Due December 2024 - thread 2

[CatCaretaker]

Follow on from the first thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5032929-due-december-2024?page=40

I've also had issues getting my 3yo in her car seat in the car park, I don't know if it's because she's still rear facing but I have to get her to put her arms through the straps and the. Try to reach my arms in to do it up because I can't fit my pregnant stomach in the tiny gap.

This is only when someone has parked quite close

It sounds ludicrous but putting socks on, what an effort😅

Haha my daughter asked me if I was hurt this morning such was the effort and the grunting and groaning to reach my feet putting socks on. It's all so ridiculous 🤣

Just a little off topic, but I was just reading through some other threads in the pregnancy section/childbirth section on here. And I thought about our group and how amazing it is.

There are some really unkind people here on Mumsnet that even as women, talk really degradingly to other women when they're at there most vulnerable and trying to make informed decisions etc.
I think it's amazing that in this group we've got such a mix, some first time mums, some home births, vaginal births, ELCS choices and never once has anyone been pushy or judgemental or anything but supportive.
It's amazing to see women truly supporting women and feels like a really safe space. ❤️ really thankful for that. I've often said to my husband how much I love this group and how it's allowed me to offload to women who understand in the moment.

Absolutely @Lunamoon23! I feel so lucky to have found this wee corner of the internet as well. I have a love/hate relationship with MumsNet (mostly hate) and find it can be really toxic at times. But you ladies are all so lovely! Genuinely rooting for you all ❤️

In a world where the village doesn't really exist any more it has been so nice to encounter a lovely, non-judgmental, supportive group of women, like it should be ❤️❤️❤️

@Lunamoon23 absolutely, think it’s been an amazing source of support, even for the short time I’ve been here!

I found my first group so, so supportive and we are all still in a WhatsApp group to this day, and we found out we were pregnant October 2022!

I feel like my pregnancy is going to go the long haul as I'm not getting any of these symptoms!

I also feel very grateful to have a lovely supportive thread 😊 it's nice that people can just be nice to each other xxx

Same @LilyJessie I'm sure I'll be right there waiting with you

Yes, it will also be lovely when the babies are here to have an online village to ask for advice and support

Agree this is a lovely supportive group 😊

So I think my toddler has chickenpox, I should be ok if I’ve already had it myself?

@OnNaturesCourse @Firsttimetrier @RedRobyn2021 @LilyJessie @MaybeBaby2024 it's lovely to see so many of us agree, also agree @RedRobyn2021 I think this group will be so helpful when in the trenches of postpartum and a newborn, it'll be invaluable to someone like me who will be doing all of the above for the first time.

But of a random question for you, but those who've breastfed previously, did you find you lost weight through breastfeeding? I was reading a thread on here earlier about it and it was really split and was interested to see the consensus on this thread. X

@Lunamoon23 I think I lost weight at the beginning but then as I fed less as he got older, I went back up to my normal weight. I don’t ever remember finding it making me hungry etc, but I may have just ate less as I couldn’t with a newborn in one hand 😂

@Lunamoon23

Yes I lost it all by 9 month pp and then I lost another 7 pounds

When she was 1 and I was feeding her less I put the 7 pounds back on haha

But didn't have to diet in any way, just ate what I wanted

I gained 3.5 stone, the first stone went when I gave birth, then another 11 pounds or so from the lochia, then the rest just went. My stomach looked like a deflated stretch mark balloon for months but it does go back to looking fairly similar to before and the stretch marks (if you get any) fade a lot

Same here - but I only breastfed / combi fed for first 8 weeks.

I looked back at pics of me post birth last time and I was super slim! Defo put it all back though over the last 3 years!! Went from not eating much with newborn to eating junk I.e. whatever was to hand with toddler 🤦‍♀️

@HelterSkelter224 I was the same weight at 38 weeks as I was at 8 weeks due to gestational diabetes, the only positive of having it. I looked so slim, but slowly crept up over the two years.

This time around I have it again and only put on 5lbs at 34 weeks.

I’m definitely going to stick to the diet post birth as I do genuinely feel better than eating lots of carbs etc, be less to lose long term, but allow myself a treat here and there.

@Firsttimetrier @HelterSkelter224 aw that's interesting. I've gained quite abit of weight this pregnancy, 3 stone. 😳 and I'm dying to fit back into my jeans. I haven't worn them since I was like 15 weeks pregnant, I miss them so much! hahaha.

@RedRobyn2021 is lochia the bleeding after? That's alot! Yeah you've gained about the same as I have this pregnancy. I've just done our food shop to come next week the day before our scheduled c section and I've filled it with nutritious, high protein snacks and meals. Having gained so much has really affected my confidence but I'm also conscious of not depriving my body as I want to breastfeed. Thankfully, I have zero stretch marks so far... still a week to go though so still time but I have heard you're not in the clear until after as some women get them after don't they! Which is wild. Although my mum never got any and I've heard it can be quite related to genetics too. X

Girls hope you don't mind this wee rant (big rant) but my mum has really pissed me off. I asked her to come over for a few days to "help" with toddler when I have my ELCS, basically distract the toddler to allow my scar a chance to start healing and stop my daughter from jumping all over me and want carried around all the time. I live in a different city to my mum so we see her once every 4-5 months, usually it's me who instigates a visit or pays for my mum to come. My brother still lives with them (including laundry, cooking cleaning etc. for a small contribution to housekeeping) and my sister leans on my parents a lot for childcare for two kids while my sister and BIL work, babysitting in the evening etc. My mum even makes my sister and her family a home cooked meal at her house once a week. That's all fine, no problem at all as I'm a grown up and do not want or expect this but this is the FIRST time I've asked my mum for a favour related to children, she jumped at the chance to come over when newborn is here and I was relieved and grateful. But since booking her flights she has been dropping comments from time to time about the only reason she is coming over is to see the baby when she is tiny and that she's too old to run after my eldest all the time and would be better helping with the baby. I don't want her to help with the baby! I wanted some support and space to bond with my baby in the first days, spend time doing skin to skin and to try and establish breastfeeding (both bonding and breastfeeding were a struggle last time which severely impacted me) and heal from my operation without having to run after a toddler the whole time.

