September 2024 - Thread 8!

[SpicyMoth]

Continuation from thread 7 over here; https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5070517-september-2024-thread-7?page=40

Can't believe we filled the last thread up already feels like it wasn't even made that long ago, gosh time is absolutely flying by!!

@WinsandSam - I'll have to ask about CBT for sure, thanks so much for the recommendation - maybe I'll actually get some help seeing as I'm pregnant!

I've been trying to get mental health support for... Well to be honest since teen-hood and realising my daily crying was not in fact "just my period/puberty" as every doctor told me it was (all males ofc, typical 🙄) so I don't hold out much hope if I'm being honest.
I originally wanted to wait until my MH was sorted before ttc, but after over a decade I was running out of fertile time frankly, so here I am still with crazy anxiety and emotional dysregulation, but what can ya do?! 😅

Hi all. I feel like I need somewhere to vent sorry. Now at 33+5 days, and despite the extreme lack of sleep due to hip pain I have made myself work to ensure I’m not letting the team down. I had my risk assessment a couple of months back and my manager seemed understanding of me needing to take regular breaks and he knew I was struggling with lack of sleep as he asked about my wellbeing in one of sessions.

I had a pre-maternity review, and while it was positive about output and all my feedback requested was good, my manager referenced how long tasks are taking vs others in team which has affected my rating, despite this not being raised before the review to suggest a material concern for me to be aware and rectify, and not considering the detail I have done. I don’t know if it’s discrimination in pregnancy (probably not), but I just feel like, why bother?!

@Khanga27 oh that sounds awful are you able to email HR with concerns? And explain? To see if you can have it amended.
they should just be grateful you’re there- lots of pregnant ladies are off for long periods, look after yourself.

@longingtobe23 manager claims he co-ordinated with HR, however I raised a confidential concern with HR back in April when he was referencing me not doing overtime vs others when struggling with morning sickness, so am thinking of contacting them with my concerns (though in April I got a “sorry you are facing this” and an earlier risk assessment as our work doesn’t do a risk assessment without a MATB1 form normally, but nothing else). I dunno if it would change feedback or not, I’m thinking whether to seek advice outside of the company from maternity action/pregnant and screwed/ACAS, as some people have referenced in the past that HR tends to side with management on things.

@Khanga27 in administrative /HR terms MATB1 certificate is for the maternity leave not for the pregnant status as such!
This piece of paper is not available to you prior to 20 weeks anyway, it doesn’t get given out any earlier because a pregnancy is considered safely viable, as in there can be a delivery and good chances the baby will survive after 22W of gestation.

the Pregnancy risk assessment needs to take place as soon as you notify your workplace. There are in total 3 risk assessments that normally are carried out.
First-notification of pregnancy, for the time period while you’re working leading into Maternity leave. Then there’s one just before the Maternity leave and there’s one after you return from Maternity leave.
The one before maternity leave is the one carried out less often.
The two important ones are the one at the first notification of pregnancy and return to work post partum.
Does not matter what the company says “they do and they don’t as part of their policy” if you’re pregnant and the nature of the job requires you to have an immediate risk assessment they have to carry it out.
If circumstances in your pregnancy or in the workplace fall in a certain way you think you need a risk assessment to safely carry out your duty you have the right to request it and they have to provide it in one way or another. A conversation needs to be had because your pregnant status protects you by law.
In this particular situation I am not sure if this is discrimination, I think just your manager could be clueless, regardless if they are clueless is doesn’t matter what they compare or don’t compare you against, they cannot penalize you for being pregnant, overtime is literally not a requirement for anyone, even if they’re not pregnant.
When you’re pregnant technically you’re another version of you on the company’s books and your non pregnant version is “put in a waiting room” for when you’re not pregnant again. So your performance review when pregnant can happen, but is it as meaningful as one outside of pregnancy? Definitely not. They can’t do much with that, they can’t sack a pregnant woman just like that if you can prove they were aware you were pregnant at that time, even if they failed to carry out a risk assessment. The risk assessment actually protects the company more, if there is a legal matter in question and it’s found that the company knew you were pregnant and decided to not do a risk assessment and to do a performance review without it and manage you as if you were not pregnant then it is the company that is in trouble. Not you. Try not to overthink this, know your worth. 💜
I for example did my own risk assessment, I report into the directors so the higher you go the less managing actually happens to you.
So I literally did my own risk assessment, forwarded it to HR division myself. I am. It going to be doing one before I go (tomorrow is my last card) as I don’t deem it necessary but sure as hell I’ll do another one when I come back and there’s no one that will stop me from having those papers done. Even if there a director.

