Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

I'm doing good. Finally got home at 28 weeks and have had another couple of bleeds since then (one where contractions were showing on the CTG so that was a worry! Settled down though so I'm thinking they were braxton hicks) but resting as much as possible and hoping to cling on for another month at least!

As soon as there's one thing to worry about you start to think everything else that can go wrong will! Glad you're being monitored, remember that it's easy for them to find other small things that will worry you - if you weren't being monitored those things would never be picked up and likely never turn into anything anyway (like my braxton hicks that nearly got me sent to another hospital again!).

I couldn’t wait… I took a clear blue test this afternoon and it’s come back negative.

was I really seeing things or should I be waiting longer between tests and not use clear blue ones?

hate this inbetween stage!!!

Hey Ladies, hope you’re all okay!

Just dropping by for a little anxiety vent. I’m 12 weeks and have my NHS scan on Monday which is the day before my birthday. I’m so riddled with anxiety it’s unreal. I’m trying to stay positive as we saw baby at 9 weeks at an EPU ultrasound, wiggling about with a strong heartbeat. I’m aware the odds are more in our favour after seeing positive signs at that stage but I can’t help worry something has gone wrong since, after having a MMC earlier this year (found at at 9 weeks).

On my side of the family only my parents know, but I’m due to go out with the rest of my close family on Sunday for an early birthday celebration. I feel like I want to tell them but I’m stupidly worried about doing so before my scan! They were all so supportive last time and care deeply for my partner and I, so I feel like I should tell them so they can enjoy the news. Same goes for my closest friends, I’ll be seeing them all this weekend too and there’ll definitely be questions as to why I’m not drinking and I also have an obvious little pot belly going on 🥹

I don’t expect anyone to have answers but I know you’ll all understand my feelings! It’s so helpful having you ladies on hand 💖

@LER2023 were either of them early detect ones? Might be that the sensitivity differs maybe. When are you due on? Can you hold out until then? I had cheapy internet early detect ones which were good (picked up this pregnancy at 9dpo) but also I could drive myself mad continually doing tests and examining them under lamps some months. Urgh. Sending you positive vibes lovely xx

@DogMom62 bless you, a few of us definitely know that anxiety before the 12 week scan, even when you've had an earlier positive scan experience! The days will pass and you will get there, but I know the time can go painfully slow. I told a couple of people before 12 weeks but tried to be quite blasé about it to avoid questions, then told me people after 12/14 weeks. But it's such a personal thing re who to share with and when. At least you're busy this weekend which will hopefully make the time pass more quickly! Sending luck and thoughts for Monday xx

Due on Sunday, but no current signs of AF coming really where as I usually get some kind of sign that I’m coming on, spotty is one of them!
and I haven’t got any spots or anything I just feel tired lol I don’t know what’s happening, I can’t remember whether the clear blue was an early detection one.
but it was the only one I could buy from the shop, they weren’t selling any other ones!🙄
which is a pain, I’d rather have the cheap ones that I know are going to work eg. Tesco’s own brand.
but definitely not the Morrisons ones again!!

I'm so worried. I had my scan yesterday. 6 weeks 2 days. Baby was there, good heartbeat

For the past two weeks I've been vomiting each morning, nausea very bad. Yesterday was no different.

Today nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm so worried the baby is gone. Surely I wouldn't just wake up feeling fine.

It's so difficult and we can all absolutely relate! In your situation, if they are all people who care and are supportive (and who you'd likely share any news with whether good or bad) I might go with something along the lines of:

"So, you may notice I'm not drinking tonight... It is what you think but the timing is slightly off as I was hoping to share with you tomorrow after my - hopefully positive - 12 wk scan... As it is, I'm feeling extremely nervous, especially after last time. I'd appreciate if you could hold off on the congratulations until we've seen how things go tomorrow."

Maybe just say something along similar lines to people individually/if they comment about you not drinking, rather than a big announcement to everyone. For what it's worth, the odds really are in your favour. And I know that's a bit meaningless when you've fallen foul of them before but it really is most likely that everything will be fine this time so try to hold on to that 💗

@LER2023 sorry you're in limbo. Hope you get a nice clear (hopefully positive!) result on Sunday. X

@Ella31 symptoms can come and go. Hope yours return soon to reassure you a little, although from personal experience unfortunately the high and reassurance of a positive scan and even symptoms don't last long in the first trimester. You just have to plod on day by day hoping and believing in the best until proven otherwise. Do you have any more appointments booked in ahead of 12wk scan? You've got this, keep going 💗

Hi Ladies,

I have just got my bfp, first cycle after my MMC in July. I'm still in disbelief and denial. So happy but also extremely anxious and nervous.

