IVF or am I being rash?

[FakeMiddleton]

Hi All,

Trying to keep this succinct and would welcome thoughts on whether to just go for IVF now or chill out

• I'm 37, partner is 39;
• trying for 4 months, timed to ovulation:
• I've got loads of follicles, textbook uterus and hormone levels etc:
• he has 2% morphology albeit 5x reference range of sperm. Doctor has said IUI would be pointless and if we did do IVF, would have to be ICSI:
• I really don't want a summer baby which means being pregnant no later than early Sept;
• I'm also struggling to cope at work especially every time my period shows up and we are comfortable financially for me to never come back after mat leave. I detest my job and the toxic culture won't be changing;
• we would like two kids so can't hang around too long to get pregnant with the second;
• paying for IVF will not be an issue;
• we would also do genetic testing in IVF so that somewhat combats the risk of miscarriage if I were to get pregnant naturally this summer

Partner would prefer to try naturally for 3 more months and if no joy, straight to IVF in January. But he is cognisant of my feelings and is happy to do iVF now if it's what I want.

So, I guess it boils down to: chances of getting pregnant next three cycles

I'm just so desperate for a baby

Ok, breathe. IVF is no picnic and you've only tried for 4 cycles. That's really not long at all. If you're 37 and really want a baby though I'm absolutely flummoxed that not wanting a summer baby would actually make you take a break in trying..that's bonkers.

Thank you for replying

It just feels like everyone is pregnant and everyone we know managed it in 1-4 cycles.

I just don't know how much more of work I can take. Everything feels like it's mounting on top of one another.

I would just worry that a summer baby would be disadvantaged for life from the off. I don't mean to be rude to summer babies, it's just something that's been drilled into me. Besides, even if it's a summer baby conceived naturally in eg October...I'm not sure I won't be an absolute state by then

If it takes an average couple a year to conceive, and his morphology is poor... how long is a piece of string to conceive in XYZ months

I guess I'm at a point a lot of us have been in: thought getting pregnant would be quite quick and then your realise how small ovulation window is, chemicals, 1/5 miscarriage risk etc etc

'I just don't know how much more of work I can take.'

I can assure you work is easier than IVF and what I see of my friends a damn lot easier than raiding children.

Take a breath op. By all means do IVF but avoiding work and not having a child born at the perfect time of year shouldn't be reasons to do it!!

Fwiw my first round of IVF - should it have gone well - wouldve meant the transfer would be an October baby. Allowing for the fact my womb wasn't playing ball it got transferred months later. And didn't work. So had to wait more months for the next one. And the second round was a bust. The third one I didn't even notice the timing. Honestly you won't give a shit about when the baby is born if it's successful. None of mine were btw. IVF isn't a guarantee.

Jeez, I'm a summer baby and I went to a top uni (with my grades I could have gone to Oxbridge but didn't) and have a successful career. Not trying to show off here, I hate that sort of thing, but just trying to give some perspective! Don't miss a month trying for the sake of worrying about having a summer baby. It's not a big deal especially if your worried about your age. I'm not saying IVF might not be a consideration in the future but I definitely agree with your husband. Do everything you can to conceive naturally now, healthy lifestyle and diet, minimise your stress sources, supplements etc, limit alcohol and caffeine, and then in January if still unsuccessful you can think again. But please don't stop trying in Sept if you really want a baby, that is mad really.

Also I do know how to use your/you're just type quickly. It's not because I'm a summer baby, honestly

PS I am sorry if I sound unsympathetic. I'm really not and I know TTC can make everyone go a little crazy. Sorry you're feeling so worried about it all.

Might the stress of work be having an impact on your fertility?

People get pregnant in war zones and famines. I honestly don't think stress makes a difference.

Op is your husband taking proxeed or impryl? Sperm is so easy to improve with some suppoemts and diet changes.

I think very little improves women's fertility/eggs unfortunately although of course there are a billion supplements you can take if you're so inclined. I was taking up to 80 tablets a day at one point.

Just to add to the good advice above, genetic testing isn't likely to be recommended in your case. It's not always accurate and the testing process can destroy the embryo. It's best for those who want to rule out specific conditions that run in their family, or those who have a history of miscarriage. Don't waste your money.

I have two kids and got pregnant at 36 (37 at birth) and 40 (40 at birth). Both times it took me over a year to get pregnant (well with the eldest I was pregnant sooner but miscarried).

perdobally I think it’s worth waiting - ivf sounds like a miracle solution and in many ways it is, but it isn’t always successful and some people spend a lot of money without the outcome they want.

I get that age is a factor but I'd give it some more time before jumping into IVF also your partner needs to work on fixing his morphology . Mine had less than 1% morphology but managed to turn it around to a normal range in 3 months. I fell pregnant after 2 years ttc just as we were starting IVF. Fab & Ell on YouTube have a video on what they took and did to conceive we followed that im convinced it's one of the reasons we concretely but as well as that my partner cut out coffee (he drank a lot of coffee daily) and cut out alcohol. We also removed any plastics that we could and replaced with metal so lunch boxes coffee cups etc .

