Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

I wasn’t offered reassurance scans after our miscarriage. We just paid privately at 7 weeks for an early scan and then waited for the 12 week one. There’s no harm is speaking to your EPU and seeing if they would scan you? I’m not sure if these services vary trust to trust x

I’ve never been offered a reassurance scan, I’ve always been told to go private if I want one as the nhs won’t do it.
im now on my 3rd loss and they’ve said they will book me in for a midwife appointment asap and then book me in for a scan at 6 weeks, due to 3 previous losses just because I had a go at the gp telling them there was no support even after loss.
so they said they would accommodate for me because I’ve had 3 losses around the same stages in pregnancy.

bit shit that they’ll only do something after 3 losses.

what’s everyone’s thoughts on the waiting time for private appointments at the recurring miscarriage clinic because I’m possibly going to wait until November/December for my nhs appointment and I’m getting bored of the anxiety around pregnancy.

my DP and I was speaking yesterday about it all, and I said I never wanted to take it away from him because of course he will be hurting over the miscarriages we had, but I can’t relax knowing we’ve already had 3 miscarriages and there could possibly be another, going through the heartache and the pain. He said he understands why I’m anxious about it all, and that totally understands that I’m the one who has to go through the physical element to it and he just has to go through the mental element of it, but he wants me to relax a little more.

i don’t feel like I can have a good drink, I don’t feel like I can eat certain foods, like I have to lose weight in order to keep a pregnancy, it’s probably going to make me poorly at this point, so am I just doing it to myself or do I have a good reason to sit and believe my weight is an issue, that certain foods won’t help me conceive, or having a bottle of wine on a Friday is going to do an immense amount of damage😬

I’m riddled with anxiety from my losses!!!

Hey everyone, nipt bloods all done just got to wait for the results which take up to a week. Baby was dating 10 weeks 2 days and looked beautiful in there. I’m just still in amazement that we’ve made it to 10 weeks and have an actual baby wriggling round in their happy for now. How are we all feeling today x

@T2024 So sorry to read your update, what a worry for you. I don't have any experience or advice but I'm really hoping you get good news at the next check x

@warmbutteredtoast Thanks so much, I appreciate it. Got my fetal medicine appointment booked in for this Monday morning, praying that it's just a measurement error x

@T2024 That's great that its so soon, yes could very well be an error, I can imagine the worry though. Hope the weekend passes quickly for you xx

@T2024 hope you're managing to keep yourself busy over the weekend. Will be thinking of you on Monday.

@Rockyslife so lovely to hear! Glad all is going well!

@LER2023 so sorry you're struggling - it's definitely very normal to be feeling that way, and I agree, completely rubbish that most Trusts don't step in until you've had 3 losses. Really seems like unnecessary torture when you're going through it. The waiting times are tough too aren't they. We were lucky that in our case, we caught with a successful pregnancy whilst waiting for the NHS consultation. As you may recall we had stopped officially trying at that point so it was a happy coincidence. On that note, and slightly in support of your husband's thinking, the month of my BFP with Samuel, I wasn't tracking, I was focusing on mental recovery from my losses (had an appointment with a MH support midwife and cried for an hour!) I prioritised time to reconnect with my Hubby in a fun way. We went on a few date nights that month and around the time I must have ovulated/already conceived we did a pub quiz together and I had a pint and a half of cider. Nothing excessive as tbh I've never been a crazed drinker anyway and didn't want to go mad, but I was having alcohol that month. A glass of wine here and there etc. I'd also had a big deli meat sandwich one lunchtime with my Sister 😂 I do wonder if giving my body that headspace to heal and enjoy living again was partly behind the successful BFP. But of course it may have been complete coincidence and I'm sure others have done similar and not conceived so it's no guarantee etc. But even aside from the happy outcome, it was definitely lovely that month to adjust my headspace and find the fun in my relationship again and in living again. So don't rule it out. For those of us who have struggled to conceive again or have been through losses it is so easy to forget that this journey should also be fun where possible, and life is for living not just surviving. We also forget how many babies are conceived in less than optimal conditions and while Mum is not focused on prioritising health etc. So, I suppose I'm saying, have a glass or two of wine if you'd like. Don't feel bad about forgetting vitamins here and there or not eating the perfect healthy meal. Live life for yourself for a while. Take the pressure off. It will do you good even if it doesn't result in a BFP. And so lovely that you have a hubby who cares enough to want this for you too 💗

@LER2023 ive decided to try whilst I’m waiting for my next set of tests if I get pregnant great and and if I don’t I’m on my way with things. I’m laid back until the point of ovulation and then for two weeks I’m neurotic. I don’t take baths, drink caffeine, don’t have a life 🤣🤣 but it keeps me saine and gives me something to focus on. Thinking of you.