My MMC was confirmed during my first ultrasound at 9+1. I was measuring 9 weeks so heartbeat most likely stopped in the days before. I haven't had the courage to call my consultant just yet but she said she would see me at 7 weeks next time round, with further scans every week/2 weeks. I'm 4+2 now, so still have about 3 weeks until a first scan. It would be amazing to see a heartbeat this time round but I'm not sure it will give me much comfort until I see it after the 9 week mark.

Any tips to curb the anxiety of pregnancy after loss? Hope everyone is doing OK!

Hey ladies!

Just wanted to share that I had a very successful 12 week scan! Brought my due date forward by a couple of days to 20th March 🌸 baby did not like being prodded with the ultrasound probe and performed many forward rolls and flips - may have the next Team GB gymnastics gold medalist! But we got a little thumbs up, a picture of their foot and them also doing the downward dog pose! The sonographer did say it was a feisty baby 😂

I know you can’t see the nub but I’m just getting boy vibes!

Congrats @DogMom62...what a lovely scan picture 😍.

@DogMom62 Congrats!! I also had a scan today- 20 weeks. All looked good, I'm finally starting to relax a little bit ❤️

Honestly... Just one day at a time, sometimes just one hour at a time.

I took to resting as much as possible, and finding little hobbies like colouring, drawing even gaming a little. Trying to keep my mind busy.. But it was HARD.

Sending you strength xx

Such good news! Congratulations!

Hope everyone's well, I've just been keeping my head down and struggling with gestational diabetes I can't wait to eat carbs lol.
How is everyone's midwife's? I'm 26 weeks now but haven't really got a proppa midwife, if I need to speak to someone I have to phone the birthing centre and then if I get through it's to a different midwife everytime who I don't know. I phoned the other day because baby's movements are not getting stronger and she just said oh it's fine your still early :/ feel like I'm alone in this pregnancy, just want baby here safe with me .

@Ella31, I’m thinking of you too and likewise you can always rant away to me!

I know having no symptoms can be a worry. I’ve gone from feeling nauseous, bloated and sore boobs to none. The sore boobs have come back again after two weeks of nothing. It’s often a surge in hormones, and most information out there is that it’s normal to go without days or weeks of symptoms. How have you been feeling lately?

Our early pregnancy scan has given us some reassurance at this stage that baby bean is there and there is a heartbeat. Initially, was scared when sonographer found the gestational sac but couldn’t see baby, thought of the worst case scenario that either it was empty or ectopic. I had an internal scan and baby bean popped up clearly. We’re 5w 5days, a week less than we predicted (thought I was 7 weeks) but that’s normal to overestimate. It means we’d be due in May. I feel each scan is going to be hard to watch on the screen without thinking of the worst possible scenario. Thinking back to my first pregnancy, I was slightly anxious about seeing baby at 12 weeks but he was perfectly fine then, so I was excited at the 20 week scan where they found an issue with the placenta and it wasn’t doing its job.

Thinking of us all, hope we can all be gentle with ourselves in other ways in spite of the anxieties we’re going through.

@Mamaxo That's tough that it's a different midwife each time, I had this in my last pregnancy and it wasn't great to reassurance. I now have a named midwife and it's so nice, but we're moving so I'm going to lose her which sucks! Frustrating they aren't taking reduced movements seriously, they should have you in for monitoring, definitely push for that if you feel they are still reduced. I'm 20 weeks now and had a good scan so feeling slightly more relaxed, now looking forward to 24+ weeks and viability. I've been awake since 3.30am, baby has been wriggling almost non stop which is lovely but didn't help with sleep 😂 Hope everyone else is doing well, what a journey we're all on xx

Hi everyone, so glad I've found this thread, feel like I'm going slightly mad already!

I'm 4+2, found out yesterday. Have had three previous losses, two of them chemical and one at 7 weeks. Been ttc for five years including IVF so feeling a bit all over the place right now! Have an appointment with my IVF clinic in a couple of days to hopefully get some support/progesterone.

Loved @OnNaturesCourse idea to do some colouring and am going to order a book! Is there anything else people have found helpful?

@localbunny welcome to the thread, and tentative congratulations on your new pregnancy. Hopefully the IVF clinic will be an extra hand to hold as well. The first few days and weeks can be a roller coaster and the days can be deceivingly long!! As best you can try to take it a moment at a time. I found keeping busy at work and having chilled catch ups with friends helpful. But it's a hard wait. I guess if you're under a clinic you'll have some milestones to work towards, like scan at 6 weeks?

