their dad was allowed 1 hour on the ward and that was it and wasn't allowed back until I was discharged

I understand your anxiety but I don't agree with fathers staying over night

I didn’t have c-sections but my DC was in neonatal and I had a horrendous time in hospital, on an antenatal ward full of babies but not with mine who was three corridors away. I had to pump and deliver the milk to the door of neonatal every 3 hours, but I wasn’t allowed in to see my baby.
so I wasn’t just walking between my bed and the bathroom in my nightie, I was having to leave the ward and walk actually quite a long way across the hospital multiple times a night.

visiting hours need to be restricted so that the only people in the hospital outside of those times are patients and staff. Random men should not be walking round the antenatal wards at night, it’s not fair on the women on the ward who are in such a vulnerable position.

We went into hospital 1am on the Monday and didn't leave until 3pm Tuesday and my partner was able to stay the whole time. During labour my midwife said of course your partner is able to stay for 24ours but no one said anything and I'm in the midlands. Maybe different else where but we was ok
It was only me and another family on our ward so it wasn't bad at all, we was all respectful but on the Tuesday morning/day there were couples coming In and out waiting for a c section etc which wasn't the best to be honest

Why do you need your husband there? No men should be sleeping on a maternity ward.

I had c sections during covid, so was alone after the delivery both times. It was fine. You can still pick up your baby - why wouldn't you be able to?? The midwives will pass you nappies etc. if you can't get them yourself.

Try to see it as your brutal introduction into the world of parenthood where everything is your responsibility and no matter how hard it is you'll be expected to just get on with it.
Harsh as it sounds, that's motherhood. And it's magical 😉

The huge advantage of DH not staying was that he was able to go home and get a good night's sleep (DC was born around 11pm). Then when I was discharged the next day I could hand the baby to him and go to bed, rather than both of us being completely knackered (no one sleeps well in a hospital).

Also all you have to do is the press the button and a midwife is straight there to help. We called them a few times during the night because we were first time parents and needed support with a few things etc. personally i couldn't of done the hospital stay without my partner there, I was too scared to sleep so we took turns

Hubby didn’t stay either time but when I went to ward after emergency c it was like an hour to visiting hours so they just let him stay.

You can pick up you baby easily after a c. You don’t need your core muscles to lift 6-8 pounds with your arms. Your baby is out into a plastic bucket (yeah not the technical term 😂) on wheels which is about waist height so it’s fine.

The meconium doesn’t happen immediately so it’s fine and there are nurses who have done it a thousand times there to help you.

My advise is that is you are going to breastfeed request a nurse to support you in the first instance to help. Your hubby can’t help there either!

I get you are worried and it’s a lot but you will be fine. Good luck.