What’s everyone’s movements like? I swear some days she’s gonna burst out my belly and other days she’s so gentle with her movements that I’m drinking all the cold drinks and shaking my belly to move her. Doesn’t help with the anxiety.

Shes head down back against my belly kicking in, plus I have an anterior placenta.

Im 33+1 now and just feel that all movements should be hard by now. I’ve been checked for movements and she’s happy in there. But it’s so hard to know what’s normal ?

@Emmaev mine definitely vary, I guess maybe as he or I move around. I tend to think that as long as I can feel him regularly, things are good - I don't worry so much about if they are softer or stronger movements. But in general there's usually at least one portion of any given day where he's really kicking hard!

@Emmaev mine vary a lot too. Yesterday I was doing a lot physically (stripping wallpaper) and I had mostly faint movements. I could only really pick them out if I laid still on my side and I was getting a little bit anxious about whether to ring DAU to go in for monitoring - decided to leave it until this morning to make a decision. Today I'm back at my desk and baby has been moving and kicking so much I've actually felt a bit sick from it! I think as long as you're getting something, regardless of how strong, then that's fine. I'm anterior placenta too so think some movements are a bit muffled once baby changes position.

@Emmaev Posterior placenta and 32 and a half weeks in, mine are also not that strong I thought they were gonna be stronger and some days it varies. It’s like baby has moods.

Mine vary too!! I feel movements every evening she is active. But some days she is absolutely booting me and it feels like she is doing a full somersault/rotating! And other days it's more like gentle jolts/kicking.

I just think as long as I am feeling her every day, and especially in the evenings when she is most active. I haven't had a night where I have felt hardly anything at all thankfully but definitely softer gentler movements some nights!

I am going to ask tomorrow what position she is in if she is head down or not because alot of my movement is bottom of tummy/under bellybutton still!

Is dental x-ray okay in the third trimester?! Just been told I need my first ever filling and the dentist would prefer to do it ASAP, than have me wait until baby is here and I can arrange suitable childcare etc.

But she can’t do the filling without an x-ray. I’ve provisionally booked both for next Friday when I will be 31 weeks. Will ask the midwife when I see them this week, but they’re not my usual one and I am half-expecting them to not be able to access my notes again.

Has anyone purchased anything on Amazon today? I’m about to place an order but worried I’m missing some deals!

@HRP1990 i spent £200 🤣i had a baby wishlist set up already and was waiting for today in case some stuff were reduced (which they were). I got a baby bouncer, cold water steriliser, prep machine, nappy caddy, Moses basket mattress, snuzpod mattress, formula dispensing pots, gro egg and a pregnancy support belt. It will be like Xmas when it all gets delivered 😂 I noticed some good deals on mam bottles too, I’ve already got mine but just in case you were hunting.

What a good haul 😂 yes we already have the mam bottles from my first. Mine isn’t as exciting.. breast milk bags.. tens pads and a bed guard for my toddlers new bed lol

@HRP1990 good that you can reuse stuff though and save the money. We saved all the big stuff but with a 6 year age gap I didn’t keep all the little things from my eldest.

Thanks girls for your input. It’s so hard to know what’s normal and what needs to be reported. I feel her everyday but just at different strengths. As soon as I messaged earlier she booted me in the side and made me jump

@RosiePH ive had a dental xray this pregnancy when I had a tooth out, was around 30 weeks

@RosiePH i would think it would be absolutely fine as the x-ray won't go anywhere near the baby - different if it was abdominal. sorry about the filling, dentist work is never fun!

@Xur thanks. We had our risk assessment meeting before the MATB1 but work haven’t suggested another is required before maternity leave. My manager actually didn’t complete the form as part of our meeting either, instead he forwarded me an email summarising it so I had to put that in risk assessment document and forward it to HR myself.

