Boyfriend doesn't want to have baby

[FirstTimeMummyxxx]

Hi, I am 23 and already have an 11 month old. My partner knew i wasn't on the pill and we have been having sex unprotected - lo and behold i done a test today and it was positive. He doesn't want to keep the baby, won't even sit down and talk about it just straight away said "do another test then we will google on what's the next steps to get rid" but i don't want to get rid. I have always wanted kids young and i am kind of against abortion... (please don't hate me for that). We have a house together but not sure what to do, leave him and keep the baby and get my own place and be a single mom or get rid like he wants?

Again - For the bitter people, he never said to me "i don't want a baby" before or when we was shaving sex so no, i have not purposely had sex with him to get pregnant on PURPOSE.

He didn't say he didn't want one and he wasn't doing anything to stop it.

The blame is on him only.

Can you tell me what job you do that will pay for two sets of nursery fees, rent, bills, food, clothes and everything else for a family of three?
My 23 year old is job hunting and needs a job like yours. Thanks in advance!

I started work at 16 and worked my way up. Sorry you can't do this...

No. She knew what she was doing.

Because unless they were both enthusiasticly trying purposefully for a baby there's blame on both.
You don't bring a life into this world without more thought.

I'm not saying it is, but our daughter will still be looked after well regardless of what happens, thank you!

Biologically, procreation is THE PURPOSE of sex.

Enjoyment is just a side benefit, not the other way round.

How is he with your current DD? Does he do his share, participate in parenting or does it all fall to you?
Is he on the birth certificate?
If you were to split what would maintenance look like? Could you afford to stay in your current home? How would it impact your work?
More relevant questions than people having a go because shock horror a bloke couldn’t be arsed with contraception.

You've both been incredibly irresponsible and you sound immature. Agree with PP re job and nursery fears etc - are you completely self supporting or expecting us to fund your irresponsibility?

One of my best friends at school was something like 11 or 13 months apart in age from her sibling and she was fine. It happens. If you have the means to keep the baby, and you have even the whisper of distaste about abortion, of course keep the baby! Do you or your partner have family you are close to, or good friends? It's time to ask for support and not tear each other to bits as a couple. Counselling would be great as well. He doesn't sound nice but things can get very heated without some kind of community or family to diffuse the tension within a couple.

Can you afford to pay for your housing, all your bills and two lots of nursery fees on just your own income? At the age of 23?

I pay for my 11 months nursery on my own now anyway, which she goes 4 days a week, all day. I have a lot of money left over. Are people bitter that i'm 23 and have a good job? I'm sorry i'm supporting my family haha!

She told him to get condoms. He didn't. They already have one child together, so if he hasn't taken active steps to prevent another pregnancy, it's reasonable to assume he was ok to have another child. Everyone knows how babies are made after all.

But now, faced with a positive pregnancy test, all of a sudden NOW he feels strongly about not having another child? And oh yes, the consequences of HIS inaction severely impact OP's physical and mental wellbeing, with no impact on him whatsoever?

This isn't on OP. If any of the posters having a go have sons, make sure you drill it into them to take responsibility for their own contraception and stop leaving it to the woman or in the lap of the gods. Fucking stupid.

I think there is a slight underestimating of how much two children cost. I would be a little worried if I was the OP.

Some people are responding in a sadly predictable and school matronesque tone, reprimanding the op and insinuating she is an unfit parent while she is struggling with a big decision about her pregnancy choices. This is staggeringly insensitive and unhelpful.

It’s dual responsibility for the sake of the child. What happens if this cock of a man continues to be a father to his existing child but decides to have nothing to do with the next one? What if he decides to walk away from both? Two children potentially facing a life of feeling rejected.

The boyfriend is selfish and irresponsible and so is the OP.

Genuinely interested!

Both parents should act responsibly. You shouldn't be having unprotected sex unless both you and the person you are having sex with actively want a child and can afford to support that child.

If he wants nothing to do with either or this one that's down to him. They'll mean the world to me, so no i'm not selfish or irresponsible, they will have the same life they would have if there dad was here helping me.

I've read plenty of threads on Mumsnet where the couple are technically grandparent age (40s) and have unprotected sex and the woman ends up pregnant. Sometimes there's a small age gap too. Op's child will be nearly 2 when the baby is born (if she goes through with the pregnancy) so I wouldn't say that is a small age gap.

The difference is that older mums aren't faced with really nasty comments. Op said she has a job and her baby is in Nursery. Her boyfriend might be working too.

"
My child is great having us as parents thank you. I can't believe so many of you are saying "poor little one" about my child, who may i say is incredibly spoilt and gets everything she wants and is very looked after"

Giving a child everything they want and spoiling them isn't good parenting.

I cannot believe this is real......... Why would anyone be so irresponsible about creating a new life?

Ok, i feed her, give her what she needs, rock her to sleep, what more do you want to prove that i'm a good mother? You are absolutely ridiculous.

As an adult woman, if both you and your partner don't want a baby, you don't want to use contraception and he won't use condoms, then you could just not have sex.

'He didn't say he didn't want a baby' isn't exactly a strong defence OP.

A bit like a rapist saying 'She didn't say she didn't want to have sex'.

Enthusiastic consent is required in both scenarios, for the sake of the human life you've created if nothing else. A baby is a whole person with its own life that will be affected from beginning to end by your decisions and actions and those of your partner. It's not a bloody toy!

We have a baby and when we were having unprotected sex it was after lengthy discussion about whether we each wanted a baby and what our lives / relationship / finances would look like if one arrived.