Help. I’m pregnant. At 43.

[Babybelle81]

I am 43 and soon to be 44 and just today found out I am pregnant.

I do not have children and my partner is 60 with grown up children who doesn’t want anymore.

I thought I was peri menopausal so thought I was safe, stupidly. I felt sick and sore boobs and am late, so tested today and it came up straight away.

I’ve not told him yet, I’m so frightened to.
I also have an amazing career which was going from strength to strength. Above all else, I don’t want my baby having old parents. He will be 80 by the time it is 20 and I just feel it’s unfair.

Please can you give me your honest and straightforward thoughts.

Thank you in advance.

It's the opposite imo

If it's not a "hell no", it's a yes.

Obviously it's up to OP to decide where she sits with our opinions

Thinking back to when I was your age OP I didn’t want to be a single parent and my career and finances and relationship wasn’t amazing then but I’d have made it work had I got pregnant then, which I didn’t. I always used the MAP though if I thought withdrawal (which was what I used) hadn’t worked properly.

It sounds like you’re excited though so don’t not have the baby just because of the father’s views.

Would recommend a termination, but ultimately only you can decide that for yourself. Whatever you choose is going to be okay. You got this

Sounds like you know what you want OP, one of those things you just have to follow your heart with and it sounds like you're settle in other aspects so it's not reckless. I think you just need to consider how you would feel doing it on your own if he's not on the same page.

More likely than a younger person, yes, but also still more likely to have a perfectly healthy baby than not

He's just as culpable here for what has happened. Don't put the blame entirely on yourself.

But personally, "geriatric" eggs, plus the chances of autism and neurological differences from male sperm at 60 are far increased. All well and good having screening tests but it won't pick that up.

Plus a lifetime of "is this your nan/grandad" faux pas.

And the likelihood here is, if all goes well, you'll be a single parent in your mid 40s to a disabled child.

Personally would be a no from me.

I think it's wonderful news. This child will be your family long after your husband has passed. (Sorry to be blunt, but you have a large age gap.) And if you both die young-ish, the baby wouldn't be alone in the world, as they'd have adult siblings and cousins closer to their age.

It's YOUR life. If you want this baby, you have it. If your husband was so against having another child and didn't want to use condoms, he should have had the snip. He's got no right to whine. It's not happening to him, ultimately.

Don't terminate the pregnancy for him. He's your past and present. The child is your future. How would you feel if he dies at 65, as many people do, and you could have had a full life raising your child, and instead you're alone? He's got his kids. He can't really complain about you wanting the same.

If YOU don't want the baby, that's different. But absolutely do not terminate for him. He's entering his twilight years, but you have plenty of years left to live.

This is a tough one. I think you should go for some counselling.
He should have had a vasectomy.

But you might have to rear the baby alone.

I suppose the main thing I would be checking is the chances for foetal abnormality and frankly, how hard it would be on your body... And, as other posters said, it is totally your decision... Your partner had his children, and it is likely he'll pass away before you. You may welcome having some family when you get older. He does already. What is fair for you?

If you have always wanted a baby, then I think you would have a hard time coming to terms with a termination.

You didn't create this baby on your own, so if he didn't want any more children, then he should have ensured he couldn't get you pregnant.

I think he's been selfish in denying you a baby if you wanted one. I wouldn't have sacrificed that for any man.

Congrats :) If you want a baby, have it. :) you are not that old really. No matter how old you have your babies noone can guarantee your health status for the years to come etc. I hope your partner takes it well.

Find a good, neutral therapist.

Yes you're right. It wouldn't be fair to the child, they'd lose you when they were young plus parenting is hard when you're young let alone when you're 50 plus and still having to slog it on the school run etc.

I was 43 when my youngest was born, she's nearly 16 and I'm 59 now, and quite honestly I'm so glad I had her as we are very close, definitely had more time and patience, and more financially stable. I've had kids when I was in my teens as well and I preffered being an older mum, which is not that unusual today.

I don't think you should worry about him feeling trapped.

TBH if he took a chance of not using contraception, he should have understood pregnancy was possible. many women of 43 have babies.

I'd not look ahead too far. But being blunt, anyone can die at any time.
He could live to 90 or a younger father could drop dead at 60.

Do what you want to.

It's not a "likelihood" at all!! It's possibility, as it is for all of us, with an age-related heightened risk!

The geriatric sperm would give me pause for thought, with the increased risk of autism.

If you’ve always wanted this, my advice is to go for it. This is probably your last and only chance.

And, I know this sounds harsh right now, but you may end up miscarrying as you’re in your 40s.

You are 43 so you have the benefit of some life experience and the views of a bunch of strangers on the internet are irrelevant. Contact your local British Pregnancy Advice Service and talk it through with someone who is objective.

It sounds like you want the baby so congratulations OP. I wouldn't worry about him feeling trapped, he is as much responsible for birth control as you are. If he was really done having children then he should of had the snip.

I had a surprise pregnancy last year and felt pretty stupid too. But now our baby is here I am so grateful, it just took a while to get used to the idea.

I've been in a similar position to you. Aged 41, accidentally pregnant by a lovely man who said he didn't want kids. I went on to miscarry at 8 weeks and both of us were utterly devastated. Hopefully we'll get another chance, but there are no guarantees. If there's even the slightest doubt in your mind, keep the baby.

Me too.

How many weeks along are you, OP?

That's you.

I turned 60 the year my much-planned and much longed-for 3rd baby turned 20. Not a huge lot of difference. It is absolutely fine. How can you even comment about not having any life for yourself, when you literally don't have any experience?

Of course you can expect him to do that, he has contributed to your pregnancy as well! Why didn't he get a vasectomy or go after a much younger women if he didn't want to run the risk of having another baby. At the end of the OP, nobody else's thoughts matter apart from your own. It does sound to me like you want the baby though, and this may be your last chance. You have only just found out, you don't need to make any quick decisions just yet.