My concern is the impact this will have to pay and bonus considerations. I contacted pregnant then screwed who said that efficiency to compare to others should not be used as a reason to downgrade someone’s performance when it’s directly impacted by pregnancy. I talked to my HR department today as well who were very sympathetic and sent me the grievance procedure, but advised me in the first instance to discuss informally with my manager. I don’t think I’ll get very far on that front and I don’t even know where I would start without getting upset in the conversation…?

@Khanga27 what type of salary do you have? Do you have base salary + %from target?
or do you have hard salary and annual bonus?
Anyway being pregnant is not a ground for reducing bonuses, because it’s a birthright we women have.
also if you don’t mind me asking what type of field does your company operate in?

Your Manager is definitely clueless it’s a shame someone like that gets to enjoy the benefits of being a manager and the title.
It is his job to lead that meeting and to take notes and to feedback the forms to the HR who then keep it on record. His job is also to action whatever was discussed in the meeting. Let’s say if it’s deemed you need reduced hours or lighter duties, it’s his job to put that in place. If h doesn’t even fill in the form and it just passes him in a form of email, what are the odds he will live up to anything written in there. It’s technically negligence in duty of care.

@xur I have a hard salary and then a % bonus which is based on individual
performance and company performance. I work in financial services.

Pregnancy is not grounds for reducing this type of bonus. The Bonuses do get decided over by the senior team, however if they reward you with a reduced one and cannot explain it, then you can ask why and if they don’t have a reasonable excuse you can question discrimination.

Normally how it comes about in practical terms-
Top Management of the company will decide on the total bonus pool for that period of time, based on an available resources. They will allocate total 100%in to certain teams. And then there the senior management in that specific area of business will decide on the bonuses to be issued based on x,y,z. It will anyway be ran past the CFO, the head of finance and HR. Head of finance will process it, CFO will likely sign it off before it’s executed and HR will keep it on record, as chances are there there might be notifications/letters involved.

@xur thanks. I think the issue is they’re arguing efficiency vs others (ie, tasks taking longer) as their reason for my current assessment despite the positive feedback I’ve had from those I’ve worked directly with. Pregnant then screwed suggested I reference that efficiency comparison should not be factored due to the direct impact pregnancy symptoms has on that.

I've ordered a green chair, if it's comfortable enough I might pop it in the nursery as nursing chair as there seems a lot of space unused in there - it was a bargain anyway but it had £17 off today so it'll go somewhere if not in there. Also ordered a new laptop battery but Ive had a shitter with work today and want to swat the bastard thing through the window after liaising with incompetent people all afternoon. Sorry, I digress! *counts to ten, slowly
Have you ordered anything?

@Khanga27 yes that’s why I mentioned earlier normally there’s two versions of you on the books-pregnant you and non pregnant you. Because pregnant you cannot be compared to others, because there is no means to evaluate an optimal performance for a pregnant individual as everyone’s experience is unique.
As A matter of comparison a few months ago someone at work who doesn’t like me and wanted me stripped of certain powers tried to argue that I cannot do my job correctly now that I am pregnant as I should be doing a reduced workload or that my judgement is impaired/clouded because of the pregnancy. Yes it was a man who argued it. Clear to say this notion was instantly blocked by my employing body with a response that it is entirely up for me to decide what I feel comfortable and capable to do whilst being pregnant and that the company has no right to impose restrictions on my power or workload without a reasonable medical excuse. No one else can measure your ability to perform in a pregnancy apart from own self because it’s an individual experience that varies from body to body.

Ah sorry you’ve have a shit day! When are you off on maternity leave? (If at all?) A nursing chair will come in so handy for night feeds especially! The only thing I could have done with first time around was a foot stool as I’m quite short lol.

Nothing remotely exciting! Breast milk bags, a bed guard for my daughter (she’s now in an actual bed as we needed her cot the baby🥹) and then I added these cute bookshelves last min! www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0BZTZ9C1L/ref=ox_sc_act_image_7?smid=A24S2OO7G4J3LD&psc=1

@HRP1990 yes!! Some new GHD straighteners 😂
But for baby related items- also a breast pump/milk catcher, milk bags, bogie sucker and long phone charger for hospital