Boyfriend doesn't want to have baby

[FirstTimeMummyxxx]

Hi, I am 23 and already have an 11 month old. My partner knew i wasn't on the pill and we have been having sex unprotected - lo and behold i done a test today and it was positive. He doesn't want to keep the baby, won't even sit down and talk about it just straight away said "do another test then we will google on what's the next steps to get rid" but i don't want to get rid. I have always wanted kids young and i am kind of against abortion... (please don't hate me for that). We have a house together but not sure what to do, leave him and keep the baby and get my own place and be a single mom or get rid like he wants?

I think that she was talking about her boyfriend.

Who - yes - she absolutely should get rid of!

My advice is that. End the relationship and then make a decision about the baby. But if you were anti abortion pre pregnancy I suspect that terminating the pregnancy is not something that would be right for you.

Keep the baby I say but I think you are both to blame. Don't make the decision just yet though. Plenty of time.

Your poor kids. You sound like a child yourself.

You only found out today, don’t rush to make any decisions.

‘maybe, i think i'm just going to have to get rid to be honest. he's really not liking it’.

That’s very flippant.

I agree with the pp who said that you are both irresponsible.
You both had unprotected sex, you both created a baby and now you talk about ‘just getting rid’ like it’s a broken toy. Blaming just him is ridiculous, you are the one who will be left to either bring up two children alone or go through the mental and physical pain of having a termination.
It doesn’t sound like either of you are mature enough to be parents. Your poor little one.

You shouldn't allow yourself to be pressured into having a termination. It doesn't sound like your partner is responsible, respectful or kind. He didn't think about contraception and he has been controlling and manipulative since you got the news. This is not the kind of person you want to make sacrifices for.

You don't know if you will ever have another baby or how a termination under these circumstances will make you feel. You probably won't be happy staying with him now either way and you might not have the chance to have more children. It's unlikely that you won't but it's a possibility to consider.

Obviously not using contraception or failing to have a conversation about adding to your family were not the best choices for the child you already have.

Looking ahead, the priority now needs to be making sure that your child doesn't live in a toxic home dynamic and doesn't have a mum who is mentally unwell. I think at the moment the best way to do that is leaving your partner and having this baby, as difficult as that will be.

You need to accept that the future holds very difficult experiences for you now no matter what you do. Don't choose the thing that scares you least. Choose the thing you think you'd have most peace about if the fear went away because it will.

Except its not and that's what you're failing to see.
Your lack of awareness is a massive part in the shit show that is the children's lives.

This^^

He isn't trapped. You surely don't want a relationship with him anymore anyway, so in what way is he trapped?

Trapped into a relationship? No. Into a relationship with the new baby? Not necessarily - he can refuse to have anything to do with the baby if he wants. Into having to pay CM? Well, that's life if you have unprotected sex. I also imagine it won't be megabucks since he is 23 years old and I'm guessing not earning huge amounts?

Do not let him or any people especially certain Mnetters push you into an abortion you do not want 💐

I do think it’s irresponsible by the nature of the fact you don’t have a definite plan here. If you were responsible you wouldn’t need advice on a forum you would have planned for this knowing that pregnancy was a very real and likely possibility. When you started having unprotected sex you should already know in your mind what you will do when you fall pregnant and have a plan in place ready. That’s being responsible.

This is just shit show with potentially two babies stuck in the middle.

As for what I would do in your shoes? Keep the baby if you want it and end the relationship. He may come around to baby number two but if you stay together then chances are you’ll be back in 18 months facing the same situation with baby number 3.

Genuine question: what exactly did you expect to happen given that you knew you were trying for a baby, and you knew he didn't want one?

My child is great having us as parents thank you. I can't believe so many of you are saying "poor little one" about my child, who may i say is incredibly spoilt and gets everything she wants and is very looked after. This has nothing to do with the way i am as a mother. Disgusting attitude to have towards me.

I didn't know he didn't want one, until i got a positive test... Our first baby was planned so it's not like we 'accidentally' had kids young.

People are only responding to the information you’ve put on here, which sounds as if you both have a very cavalier attitude to planning/not planning your family.

Ignore them. Do what's best for you.

If you are against abortion you will most likely struggle with your feelings for a long time or even forever if you do go down that road.

There is nothing wrong with having kids close in age. It can be tiring but its also lovely and rewarding.

You are financially fine with a roof over your head. Thats usually what people worry about most but you're very lucky to not have to worry about that.

Everything will fall into place as it's meant to.

You have been irresponsible though. Having unprotected sex with a man without discussing what would happen if you got pregnant. If you did discuss and he didn't want it, you both did it anyway.

Now you're set to raise 2 children on your own because of both the parents lack of intelligence.

So silly.

He is a moron, what did he think would happen if neither of you used contraception?
Bit its irresponsible all round really. Looks like you'll be a single mum now.

I think you are getting a really really unfair time here OP. Accidents happen. Your post seems to have attracted a lot of angry bitter comments.

i would take some time - maybe a week to really think about it.

also termination clinics offer multiple free counselling session. Another unbiased charity to call is called Choices Charity (Islington) and they can book you zoom counselling to help you decide and also couples counselling if your partner will join. Then you can both dig deeper to how you feel and listen to each other with compassion

It's a difficult situation you've found yourselves in. You knew the risks but don't mind the consequences. He knew the risks and clearly didn't care until "the worst" has happened.
With all due respect he sounds like a dick in the way he's behaving - are you guaranteed to stay together forever regardless of what happens with this pregnancy?
You may well find yourself having a termination because it's what HE wants, and then he may up and leave anyway!

I bet if i was older you lot wouldn't be calling me silly and irresponsible. It's a joke.

There is no way I'd abort a baby I wanted (actually I personally would never have an abortion). For me, everything else would come second.

As a separate issue, I'd never be told what to do with my body by anyone, particularly a romantic partner. That's just asking for trouble.

Thank you, stuff like this is all i need, reassurance on either side i chose ! 🩷

For everyone berating the OP as to why get pregnant if he didn't want one. Surely the one who doesnt want one has more of a responsibility to ensure it doesnt happen!

It wasn't an accident. It was purposeful regular unprotected sex with someone who didn't want another baby.

Being ‘incredibly spoilt’ probably doesn’t make up for Mummy and daddy breaking up because they couldn’t sit down to discuss family planning.