Help. I’m pregnant. At 43.

[Babybelle81]

I am 43 and soon to be 44 and just today found out I am pregnant.

I do not have children and my partner is 60 with grown up children who doesn’t want anymore.

I thought I was peri menopausal so thought I was safe, stupidly. I felt sick and sore boobs and am late, so tested today and it came up straight away.

I’ve not told him yet, I’m so frightened to.
I also have an amazing career which was going from strength to strength. Above all else, I don’t want my baby having old parents. He will be 80 by the time it is 20 and I just feel it’s unfair.

Please can you give me your honest and straightforward thoughts.

Thank you in advance.

@Babybelle81 some of us would love for you to start a new thread when this one is full, because we'd love to know how you get on.

I had my much-wanted 3rd baby at 40 after a history of miscarriages and infertility. I had to trust that it would all work out ok, and it did. Of course there are negatives to take into account but there are some right prophets of doom on here!!

I know the situation and background here are sensitive but don't let all the negativity get you down - pick out the positive contributions and I hope you realise that not all of us posting are here to have a go at you. Name me the person that doesn't make a questionable decision in life! Good luck x

If you really want this baby you should keep it. Situations are never ideal in life. But if you want the baby and will love it and care for it then it's got far more in life than many other people do...
My dad had me young and still died when I was early 30s. There are no guarentees in life. Fertility unfolds how it unfolds. Base your choice on how you really feel not on what your partner or his daughter think.. you will be the one most impacted either way

I genuinely don't see the issue about the OP ending up dating and living with her friend's Dad.

Presumably they are single adults who can do what they choose.
It's hardly incest.

Some posters come across as if they lead very narrow lives or think they are in an episode pf East Enders.

@PaintedLadies you have a very low bar

I don't either....

Judgey much? I prefer to live and let live. I don't set 'standards' for anyone but myself.

Your partner could leave tomorrow baby or no baby.
No relationship is set in stone.
This is your decision no one else's.
He can like it or lump it.
If he was against children then he should have taken precautions.
Could you raise a baby by yourself and is this what you want.
He's had a family you haven't!@

I'm a 65 yo male, wife is 67 and had last child aged 43. We have 2 adult children mid 20's. The difficulty you seem to have is that your husband is already a fair few years older than you. Tbh you are statistically likely to live another 20 years after he eventually passes away. Alone. How fantastic to have the chance to bring up a child who will keep you connected to the modern world, up to date with music, fashion, tech etc. Inheritance will be easier for you though perhaps not for him but it is truly a wonderful gift for someone like yourself as life is just beginning. Like my wife you will be an older mother but also the coolest mother at the school gates. I'd have another now if it were possible. They keep you young!

If you’re prepared to be a single mum then i say go for it, may be your last chance of motherhood.

Also if you don’t have a strong support system, you are putting yourself and your child at a massive disadvantage, especially considering there’s a higher chance you will be not only a single mum, but a grieving one. Please please focus on building one because it is so important. I know you said he’s a ‘very young 60’ but reality is his body is still 60 years old.

I genuinely don't see the issue about the OP ending up dating and living with her friend's Dad.

Really? You can't see that it would change and complicate their friendship enormously?

Can you imagine how their "girl talk" about their relationships would change? Would you want to hear about how your friend is having relationship problems or enjoying great sex with your dad?

Would you feel as comfortable sharing details of your life and thoughts with your friend in the knowledge that she in turn might share them with her partner, your dad?

Do you want to go out for couples drinks and dinner with your husband, your friend and your dad?

How about if your mum is upset about your dad being with someone so much younger? How awkward are family occasions going to be now with your loyalty pulled three ways?

Would you want your friend to be the mother to your much-younger sibling?

Would you want to be eyed up as a regular babysitter so your pal can go out with the weight of expectation coming from the fact that her child is also your sister or brother?

Best post yet!!

Like my wife you will be an older mother but also the coolest mother at the school gates.

Extremely doubtful.

Cool … as in “calm, wise and unbothered by all the school gate shenanigans “ 😆

If things continue as they are there will be plenty of shenanigans.

If OP maintains her teaching career unfortunately she won't be a mother at the school gates full stop. Ever 😢

Me too. Your partner has a responsibility for his sperm! If you feel excited have your baby.

Why would you think she'd be the coolest mother at the school gate? Based on what, exactly? I'm not disagreeing or criticising, I'm just bewildered by that comment.

If you want the baby you should have it! Maybe it was meant to be ! I’m 43 had my 3rd at 42 and my eldest is now 23. I Don’t regret it for a minute my DD is my world we have an a anazing bond, even though I have ended up going it alone due to DV . At the end of the day it is your decision.

Sorry, quoted the wrong post, but you get my drift.

Totally bewildered too.

Unless the PP knows the OP in real life, it sounds like they're just slapping away at their keypad and coming up with corny platitudes.

You are really devaluing their relationship with comments like this. You don’t know the situation at all, they were all adults, it’s not like he groomed her as a teenager for goodness sakes

I don’t have a support system, which makes me even more grateful for the love my and my daughter share

He was a father in his 20's, that's a hell of an age gap to 60. You are 5 years older than his daughter and it would be a 38/9 year age gap between the siblings.

Yes, you should have been using contraception. Only you know what you should do.

I wouldn't have it in your shoes.

I thought it was a lovely and encouraging message, you’re just nitpicking