IVF or am I being rash?

[FakeMiddleton]

Hi All,

Trying to keep this succinct and would welcome thoughts on whether to just go for IVF now or chill out

• I'm 37, partner is 39;
• trying for 4 months, timed to ovulation:
• I've got loads of follicles, textbook uterus and hormone levels etc:
• he has 2% morphology albeit 5x reference range of sperm. Doctor has said IUI would be pointless and if we did do IVF, would have to be ICSI:
• I really don't want a summer baby which means being pregnant no later than early Sept;
• I'm also struggling to cope at work especially every time my period shows up and we are comfortable financially for me to never come back after mat leave. I detest my job and the toxic culture won't be changing;
• we would like two kids so can't hang around too long to get pregnant with the second;
• paying for IVF will not be an issue;
• we would also do genetic testing in IVF so that somewhat combats the risk of miscarriage if I were to get pregnant naturally this summer

Partner would prefer to try naturally for 3 more months and if no joy, straight to IVF in January. But he is cognisant of my feelings and is happy to do iVF now if it's what I want.

So, I guess it boils down to: chances of getting pregnant next three cycles

I'm just so desperate for a baby

@FakeMiddleton
Just to chime in on the 2% morphology, my DH had the same and our consultant was not bothered by this in the slightest.
He also recommended DH took supplements.

I've no idea if this would work for you, but rather than go for IVF after 14 months of trying, I took clomid tablets. Even though I ovulate without issue, the theory was it would give me an extra chance of natural pregnancy.

Fell pregnant the 2nd cycle of that.

I was planning on giving it 4 months and then IVF if it didn't work.

Best of luck, TTC is a complete and total mind fuck xxx

@BingAndTing - thanks, I'll ask about drugs I can take too.

@Louise0808 - I'm so sorry. Your journey sounds horrific. You must have had a very high reserve! They counted 33 antral follicles and AMH of 44 and nobody batted an eyelid at IVF next month

Weird. I had an high AHM and was allowed to do IVF. I just had to be stimulated slowly and needed a freeze all for the first round on day one and frozen transfer later. Second cycle with an even higher number of eggs collected I managed to get a fresh transfers with other blastocysts frozen. I have PCO. I did use inofolic which helped with the quality of my eggs and maybe reduced the risk of OHSS.

Unless you have been advised by a medical professional that you cannot conceive naturally, I would strongly recommend you try longer than 4 months. I’m surprised any clinic would even offer it to you otherwise. The IVF process is physically and emotionally gruelling, and it can also take a long time, so it’s not like you pay your money and you’re pregnant immediately.
You seem like you’re the sort of person who likes to be in control (me too!) - no summer babies, jumping into IVF because things aren’t happening to your timeline - but if I can give you any advice it’s that accepting that you can’t control everything will make TTC a lot more tolerable. I’m nearly 2 years in and sore and tender after another egg collection - my original timetables and plans have gone out the window and I’m ok with that - in fact it’s a bit embarrassing to remember all my pointless planning at the start. To be honest I feel like I will be a better mother for being able to let go a bit. If and when a baby gets here, it will feel like we were just waiting for the right one.

It was a combination of things tbh. I was terrified of needles and blood, so the constant barrage of injections/bloods/dildo cam was very invasive and left me feeling like a piece of meat.

We discovered during ivf that I had low ovarian reserve at 31 so I felt deeply ashamed of my inability to be a ‘woman’.

I suppose it raised some ethical questions for me as well because I felt like I was messing with nature although obviously still proceeded.

The crazy hormone ride, counting down the days until I finished injections only to find out that my body hadn’t performed as expected so had to do more, that I only managed 6 eggs of which 4 fertilised etc. I’d been through hell and my odds weren’t exactly great.

I then felt horrifically guilty when I managed to fall pregnant because not everyone is as lucky.

From what I’ve read on here and seen irl most women seemingly don’t have the same reaction to it, but I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy if I had one!

lol at "dildo cam" though

If it’s such a massive thing of concern for you getting pregnant, then that conflicts with the summer baby comments. 4 months is a minute amount of time so yeah l do find it odd when people start freaking out. It can take a year or even be a bit more and that’s perfectly normal. A lot of people perceive IVF as a dead cert. When in reality the stats for most people aren’t great and it’s very much a luck thing -clinics rarely know how they have made it work for someone. You are asking for people’s opinion, as someone who has more experience of fertility issues and IVF than most people then lm giving my opinions. It’s not my fault if you don’t like my answers

Yes, bang on with the "in control" and my therapist says the same as you do as this being the ultimate learning exercise, would lead to being a better mother etc, patience

Not to brag, but I'm an over-achiever...and pregnancy is not a meritocracy. It more dumb luck. It's a shit lesson of life.

There's also nothing "wrong" with me, so it's an extra slap of "well, YOU can be as primed and Grade A student as you like. Someone else in the mix is on your team and you take their "losses" on too"

@TruthorDie - I never said I don't like your answers. I don't like your dismissive tone when it comes to other people's feelings.

