IVF or am I being rash?

[FakeMiddleton]

Hi All,

Trying to keep this succinct and would welcome thoughts on whether to just go for IVF now or chill out

• I'm 37, partner is 39;
• trying for 4 months, timed to ovulation:
• I've got loads of follicles, textbook uterus and hormone levels etc:
• he has 2% morphology albeit 5x reference range of sperm. Doctor has said IUI would be pointless and if we did do IVF, would have to be ICSI:
• I really don't want a summer baby which means being pregnant no later than early Sept;
• I'm also struggling to cope at work especially every time my period shows up and we are comfortable financially for me to never come back after mat leave. I detest my job and the toxic culture won't be changing;
• we would like two kids so can't hang around too long to get pregnant with the second;
• paying for IVF will not be an issue;
• we would also do genetic testing in IVF so that somewhat combats the risk of miscarriage if I were to get pregnant naturally this summer

Partner would prefer to try naturally for 3 more months and if no joy, straight to IVF in January. But he is cognisant of my feelings and is happy to do iVF now if it's what I want.

So, I guess it boils down to: chances of getting pregnant next three cycles

I'm just so desperate for a baby

I am 38 and conceived on 7th month of trying, which I think was pretty bang on in terms of expectations for my age (like by that point I had a 60% chance of having conceived iirc). I know you're worried but four months really isn't long. IVF would have been a big investment for us tho so there is a difference there - but even if you can afford it, I would imagine there is plenty you could spend that money on when baby is here. It might be worth giving it a few more months!

With known sperm issues I'd probably give it 3 months then start the ball rolling with IVF. However (and this isn't intended to sound at all unkind!) I think you are perhaps a little unrealistic with wanting to time when the baby is born. There are so many variables with IVF. It took me 5 years to conceive, 2 years of which were spent doing 5 rounds of IVF before my (summer) baby arrived. I understand you may have a preference but quite honestly after all that I was just happy to finally have had a baby at all.

Hi, just want to say that I can sympathise with you and I was about to start IVF (after about a year of trying) and a few of the pros the Drs shared with me that may resonate as I’m also over 35

• if you want multiple children, you can do a round or two to bank embryos and freeze them, meaning that when it comes to child number two (hoping you have luck with number 1!) then you have younger embryos to work eith
• PGT-A / chromosomal testing is advised more in >35s and a tested embryo has c,60% chance of success (live birth), so can help prevent unnecessary transfers and miscarriage

That being said, IVF is by no means an easy option and there are no guarantees it will work. It has taken many of my younger friends about 6 months to concieve and other up to a year.

Ultimately it’s your body and your money so go for what feels right for you! c

I’m sorry that I haven’t had time to RTFT, but I just wanted to say that…

1. Four months is not long and doesn’t indicate any issues, but the morphology is a separate thing and I don’t know whether in the light of that ICSI improves your chances to a significant degree. Hopefully the clinic can give you some stats on that.
2. If money is not an issue, give up work before you begin IVF. I have no idea how anyone manages working full time and all the unpredictability of IVF appointments.
3. If you are recommended ICSI, ask if worth doing IMSI instead from the start.
4. Forget the summer baby thing if you can, you can potentially start them in education in the following academic year if you want, but it probably won’t be needed.
5. IVF is stressful for many reasons, but one thing you didn’t say if your friend had shared is the constant unpredictability. For example, you begin the cycle and you never know how you will respond at any given time. Every time you go for a follicle scan the news can be unexpected. Maybe the count is much lower than expected, maybe one is leading too much etc. Also how will your body respond to the drugs this time around? Then assuming you get to egg retrieval you then have to come round in the recovery room to be told how many they got, and then next morning wait to hear about what you have got. It can be a surprise, sometimes follicles are empty. On my first cycle we got somewhere between 12- 17 eggs I can’t remember, but by the next morning all were out of play. Some get destroyed in the process, some don’t fertilise, some aren’t mature. Assuming you have some still in the game you have to wait for further updates to see how they are developing and if any look likely to progress. If they do progress you can have to make some very quick decisions about when, what and how to transfer. Then of course the wait to see if any transferred embryo implants, or any frozen embryos survive the testing process. They are or should be constantly adjusting the plans based on how you are responding, when to up stims, when to give pre retrieval shots, when to take the eggs, when to transfer…make no plans! We literally had to set off to the clinic for a planned transfer and take a call in the car as to whether we should turn back if embryo hadn’t survived. Luckily it had and is currently in the lounge lol. But yes, it’s a rollercoaster.

