Help. I’m pregnant. At 43.

[Babybelle81]

I am 43 and soon to be 44 and just today found out I am pregnant.

I do not have children and my partner is 60 with grown up children who doesn’t want anymore.

I thought I was peri menopausal so thought I was safe, stupidly. I felt sick and sore boobs and am late, so tested today and it came up straight away.

I’ve not told him yet, I’m so frightened to.
I also have an amazing career which was going from strength to strength. Above all else, I don’t want my baby having old parents. He will be 80 by the time it is 20 and I just feel it’s unfair.

Please can you give me your honest and straightforward thoughts.

Thank you in advance.

Get off the girl's case already...!

Relationships between people of different ages happen, it's not like she was 16 when she got together with her friend's dad, yes the dynamic is a bit tricky, but only as tricky as any of the three of them want to make it (my dad is in a LTR with someone only a couple of years older than me, it initially felt a bit strange but now no one even notices any more).

And the pregnancy @Babybelle81 , life has thrown you a huge but amazing curve-ball...and if you previously always wanted a child but then gave up that dream...for this chap...then I would think very, very carefully before you make any irrevocable decisions. I am an older mum and after years of heartbreak I had a surprise successful pregnancy when I was a year older than you; life has changed out of all recognition and it's wonderful. My previously more-important-than-anything career now plays second fiddle, I still enjoy my work, but it's now only part of who I am, not all of who I am.

Be selfish, just this once. Think about, and allow yourself to feel, what you want. What your partner wants, and even less what his daughter wants are less important than what you want this time...they've had their kids. This is your opportunity to do the same.

exactly!

Do NOT give him booties! He won’t find it cute. A baby item never won someone over who wasn’t keen; it’ll just make him feel he’s being manipulated ( … and that he missed out on his proper present!)

To be fair you can't help who you fall in low with.

Oh yes you can.

Of course you can. Attraction is not love - easy enough not to pursue attraction.

My nan was 46 and grandad was around 60 when my Mum was born, she also was a surprise.
My mum adored her parents and they certainly cherished her.
This is nothing but a blessing, hard to see now maybe for some, but in the future it will become clear.
Wishing you a smooth pregnancy, and just remember the precious gift that will be waiting at the end for you xx

Of course you can. People do all the time. They have both massively disrespected the daughter here and are expecting her to be fine with it.

It is totally understandable that he doesn't want another child, with his daughter's best friend.

FFS will people give it a rest! The stable door is open. The horse has bolted! All the pearl clutching in the world isn't going to change the facts!

I didn't say you had to act on it though.

Age is just a number. It is the feeling and love that matters. Make sure a child is someone that you want

Then he shouldn't be with the daughter's former best friend!!

If your partner is a fit & healthy 60 I don't see any issue here. My DH & I are into our 6os & have Grandchildren over regularly including one still in nappies. We have no issues looking after them.

You will have posters saying it's unfair on a child to have older parents turning up at the school gates which I think is nonsense. The fit & healthy older parents turning up at the school gates when my children were at school often looked,acted & dressed far younger than the people who were young first time parents. Please don't let age worry you.

I hope everything turns out well for you OP 💐

So what was the point of your comment then?

Absolutely.

The dad sounds a prince.

So you'd rather not have been born? 🙄That makes perfect sense. So glad you are here to advise the OP.

She can feel how she wants but it's not something OP should be expected to be concerned with.

The OPs DP has a few adult DCs already who would step up if he was left widowed - so this baby would not be an only child caring for an elderly parent. Seems they are both very fit physically and the DGF is still kicking about at 90.

My parents had me at 21. My Dad died 6 years later. My Mum when she was 48.

I would go for it OP .... having children is magical.

You have made sacrifices for him to date - dont be coerced into anything. I expectit might take him the whole 9 months to come to terms with it.

Congratulations ..... surround yourself with family and friends who will be delighted for you and distance yourself from the sour DD who has her own DCs to concentrate on. I wish you luck with it all. So precious.

LOL, isn't it funny how people who have a history of not concerning themselves with other people's feelings also tend to have a history of difficult relationships with other people and not having much support around them.

Of course he could. I’m not saying she’s right. I’m just looking at it from her point of view and explaining why she could legitimately, and not for selfish reasons, feel that this isn’t a development she can embrace with joy.

Especially given the later updates that she is the OP’s former best friend, and the reason she and her DH met in the first place.

Having a 60 year old father increases the risk of all sorts of things considerably without considering the OP's age. That's not to say the child will definitely be disabled but it's something that it's sensible to consider.

OP I can see why his dd has an issue, no one expects their good mate to end up having a baby with their 60 year old dad. I'd be very uncomfortable with the situation too.

I don't really understand why you thought you couldn't have a child at 43 either? A quick Google will tell you that even if you were in perimenopause it's still possible. I really don't understand your thinking there at all.

I don't envy your position OP, I know at my age (50) I would not want a 6 year old with a man fast approaching 70 but I can imagine how difficult the decision is when this is your one and only chance of a child.

Me too.

Charlie Chaplin was a father in his eighties.

If that's the case, he should have found someone his age, and his partner would have not got pregnant.