Help. I’m pregnant. At 43.

[Babybelle81]

I am 43 and soon to be 44 and just today found out I am pregnant.

I do not have children and my partner is 60 with grown up children who doesn’t want anymore.

I thought I was peri menopausal so thought I was safe, stupidly. I felt sick and sore boobs and am late, so tested today and it came up straight away.

I’ve not told him yet, I’m so frightened to.
I also have an amazing career which was going from strength to strength. Above all else, I don’t want my baby having old parents. He will be 80 by the time it is 20 and I just feel it’s unfair.

Please can you give me your honest and straightforward thoughts.

Thank you in advance.

I'd certainly not have wanted this for my parents when they were 60

But it's more about what the parents want themselves.

And clearly this man didn't want to not have more kids enough to get the snip or use condoms.

Just to add to what @sel2223 said.
Forty percent of endometriosis suffers can't have children.
The OP has this condition. I'm team gift from God, miracle etc.

This!

I'd be horrified if I introduced my best friend to my Dad and she ended up in a relationship with him! Of course that would destroy most friendships!

Especially if your dad then started expecting you to babysit the much younger sibling he's having with your former friend!

Between deciding to date her friend's dad and not bothering with contraception at the relatively young age of 43 (which could potentially create a father at 60!!), the OP seems to have a bit of a history of reckless choices.

Same! Not the pint of the thread but her issue is hardly surprising! 😆

That’s such nonsense. I had my child at 42 and I have a life for myself. Yes, life changes but it doesn’t disappear. I’m still the same person I was before.

Just to give some context also, he is a very young 60 - in fact I’m more mature than him!

This doesn't bode well either. The OP seems quite immature for 43, and if her partner is even more immature than that (believable, as he's dating his daughter's friend and having unprotected sex at 60), I can't see him stepping up much as a dad.

The people saying ‘you won’t regret it’ aren’t really correct. There have been plenty of threads on here from women who have regretted having a baby when they did, or regretted the person they had them with, resent how much it’s changed their life. It’s needs to be your decision alone, these people saying ‘✨ it all works out in the end ✨ like it’s a Disney film won’t be there at 3am helping you get the baby back to sleep. Your chance of complications is higher, give thought to how comfortable you are with the idea of being a single mother to a disabled child whose dad dies when they’re a teenager. If you can face that idea, then go ahead!

More women are having kids in their 40s now.

In fact there are more mothers over 40 then teenagers.

Also I had an older mother and I didn't stand out in my schools. Probably because of where I was brought up in London.

Her beloved Dad could have got the snip.

Or even just used condoms.

Her beloved Dad didn't need to choose a woman nearly 20 yrs younger than him, with whom this could happen at any time (if she hadn't gotten sterilised).

You were best friend with his daughter and then got with her Dad? Lol

Ummmm no wonder she won't be thrilled.

@Babybelle81 thanks for the update. Don't fret re: the comment on the DD. The reality is the age gap between you both and the fact you used to be friends does mean that you have a complicated relationship but none of that is insurmountable. You can't force someone to be overjoyed with your news, but I would just let things take their course and not interfere too much between your DP and his DD. You have so much to focus on now and by all accounts your DP hasn't run for the hills so this is all positive.

Even with planned pregnancies it is pretty normal for couples to take a while to get their heads round it all. My DH took months - as did I!

Ignore the judgy comments on here and steer your own course. It will be what it will be.

Why is there an automatic assumption the kid will be disabled?

The kids I know with disabilities mothers had them when they were under 35.

Her Beloved Dad should not be sticking his dick into his daughters best friends. That is so gross.

You were best friends with his daughter? Ewwww! I think she’s done well to get past that. I can’t imagine how my daughter would feel if her dad started shagging her friends. No wonder he’s worried what she’ll say. You should be too. You both sound as bad as each other tbh-lacking boundaries and playing Russian Roulette with contraception. I hope it goes well for the child’s sake.

Firstly and this might seem out of place but congratulations. If you always wanted children, your wish has been granted and I think you should do what you want.

I appreciate you love your partner, but he has demanded you meet his wishes without considering yours.

Tell him. I hope he responds in a mature and considered way. If he doesn't you need to think about you. If your partner dies, your step kids are less likely to treat you like a parent than your own child :(

Imagine being step mum to your best friend . Oh my

Agreed.

Ooops.

So when you mentioned early on that the daughter might be invaluable support, were you thinking you might become besties again! I’m assuming that ship has sailed. Can just imagine what DS would feel like if me or his dad went out with one of his best mates 😱

OP - you're a teacher, yes?
Surely you knew you could possibly get pregnant at 43?

Have you posted before about going out with your best mate’s dad @Babybelle81

I refuse to believe this was a total mistake tbh.

Right, I can now see why that may complicate things with the daughter. I wondered why she was being unfriendly!

It's a bit too late to get judgemental about that!

@Babybelle81 you have truly opened the MN can of worms I'm afraid! Has he spoken to you about it again tonight?

Bit of a drip feed, isn't it!

"It’s a real shame as we used to be best friends, and she actually introduced us!"
and
"[the daughter] has two [kids] of her own so she would be invaluable"
and
"She unfortunately doesn’t like her dad being with anyone"

I'm the daughter's age and would be absolutely appalled if a close friend, 5-6 years older than me, started dating my dad. No way would I be 'invaluable' in raising any half-siblings. I don't think the problem is 'anyone', I think the problem is the choices OP and the dad made.