I am currently pregnant. It is still early days so very aware that it could end but it took us 10months to get this baby!

OP that sounds really hard - I wonder if leaving your job might help? It sounds like it's a really stressful and horrible place to work and if you could take a few months out - that might help with conception. It's fairly anecdotal but I know a lot of people that quickly conceived after things got less stressful.
On the summer baby - it's completely understandable you want to give your child the best start, but other factors are much stronger predictors of how well your child will do - I think the biggest is mother's education level, which if you're an over achiever sounds like it might be quite high?
Best of luck

sorry But FGS you need to get over when a potential baby is born, it’s a bit ridiculous. 4 months is totally normal. IVF is gruelling, it should be a last resort. Maybe chill out a bit and enjoy trying, don’t obsess over stats etc. after having a miscarriage last year, the due date of a baby is the absolute lowest priority over having a healthy pregnancy and baby.

Oh, small thing but you said ‘partner’. Do not even consider being a stay at home parent without being married. You are totally at risk financially if you split.

@Peonies12 - no, he's definitely my husband.

@PelicanPopcorn - thanks, yes, I definitely think that if we delay IVF until Sept/Oct, I'll just quit work then. I'd already planned 2 x 2 weeks signed off if we go for it now (for the dosing up stage and then transfer). I agree - riding all this out, physically and mentally, whilst being "on" for work is likely too much. And when you don't need the money, I just know I'll snap at someone there and flounce if any of their shit starts.

@Rycbar - congratulations!

@Inyournewdress - thank you for your detail. No, she hadn't mentioned the seemingly daily updates of bad news. Naturally my two doctor appts have been positive sales pitch and the literature they give you hasn't been as upfront either. The spiel I got from the doctor was very much "loads of follicles, given your weight and that number, we'll have to be very careful on doses otherwise you will be hugely bloated" and a cursory "...and then we transfer! Well, assuming there's at least one good embryo"...so she had made it seem a bit "this will be super easy".

Does anyone have a clinic/doctor they recommend?

@Carlotta27 - thanks, did you try any other intervention procedures/drugs before IVF (/natural conception)?

I wouldn’t say seemingly daily bad news, but just lots of ups and downs.
Where are you based?

To be honest they don’t know until they have started how you will really respond. It’s possible given what you say that you will find it easier than many in that if the sperm is the issue then ICSI could be just what’s needed.

They should have provided you with stats showing the success rates for women your age. It’s only a rough guide obviously.

@FakeMiddleton Yes, I tried “medicate cycles” with letrozole to boost ovulation and extra progesterone (as my
body doesn’t produce enough naturally). I was able to concieve this way but appreciate that we also had “normal” sperm results so may not be as relevant to you!

I would wait til your 6th cycle and then jump in with the IVF. Morphology is poor at 2% but tbh the gold standard for sperm morphology is very strict. If they made a particular comment about the morphology small acrosomes etc then that would indicate ICSI over regular IVF. They can even (depending on how many eggs they collect) split and do 1/2 ICSI and 1/2 regular. Sounds like motility and count were good.

I wouldn’t bother with IUI , hehehe. OMG the number of times I’ve seen couples do IUI and they ended up finding out they had a condition that wasn’t ever going to make it work (eg blocked tubes or high antisperm antibodies) all because the specialist didn’t do a full work up on both of them prior to treatment.

I worked in Andrology & IVF and I went on later to have IVF myself at 36. Luckily I got pregnant after my first cycle and transfer. Just remember that the IVF process is usually streamlined but the outcome is very individual. Your first cycle is a guessing game for the doctor in how your body responds to the treatment, how many eggs are collected based on your drug regimen, how healthy the eggs are that are collected, what your fertilisation rate is etc.