My husband will be here and is great with our daughter but my toddler always wants me not him, and is happy to go to her granny. If it was just her dad here, my daughter would be asking for me. My mum keeps making comments about how she did her time raising kids and wants to enjoy her grandkids and how she didn't get to see my older daughter when she was a newborn (born during Covid 🙄🙄🙄🙄) and wants to make up for it now. She's making it clear that we shouldn't expect her to be exerting herself with my toddler and that she's there for the baby. She already does her share running after my niece and nephew. It's definitely not why I asked her to come and she is very clear on the help I was asking for when I suggested she come over. I'm seriously regretting asking her for this favour and am so close to just telling her not to bother coming 😡

Ugh. I'm aware I'm sounding like an entitled spoiled brat here but I feel a little hurt that she is using the work she does for my sister with childcare and babysitting as an excuse to "just enjoy" my kids, when actually what I need is some help 😢 I can't tell if I'm really pissed off about this or if it's hormones or stress or tiredness but regardless it feels a bit crap and I feel a bit let down. If I can't ask my own mum for help then who else can I?

Ahhh @HelterSkelter224 that is very annoying. Why are people like this? Cuddling the newborn is probably the least helpful thing visitors can do. Baby needs to be with you.

It’s all the other stuff you can’t do while you’re recovering that people need to be helping with! Occupying the toddler, household chores, cooking etc.

I’m sorry your mum doesn’t treat you and your siblings equally, not fair at all 😞 Is there anyone in your DPs family who might be more hands-on helpful?

@HelterSkelter224 oh this isn't what you need right now is it?
Could you maybe book in some activities for you mum and toddler that take them out of the house a couple hours a day so that in those moments you are being left with baby, alone to do the things you mentioned above. Visits to Santa, soft play?

Also, if you're establishing breastfeeding she won't have the option to just keep taking baby off you. I'd maybe state what she's there for again and make it very clear that during that time you'll be recovering and establishing breastfeeding with your newborn and what you need is help with your toddler (who is also her grandchild, so she should be equally as pleased to be spending time with).

@HelterSkelter224

You do not sound like an entitled spoilt brat. What good is she coming round for the baby? Can you have an honest conversation?

Mum this is what I need, if you don't want to help with that then fair enough we don't need you to come. Like, you don't need help feeding the baby do you? You need help entertaining your toddler so you can feed your baby!

Your DH needs to step up, you can't be everything to everyone so DD might want you, but she's going to need to take daddy sometimes and she'll get used to it x

Tbh if this is her attitude with the baby, she might end up making it more difficult to establish breastfeeding

Thanks girls. Just feel very disappointed in her and the whole situation. I will have an honest conversation and depending on her reaction, that may include asking her not to come at all. That first week is vital and it's what I missed out on last time and what I put a lot of the struggles I had down to so it is so important I get it right. If breastfeeding doesn't work again or if I have the same struggles with PND at least if I have that time with my baby then I can tell myself I did everything I could to create the right environment for us.

You’re right, I'm so bad at trying to be all things to all people and I feel I just need to be selfish now and if that means putting some people's nose out of joint then so be it. I'll be having another word with my husband too and he can just deal with her.

Thanks girls for letting me rant xxx

Families eh!!!

Oh and @Lunamoon23 no family nearby on DH side either. My husband's mother brings a whole other set of problems 😂 tbh I have a good mind to just cut us off into a little family bubble just us four and the dog, it's not like we got any help with my eldest either!!

@HelterSkelter224 I think it was @MaybeBaby2024 that suggested other family members.. and it's very much like that's sometimes isn't it.
Me and DH are in a similar situation. His mum and dad are divorced and both live overseas with their new significant others, so no hands on help there. His siblings are all pretty self absorbed and you only ever hear from them when they need/want something. My dad is disabled and lives in a care home so, no outlet there. My grandparents are both in their 80's and although would help I don't like to ask. I do have my mum, who is fantastic, she's my best friend and a pilar of strength to me but she runs her own business and works in it full time so in conscious of leaning on her too much, although I know she'd happily do it and likely will without being asked. So it's very much me and DH and the dogs 😂 so right there with you... has your DH got a nice chunk of time off after baby is born? To be around to help you while you recover and give you the time you need to rest, recover and bond with baby?

But agree, sounds like a frank conversation needs to be had. And like you said, if that puts her nose out of joint then tough.. you and baby are what's important, not others wants or feelings. X

@HelterSkelter224 I’d be upset and annoyed as well, so completely valid in feeling this way.

It really bugs me when people are all about the baby and don’t worry about you, the person who has grown the baby for the last 9 months and gone through birth!

Hopefully, with a frank discussion, she realises and comes to help with the toddler.

Baby’s movements have stepped up a gear this evening and honestly feels like he’s about to escape from me. Can see body parts popping out etc, it’s crazy.

@Firsttimetrier mine is super active this evening too. She's always active, but it's like alien tonight.