Help. I’m pregnant. At 43.

[Babybelle81]

I am 43 and soon to be 44 and just today found out I am pregnant.

I do not have children and my partner is 60 with grown up children who doesn’t want anymore.

I thought I was peri menopausal so thought I was safe, stupidly. I felt sick and sore boobs and am late, so tested today and it came up straight away.

I’ve not told him yet, I’m so frightened to.
I also have an amazing career which was going from strength to strength. Above all else, I don’t want my baby having old parents. He will be 80 by the time it is 20 and I just feel it’s unfair.

Please can you give me your honest and straightforward thoughts.

Thank you in advance.

There may have been much to recommend CC, but not necessarily this.

Your partner also needs a bit of education about women's bodies and where babies come from. He really shoud take responsibility and stop blaming you. He's not 13.

I would say OP do what you think is right for you. It has to be your decision. I know it's difficult to be 100% sure and it's normal to feel torn, however make sure that you're not being influenced or pressured by your partner. It needs to be YOUR decision. Otherwise your relationship could very easily fall apart after abortion anyway and you could end up depressed and resentful. Whatever you do, don't do it for him or because of him!

Some kids don't have fathers from day one, the dad's gone off.
Surely even if he died when they were a teenager, that means they would have more love and memories from someone who'd never known their dad.

Mick Jsgger isn't far behind.

There is the increased risk of disabilities but some people are talking as if it’s a guarantee. There are plenty of people born to older parents who are fine. As a random example John Major’s father was in his 60s when he was born.

Exactly what I was thinking.

All this “ why should I?” ;“ she gets no vote.”

And I’m afraid the best friend revelation has totally sealed it for me: I feel desperately sorry for the DD. No wonder she’s been “difficult” in the past.

His daughter sounds a selfish madam- She has children of her own?
She's probably worried about her perceived inheritance being given to you and the other child- It happens.

Sounds you might have to go this alone.

This thread has had me googling older dads......Julio Iglesias snr (Enriques grandad) was apparently 90 when his only daughter was conceived and he died 7 months before she was born.

Now that's extreme!

Well to be fair, she did used to be OP's best friend and apparently introduced them.

I can understand why your ex best friend being pregnant with your 60 year old Dad's baby who also happens to be your sibling might be upsetting.

And she doesn't know yet. So how you know she's behaved in a selfish madam like way is all a bit of a mystery unless you have a time machine.

Totally tone deaf

OP, I had DD when I was nearly 42 and DH was 58. If you want the baby, keep it. Don’t let him or his daughter influence you. If your heart tells you keeping the baby is the right choice, that’s what’s right for you. Don’t live the rest of your life wondering what if. It won’t necessarily be easy, but it’s so, so worth it.

This surely takes the prize for the funniest (& the saddest) comment on the thread

"Remember you will be 63 when the child is 20" 😂

OP you haven't said how long you have been with your partner.

I haven't read everything but I would keep babe and get rid of the fella.

The questions I’d be asking myself, at nearly your age:

• Do I want this baby even if it means going it alone because it ends my relationship?
• Do I want this baby even if the higher risk due to ages means there are disabilities or additional needs?

What anybody else would do is kind of irrelevant if your instinct is to have the baby. Since you’ve asked for opinions though - 43 is pushing is but hardly unheard of. I do think a 60 year old, especially one who already had a 38yo daughter, is too old though.

I think you have to do what feels right. By the way you’ve written your post and replies, it feels like you want to have this baby? Which is completely your right. I know people have different thoughts on how much your partner and his DD opinion should factor into the decision, but if you were to have a termination because of how they feel rather than how you feel, you’d probably spend the rest of your life questioning and possibly regretting your decision.

If you were to have the baby, yes there would be challenges, absolutely - is it worth working through those challenges? Would you be willing to make temporary/ permanent sacrifices?

If you weren’t to have the baby, would you always wonder “what if”? Would you have any resentment for your partner if you felt it was more his decision than yours?

It’s not unheard of for women in their 40’s to have children, especially now. My own mum 30 years ago was in her late 30s when she had me, which was an older mum at the time but I don’t feel that I’ve missed out on anything at all.

Ultimately - in my opinion - you’re never going to regret having a baby, despite the challenges; but you might regret not having one.

OP congratulations on your pregnancy.

What a Blessing.

Have your baby, he has had the pleasure and privilege of his.

You'll never forgive yourself if you let this opportunity go.

If he bailed, would you be able to go it alone? Even if he decided to be difficult about CMS?

Raising kids alone is 100% doable but you have to be realistic.

In your position, and being financially independent, I'd go for it but accept I might lose my partner x.

I think if even part of you is excited and you have wanted a child before now, then put your own feelings first and be prepared to lose him. No man can ever take the place of a child. I think it’s highly unlikely you would be looking at your child in 2,4,10 years time thinking ‘I wish I’d chosen partner instead’

A bit late for that!

He's been having sex with his daughter's best friend.

I wonder if too much has been read into the OP referring to stepdaughter used to be her best friend.
Some of the replies have been disgusting

OP...you realise this is your baby's half sister you are taking about? She may be 38 but she is your unborn child's half sister! Doesn't this also mean that your unborn child is already an aunty/uncle?! Think about that for a moment. And then think that if your partner and father of the child passes away, this woman and her children will be your child's only biological link with their father. Think about that before you push her away. Not going to lie that's a a bit of an odd situation. You clearly want the baby, but I fear you will end up raising it alone. Next question, do you own property wb your partner and will be marry you? Or could you end up a homeless single parent with a baby and no financial assets to your name and no legal tie to the father other than a few paltry maintenance payments? Hope that is not the case!!

That's what tends to happen when OPs drip feed to manipulate the narrative.

True, it must be a lot to get your head round- learning that you’re going to be a big sister at almost 40, that your kids are going to have a tiny baby aunt or uncle and see their grandad as a new father with a baby. I think even with the best relationship a lot of people would be less than impressed or even slightly horrified at first.

Doesn’t mean things won’t work out though.