I feel shit enough as it is. Don't need someone telling me I don't have "real fertility issues". Kinder ways to have said that. But, by all means, argue with me a bit more. Gonna make both of us feel fucking great.

@TruthorDie - if you find my feelings a bit odd, then it's bizarre you have loads of experience with in/fertility issues. Plenty of women, most on this thread, said they lost their minds TTC (one other also at 4 months).

It's not up to you to disparage someone's feelings. You've given your opinion not to rush into IVF. Thanks. Appreciate you leaving it there.

If you are in England then summer babies needn't be an issue as you can defer starting school for a year.

I think you may benefit from counselling to help you through whatever comes in the next year.

I would be worried about having an IVF doctor who essentially felt they could promise a pregnancy in a given time frame.

Some points I’d like to make:

1. Sperm morphology isn’t predictive of fertility except in extreme examples, so 2% when he has an above average count/motility won’t affect your chances of natural conception.
2. Four months is no time at all, give it some more time. If you haven’t conceived naturally by September then start IVF with the intention of freezing all your embryos and implanting them when you’re ready.
3. Genetic testing has its pros & cons. If you were to do it then the embryos will be frozen until the test results come back anyway. I would be looking carefully at the number of genetic testing cycles the clinic does & how well established they are at it. You might find that the number of cycles they do are very small and choose somewhere with more experience.
4. If you can afford to leave your job, then don’t wait until you’re pregnant. Find something else, even if it’s lower paid! Yes, women get pregnant in famines & war zones but they also get pregnant whilst using contraception and no one is going to suggest you keep on with that!
5. Having had a lot of IVF, I didn’t find it that bad physically. Emotionally, you end up with it taking over your life. Injections, scans, procedures & then the hideous wait to see if it’s worked. Trying not to get your hopes up too much and acting ‘normal’ at work.

Finally, having a say over when you conceive is the only positive about IVF. If you said you were going to wait because you were planning a wedding or had a trip to Australia booked then no one would bat an eyelid.

My levels were 78 i believe. I'd have to find my results but I'm sure they were 78. Because I didn't understand what that actually meant until looking it up.i thought more would have been a good thing. I was tested for pcos because they said thats the main cause but i was negative. Which was surprising as alot of family members have it. I can only go by my own experience and I was told point blank no. I did research a "gentle ivf" option which is designed for women with pcos who have a higher risk of over reacting to the treatment. Which is what we were eventually going to do private. I cant say we got alot of help. We had blood tests and sperm analysis done. Waited a year for a scan on my uterus and a year to finally get in with gynaecology. And I was told take a higher amount of vitamin c and folic acid. We actually reached out to a homeopathy fertility specialist. We wanted to try everything if im honest. We did some detoxes and changed our diets, stopped trying for a few months whilst we did all of that and then it happened when we weren't actively trying. It was a roller coaster of emotions and heartache along the way. I'm still an anxious mess now at 21 weeks. But if I was given the option of more help and say ivf was suitable and had a higher success rate ( its not as high as I think we're led to believe) I would have done it.

It took us four years to get IVF. We had to be trying for three before they would consider giving me clomid which obviously didn't work and then we were offered NHS funded IVF. By that time it was nearly four years. Not many do IVF after four months unless you have no fallopian tubes, definitely no sperm etc.

With your ages and dh's morphology issues, id go straight to IVF. My DH had motility issues, a friend of mike's DH had morphology issues. ICSI brought us our first boy on our first try. My friend did three rounds of ivf and never got her baby. It's just not something I'd risk. Especially if you want two.

Mine was 68. Our main problem was although there were plenty of eggs most of the embryos were not good quality and had a big fall off in numbers. You might be in a different area maybe. It was a few years ago now!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Surprised you didn't get much help. Did you not qualify for IVF on the NHS?

@Shelby2010 - that's super helpful and kind, thank you.

I am starting to wonder about this clinic - it's Harley St Fertility Clinic.

The keeping up appearances at work is so true. The other week I got my period and felt it come out just as some guy phoned me to ask the same asinine question for the third time and I nearly lost it at him. Comforting to know others are/were the same boat and I'm not alone. Thank you

@WithACatLikeTread I'm down south of England near Cornwall. Not sure if anywhere else is more helpful then here. I think because we were getting caught there was less help for us. It was more wait for the good egg type thing. They rarely do genetic testing now on recurrent miscarraiges as it only effects 1% of couples and 70% of us do go on to have successful pregnancies, so perhaps they see it as wasted funding. I know they do it through ivf but wouldn't have funded ours to be tested if we were trying naturally. On the nhs we werent offered anything but the blood tests, scans and sperm analysis. Everything else we would have had to pay for privately. It was a rollercoaster and I think we can all agree the TTC journey is hard.