In terms of time off I kept it a secret from work and only had 2 days off (day of egg collection and transfer day). I was lucky though in that the nurse checks/scans were done very early in the morning.

How can you compare having a summer baby with having a 1/5 chance of Downs? Whoever "ingrained" that in you was talking rubbish - summer babies are not disadvantaged in life. There are advantages and disadvantages to being born in any season, but nothing major, just little things, and I have always found being summer born has FAR more advantages than disadvantages

OP, I get it, but in the gentlest possible way, you are being absolutely ridiculous to consider IVF after such a short period. IVF is invasive and traumatic medical treatment, it involves pumping yourself with hormones and culminates in somebody putting needles through your cervix and INTO YOUR OVARIES.

I am saying this from the perspective of someone who has been having fertility treatment for a couple of years.

Complications include ovarian hyperstimulation, which is not as rare as clinics will have you believe (I've had it twice and am in my mid 30's and otherwise healthy - our issue is male factor - I also have a friend who's had it twice). I ended up in A&E with it both times. Again - I don't even have any fertility problems myself.

IVF is not fun, and not something to choose on a whim.

It's a complete luxury to choose whether or not you have a summer baby and that is not a reason to put yourself through such an invasive medical procedure.

I'd pick a clinic and start the tests,nothing stopping you trying in-between times.

I went the nhs route,first appointment June 2023 didn't start my down regulation until March 2024.

Theres tests have to be completed on certain days of your period,in my case months passed that were "wasted" as no appointment available on the day I needed it etc.

If you aren't reading it starts with an egg,worth a read too. Good luck to you both

Also I don't understand the summer baby issue? I don't live in England though so maybe our schools run different? The oldest child in the year here in North Ireland is born in July. The youngest June.

School starts in September here so a child born in June/July/August will be the youngest in class (although August children can sometimes be held back a year).

But as I said above, I'm utterly baffled that OP is considering putting herself through such an invasive medical procedure for this reason.

I think a lot of people are naive about what IVF actually entails, and looking from the other side of it, I think it's absolute madness to choose it after only trying for 4 months.

I've gone through IVF and find it absolutely wild that anyone would consider an invasive medical treatment with risks to mum and baby because they don't want a summer baby. And then proceed to compare it to having a baby with a genetic disorder. Just wow.

I think I posted earlier but maybe not!

You can now delay this a summer now child can be in the oldest in the class the following year.

I’m also confused as to why someone who risk their own health and that of their child’s when this is an option.

@Sunnysummer24 innocent question is as I genuinely don't know but I'm wondering how it risks the life of the child?

My baby was born at the end of august. He is now a GP and has never struggled.
It depends on the child

IVF pregnancies are higher risk of complication for various reasons.

From personal experience I can attest to the impact it has on a woman's body, and if there's an impact on mum's body then baby is at risk of being affected too.

It took me over a year to recover from IVF and to be honest my body and menstrual cycle are still not quite what they were before I had IVF. I think it has caused some irreversible changes to my body (hence thinking OP is absolutely mad to consider it for the sake of a few extra months trying or not having a summer baby).

I used to not want a summer baby after my first being an Aug born .

well Mother Nature and 6 miscarriages later soon changed that . My 2nd was conceived after my 6th loss and is a July baby and like others have said I couldn't care less.

as you are mid to late thirties I wouldn't take any breaks , Oct / Nov could be the month you release a golden egg. At this age prob around half of our eggs aren't viable anyway . Ttc is a bit like Russian roulette , well it was for me anyway.

good luck 🤞🏻

I meant to say high risk of disability but according to this quote from NHS website I may not have been wrong with my first comment.

Your babies are also more likely to be born prematurely or with a low birth weight, and are at an increased risk of developing life-threatening complications such as newborn respiratory distress syndrome (NRDS) or long-term disabilities, such as cerebral palsy.