I've had 3 miscarriages in total (1 mmc, then DS1, followed by 1 spontaneous mc and 1 mmc), I'm now 35 weeks with DS2. It's a hard journey, but there are lots of positive longer term stories on this thread. I hope this time will be yours 🙏

Thank you so much for the kind words and wishes ❤️ I really appreciate it. Will definitely be having a scan at six weeks. My last six week scan I was measuring behind already, so I think getting a good result there will really help but... even waiting two weeks seems mad right now! Distracting myself with comfort tv and good idea to get some dates in to see friends/pass the time quicker.

Wishing you all the best for your last few weeks with DS2 ❤️

@Hopingrae 😁😁 35 weeks how did that happen!!! Time has honestly gone so quick it feels (for me anyways!!)

I’ve taken a step back from everything. Peeing on sticks, taking vitamins(not taken a single one after taking them all) and mumsnet. I’m eating wheat having caffeine and this month I have just lived my life. It would have been my due date next week and I can’t help but think how incredibly pregnant I should be right now. 🥲🙃

Im still manifesting, jumping on here to tell you I’m back.

huge rainbow love to every single one of you

Sending big hugs @Nic2908. I remember actually finding it quite liberating to get past my due date. It had been such a big poignant marker in my life for so long that it felt good to finally get to it and get past it. It somehow liberated another layer of grief I think. I hope you are able to get through the day ok 💗 I'm really glad that you are finding space to enjoy living a bit without the all consuming ttc stuff too. Huge rainbow love to you too and here's hoping for good things in your near future 🙏🏼🌈

@localbunny congratulations! Those early days sure are hard. Try to focus on one moment at a time and gradually it all creeps forwards. @Hopingrae has said it well! If you read back through this and the previous thread, there are probably lots of random ideas (and just reading through it all will also help distract you/keep you busy somewhat too!!).

One thing that helped me and I think some of the others, was just reaching a point of being a bit fatalistic and also trying to enjoy the pregnancy for as long as it lasted. Whenever I felt overly anxious, I reminded myself that the pregnancy was already in motion and was either viable or not. It was already determined whether this little one would be one I would get to take home or not. And until I knew either way, I wanted to try and enjoy every moment with that little one for as long as it was with me. From my previous 3 losses I already knew that the grief of loss would hit whatever I did to try and minimise it, so I might as well embrace it and enjoy it as much as possible. Sometimes definitely easier than others and I definitely had my wobbles and panics!! But day to day, that kind of thinking was really helpful to me, so maybe it will for you too!

Finally, allow yourself to feel inspired and hopeful from the stories of hope all around. I'm one of the lucky ones now holding my 2 month old after a very sad and stressful year last year and a bit of a tough pregnancy too. I still have no idea what caused my losses. I had a MMC at 11wks (stopped developing at 7+5), a CP at 4+5, and a loss/pregnancy of unknown location at 7wks all within 6 months. I then conceived this little one on the next cycle and no rhyme or reason why this one worked. He was obviously just meant to be. So it is perfectly possible to experience recurring loss and then to get your little miracle. 💗

@Traitors2024 how are you getting on? Xx

Hi @SnookyPook!

It's been a rollercoaster... I got home at 28weeks but started having tightenings around 32 weeks, was sent to a hospital 3 hours away due to capacity issues in neonatal then baby boy was born on 2 weeks ago at 32+1 - he was 5lb2oz so a decent weight. He's doing great and just needs tube fed till he's able to breastfeed, hopefully just another week or 2! Got transferred to our local hospital today thankfully!

Waiting for a labour debrief with the consultant because there was placental abruption in the moment he was born which likely explains the bleeding.

He's a miracle baby and we couldn't feel more blessed!

How's your wee boy doing?

@traitors24 oh wow, what a roller coaster you've been on!! But so so pleased that your precious little boy arrived safely, sending many congratulations your way. I hope you're all being well looked after at your local hospital, one step closer to home! Hope you don't have to wait too much longer to get back there.

@nic2908 time has gone fast this year, you're right... but only feels like i can say that now, it didn't feel like that a little while ago! Sounds like a great plan to give yourself a break from all the ties you've had, hope you're feeling ok for it. When I conceived this one I'd been drinking and eating all sorts. I just thought I don't believe it can do more harm after the road I'd travelled! It was quite freeing. I second what @snookypook said about passing due date. It's very sad but also something freeing in it too. Like that milestone has passed and you can keep going forward. Sending love to you, it's such a tough journey. Sending all the positive vibes you're way xx

@Traitors2024 Wow, what a few weeks you've had! So glad he seems strong and will hopefully be able to go home soon. Are you recovering okay? Amazing for you to have your little boy here already, congratulations 💕