I had completely lost my mind TTC by the 4 month mark so I completely get all the feelings you're having. I would have snatched someone's hand off for IVF. However over time I have learnt so much more about IVF from watching friends go through it and it really is not pleasant and is no guarantee. By all means go for that in a few months but for now I would just keep trying naturally.
I would focus on having a healthy and relaxed lifestyle as much as you can, including really good quality well researched supplements for you and your partner (him especially -can really help sperm! also make sure he's not sitting with laptop on his lap!)
And also you say that money is no concern, so why not just quit your job? If that is adding to stress and pressure and making you feel you need to hurry even more. Even if you just quit while you look for another job if you do want to work.

Finally I just wanna say I know loads of people do get pregnant between 1-3/4 months, (that's what I found aswell) a good number of people do have success naturally after say 6-9 months too. I know in my mind a long wait felt like it was a sign it was never going to happen but just to say for someone people it simply does just take a little longer and that's normal

You can't rely on getting pregnant as a way out of a life you are not happy with, make those changes now because you never know what the future holds. It took DH and I 12 years and 7 rounds of IVF from trying to being successful we could have done it in a shorter time frame but
1.it mentally and physically took so much out of us we had breaks to just try and enjoy a normal life/relationship

1. We couldn't afford to go for round after round without getting in to serious debt..

I know my case isn't the norm and the chances are you will be successful either naturally or within 1st 3 goes of IVF but it is not guaranteed so just be aware as it can become all consuming.

I'd start the process of finding a clinic etc now - even privately there can be long waiting lists and you could have a cycle or 2 of testing before they'll start an egg collection round and then full IVF can take several weeks. I went for mild IVF so started on my next period - 2 weeks of medication and then had egg collection. It did take me 5 rounds £40k and multiple losses failure and heartbreak to have success. It's by no means an easy or guaranteed route to pregnancy.

Having a baby isn't that simple. The one thing you cannot do is worry about timing. And IVF is not a nice process.

Forget about whether your baby is a summer baby or not. Mine was born in August and is on track for Cambridge. Why on earth would you imagine a summer born baby would be disadvantaged? If anything, it has benefited my ds. He was always in a rush to get started sooner 😀

I'd relax, stop rushing and just have lots of fun for 12 months, as most GPs will advise. If nothing happens, then be ready to go for IVF.

And incidentally, I had mine at 45.

What did the doctor say about the 2% morphology? Did they recommend that it was worth keeping trying naturally?

I want to offer a more positive story about the IVF process, and I a fully aware it is because it was quick and worked for my so completely appreciate my experience is not guaranteed for anyone. We did mild IVF with ICSI (as my husbands morphology was 2% too). We had been trying for 22 cycles but we were younger at the time so didn't feel time was a huge worry. Mild IvF meant less drugs for me and I genuinely found the process fine. It cost less than the horror stories I had heard (less than 4k including ICSI) and we now have three embryos frozen too so it took the pressure off conceiving number 2.
Coincidently, we are now pregnant with number two after just four months of trying which shows natural can work too with 2% morphology if you are lucky - we had no luck in the previous 22 cycles of natural trying.

Whatever you decide best of luck op!

I totally get the fear. We’ve been trying for 10 months, both 37, no issues on our checks other than I have one slightly polycystic ovary but I think we’re just panicking now about time and chances going down. I’m one of those people that either wanted 0 children or 3! Feeling the pressure so much, don’t want to rush in to ivf but equally don’t want to keep trying and getting hurt every month if it’s not going to work without some medical help. Can you try for 6 months then decide maybe?

Thanks for nobody having a bash at me. I just feel mental but also justifiably mental, if that makes sense.

It's really comforting to see others had the same thoughts.

They tell you all your life not to even hold hands with a boy because YOU WILL GET PREGNANT and then you actually get there and it's like "oh shit. Actually really fucking hard" and you start conceiving (ironic...) thoughts of "it's never going to happen. We're cursed"

This did make me laugh!

Just adding my youngest son is an August baby. He’s a graduate and flourishing in his job at a huge corporation. Wishing you luck x

Definitely stop worrying about the summer baby thing! Honestly that's a minor issue here! I think it would be worth trying for a few more months before you jump straight into IVF.

Honestly don't worry about the summer baby thing. I've got 2 summer babies and I cannot notice any difference between them and their peers. One of the brightest people I know is an Aug 31st baby and has recently finished her pHD. I work in fetal medicine and would highly recommend that you keep trying naturally for a bit longer. IVF can be gruelling, and the rate of congenital anomalies is higher in IVF babies so I would try and use it as a last resort.

Oh also I'm an August baby, was actually supposed to be born September but came 6 weeks early so you could say doubly disadvantaged, I did absolutely fine at school and have a good career. My nephew was born August 31st and is thriving at school, another year and he would probably be too far ahead of his peers.

summer babies are not disadvantaged in any way! (summer baby here, and mother of summer babies)

No offence but if you were that desperate for a baby you wouldn't care what month it is born.

My August IVF daughter is very bright!