OP Pregnancy isn’t an experience you can be in control of, from conception to motherhood. It took us five plus years to have our first (trying in our twenties), including failed IVF medication (only) cycles. I thought that getting pregnant would be the hardest part. Then I fell, I lost that pregnancy at 16 weeks and the next at 18ish. When I had my DC1 the time of year really no longer mattered I was thrilled she was healthy and here. Massive luck and DC2 arrived a year later and I’m typing feeding DC3 (albeit I’ve had 10+ pregnancy losses to get here). So technically when others see me I “present to the world” as if I’ve a “planned” 1.5-2.5 year age gap family. The journey to get here is hidden.

People aren’t intending to be mean…but there isn’t a perfect way to do this. The things I couldn’t have predicted about having a baby - hyperemisis (losing 2+ stone each pregnancy, balancing work and hospital, particularly shit when I survived it and still lost the pregnancy). One baba being NICU. Three emergency c sections (again birth is entirely unpredictable).

I wouldn’t change my family for the world, but I’ve been so glad that I’ve been able to control my anxiety over the last ten years. As you are right - it is a head F of a time and an emotional rollercoaster.

For what it’s worth/context: All evidence shows there’s nothing “wrong” with me or my DH in terms of fertility. OR anything that links our losses. Hence - the empathizing with the lack of control part. I FELT broken. Responsible. Wondered what I’d done wrong and researched HOW to “get it right” so often. I tracked the data. Until I realized there was no pattern. Ultimately it was therapy that helped me process, and get on with building a life, alongside trying to TTC. That was life changing for me.

If money is no object - then try IVF but please be kind to yourself, it’s not an easy route. It’s physically and emotionally demanding. The hormone cycles are intense. It was challenging for my relationship too. Remember clinics for private IVF are selling a service. Read critically behind the statistics.

My sense in reading other people’s comments on here is not that they are trying to shatter your dream, but to highlight how hard it is (both at this point and beyond).

Sometimes the solution isn’t “this will all go away when I get pregnant” (as I first thought when much younger and TTC wasn’t happening). It’s likely going to be tougher than that. And so, thinking about how you/family/therapy can support yourself in that is also important.

Normally once 35 Drs will say to get investigation after 6 months of trying.
Has your partner tried to use Ubiqunal CoQ10 the boavilable form, and Maca root? They are all things a natural fertility specialist will say to try.
It can take 3 months for the affects but could help with IVF snd the success of that.

In regards to people saying it took 1-4 cycles to conceive. A lot of peoppe say that but is not true. So ignore those comments.

I am 37 and due my 2nd this summer. And I plan to TTC more kids. I am not panicking over it but know time is not on my side.

My friend did ICSI after 7yrs TTC in her 20's it was due to her partners sperm quality. It worked first time for them.

If you can afford it why not g at the process startesd now.

You can now defer summer babies. My summer baby will be starting reception in September just after she turns 5 in July.

I'm currently 35 weeks with an IVF baby. We had unexplained infertility. Tried for 2 years before starting IVF.

It's not an easy journey but totally understand your feeling to get things started, given your age and if you have the money available to go private.

I think it's totally reasonable to go for it straight away. The drugs aren't easy, everyone reacts differently and needs different levels. Personally our first attempt failed before egg collection and we had to try again with the max medication, which in the end, we got 3 embryos (2 good, 1 poor). We didn't do any testing on them as it risks losing healthy embryos.

The best quality was transferred "fresh" and failed. The second (poor quality) didn't survive defrost, and the last I'm 35 weeks with! So thankfully a good story so far 😁 but it has been far from easy. With any fertility problems (unexplained or not) you have a whole journey before actual pregnancy..

Also, while you're going through IVF treatment there are plenty of cycles where you can't try "naturally", keep in mind, if IVF doesn't work, you might feel like you've "missed" chances on these cycles..

Also - get started with the impryl and proxeed supplements. They may not make a huge difference, but they take a while to work, and it's worth it if they do make even a small difference..

My odd comment was about the 4 months thing, not your feelings in general. NICE guidelines for fertility issues say trying for 6 or 12 months depending on the age of the woman. They come from evidence based research. As others have said l would doubt the ethics and credibility of a clinic who urge IVF ASAP in this situation and any who act like a baby is a dead cert

OP, you mentioned that your partner is sporty. Does he cycle? That can have a significant impact on sperm quality. You also need to work on your stress levels as it causes a prolactin rise which again affects fertility.

I would question the ethics of a clinic willing to treat you so quickly.
If I were you, I would allow myself a year in which to ttc naturally. By all means u can do some prep work with a clinic over that time. Book yourselves a couple of special holidays that u won't be able to do post kids. Work on DPs sperm quality. Forget about deadlines / ideal dates to conceive etc. It may be a preference, but when you are 50 and look back at this time, if your few 'good eggs' were released at a time when u were avoiding a summer baby, the you would end up kicking yourself.