A little update…wish it was better news

[Babybelle81]

Hi all

Thought I would update you all.

it’s been a week nearly since I posted about my pregnancy and being 43 with my partner who is older.
I wish this update was a happier post, but it isn’t. He is very unhappy with this situation, and has not spoken about it apart from to say he made it clear that he didn’t want any more children and that’s that.
I do not have any family here, nowhere to go, and am working full time. I love him very very much, he really is my world. We have been together for 5 years, known each other for six. I love him beyond words. I thought this would have settled in his mind a bit now and he maybe would have come round somewhat, but I literally have no one to talk to, and he will not discuss it. I do not want to be on my own without him. He is my whole world. I am dealing with all these symptoms, trying to hide them from everyone, and have no idea what to do.

Anyway, I hope you are all well. I know my last thread started off some arguments, but please know that I post in good faith, and I really would appreciate any advice or support at this what should be the happiest time in my life, is now the loneliest time.

Thank you x

Feeling nauseous is definitely not pleasant! Sorry things are still off between you and your DP, I hope things start to improve soon. If not, it sounds like that might be the death knell for the relationship whatever happens with the pregnancy, as he wasn't there to support you through something so massive. You shouldn't be feeling alone at this time, and I'm so sorry that you are. Sending you a virtual hand hold

I’m so relieved to read your update.
Feeling nauseous isn’t great but it will pass.

I think you need a real-life friend to talk to; are you sure there’s no one you can trust?
Anyone in your workplace? Anyone at all?
Do keep talking on here.

You should be taking folic acid. Please get some.

I hope the scan goes well, I hope you get counselling to help you make up your mind.
I hope your partner grows up and stops sulking.

You're not going to want to hear this, but ... Women do live longer than men.

In 18 years time, when your child is grown up, it's quite possible he will be no longer with us, bearing in mind his age now.

And a few years after that - there may be grandchildren.

Look to the future, OP. This is your family.

So sorry you’re feeling lonely, but given the number of PP’s here that have been supportive and have been checking in to see if you’re ok, know that you’re not alone.

The only thing that eased my nausea was snacking. Eat little and often is best.

Good luck with the scan 💐

@Babybelle81 Lots of us are here for you, including many lone mothers. It’s a tough old situation. But you’re much stronger than you probably think.

And women are stronger than men.

Finding yourself unexpectedly pregnant is a time, for many women, that you discover your partner isn't what you thought or hoped he'd be.

Almost 40 years ago, when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, HIS mother 'warned' me that the woman always ends up holding the baby (both literally and metaphorically).

She was right and I don't think things have changed too much in the intervening decades.

Men are disposable - children aren't, so they're the much better bet!

Sending you a virtual hug too OP. I’m very sorry you are in this situation. This might help: I had both of my children in my mid forties. Their dad is definitely “older” too. Both are healthy and I have never felt too old to be parenting youngsters. Sending you strength.

Have you seen the post about my husband wants me to abort? It's from 2018 and op came back today to update on the news of her baby.

Her husband now said he just panicked.

Something to think about.

It's in CHAT if you're interested

😂😂😂

I was the 3rd youngest in my NCT class and I was very late 30’s
It was full of women who were op’s age and older who all had successful pregnancies

If anything it was the youngest ((27) who struggled with miscarriages

What utter nonsense🙄

This.

All the posts about disability are insane. As if ANYONE would terminate a wanted baby on the basis it has a slightly higher risk of disability, with no evidence that it actually has a disability. Totally irrelevant.

The risk of miscarriage does increase with age.

I agree with this so hard.

I'm so sorry OP, this sounds heartbreaking.

I think the relationship may already be doomed due to how he's treating this situation, so I advise you not to make decisions around whether to terminate or not based on that.

It sounds like you do not want to terminate. If this is the case, don't terminate. First of all it may be a miscarriage anyway. But more importantly, the regret and pain you feel as a result if you terminate and regret it is just not worth this lifetime of pain.

You can raise a child on your own. You didn't, solo, impregnate yourself.

If he decided to have sex and there was no prior discussion of what would happen in the event of pregnancy and only now it's happened is he expressing an opinion, then he's just kidding himself, entirely at your expense, that this is somehow your fault. He is not unaware of biology.

Keep the baby.

Yup. And if he knew that he was this sure he didn't want any more kids, then he should have got the snip! Makes me SO MAD that he's taking this out on OP when it's his fault for not taking responsibility for himself. Yes, OP had some reproductive issues, but 43 is in no way too old to get pregnant and she was still having periods. Stupid man. And for him to ignore her needs when she is vulnerable and feeling sick, is just......this man does NOT deserve her or a lovely new baby! A partner and child are gifts. Grr....

Take your pre-natal vitamins; eat small healthy meals; anti-nausea ginger chews or ginger root steeped in boiling water and sip; stay hydrated; rest; light exercise if you don't already; be kind to yourself. 🩷

I'm not expert but I think nausea is a good sign because it means the appropriate hormone is staying high enough to maintain the pregnancy.

Nausea is not nice but usually goes away after about 12 weeks.

Yes, nausea & fatigue are a good sign so plenty of rest too when the overwhelming fatigue happens in the first few months.

Nausea is associated with higher levels of pregnancy hormones so less chance of miscarriage. Try to see it as a good sign. Cold food may be easier to tolerate.

Pregnancy is difficult at the beginning and the end but there's usually a few good months in the middle.

If you can get him to the scan I think my OH fell in love with the scan picture, he wasnt wildly keen on a baby before but it made it more real.

@Babybelle81 I genuinely think that the fact you are waiting 2 weeks for a scan suggests that you really don't want to terminate.
Agree with the other pps that your child will be a part of your family forever whereas any partner or husband is not a certainty .
Good luck and hopefully the nausea will ease soon X

Hope you're doing ok @Babybelle81 🫂

Are you okay @Babybelle81 ?
Come back to mumsnet if you need a friendly chat.

Sadly it seems like @Babybelle81 may have made a big decision and does not want to come back on.