Thank you so much, I hope things are going well for you, I’ve not even had any testing just a FBC bloods done after arguing with my gp over it🤣

sending baby dust xx

@T2024 Thinking of you today, and wishing you all good things x

@T2024 also thinking of you - sending hugs! Xx

@warmbutteredtoast and @SnookyPook thank you so much, you're both so kind 💖

So pleased to say the fetal medicine scan went well today, specialist scanned and found the cerebellum to be 32/33% centile instead of previous 5-6% as radiographer measured. She was v happy with the brain and couldn't find any other issues so I'm taking that as a win and positive. Fingers crossed for a smooth pregnancy 🤞 Hope you're both OK too xx

That's great news @T2024, must be such a relief

@T2024 Amazing news! I was praying for this, so happy for you! X

@T2024 amazing! What a fantastic outcome! Hopefully the rest of the pregnancy can be more enjoyable for you now. 💗 Xx

I'm on the anxiety train again. Is it normal to feel like you are not pregnant at all at 18 weeks? The only clue I have is a bump - no movement yet, assuming because I have an anterior placenta. If I didn't know I was pregnant it would be hard to convince me that I was! I just feel normal

20 week scan tomorrow, have the most horrible thoughts and dreams, anxiety is sky high :(

@T2024 great news! I’m so relieved for you.

@Orlahoping I felt very similar (anterior placenta too), but movements have picked up now at 22 weeks.

I hope tomorrow goes well @Mamaxo and that you manage to get some rest tonight 🤞

@Orlahoping @SnookyPook @Wise0wl @warmbutteredtoast thanks so much, such a relief, I had myself so worked up since anomaly scan. So thankful it's ok. You're all fab, thanks again ❤ x

@Orlahoping I felt exactly like that at 18ish week, felt completely normal and if I hadn't of had a bump, I wouldn't have known I was pregnant otherwise. Once baby gets stronger, you'll feel its kicks with anterior placenta xx

Morning ladies, thought I’d share some positive news, our nipt bloods came back negative this morning which were obviously over the moon about. We have our dating scan to get through next week which I am still really anxious about but I guess we have to celebrate all these small wins. I still am expecting something to go wrong, but for anyone unsure about the nipt who have been through losses it really was worth the money for that little bit of extra reassurance. I hope you’re all ok xx

Thanks @Wise0wl and @T2024. I wasn't really prepared for this stage of pregnancy as I have never got this far before. Just gotta trust he is growing away in there

Very normal! Movements can be elusive even up to 24/25 weeks. It's unsettling when you just want to know what's going on in there but all sounds very normal. I'm sure things are progressing beautifully 💗

@Mamaxo sending an enormous hug!! Scanxiety is horrible but hopefully it's been a positive experience for you this time. Let us know how you got on 💕

My little man is already just over a week old! We got to go home from hospital on Monday so just adapting to life at home now. 🥰 Incredible to be at this end of the journey and all the scares etc. Right in the midst of newborn sleep deprivation but just lying here feeling so lucky. Can't wait to see everyone else on the thread getting to hold these precious rainbow babies 💕

@SnookyPook A week already! What a lovely update, so so happy for you and hope you are recovering well. Does their adorableness help combat sleep deprivation, so you can look over at his perfect, snoozy face and not feel so bad? 😅

Glad everyone's scans are going well, I hate to wish away days but the next one cannot come quickly enough!

@LER2023 I hope it's your time very soon, keeping my fingers crossed for you 🤞✨

Thank you so much, I’ve did twice since coming off my period on Friday and he already thinks I’m pregnant.. how do you tell your partner that’s not how the birds and the bees works?🤣🤣🤣

it’s only because I’m still getting over a viral infection I’ve had and then my IBS had flared up so other than shitting all the time I’m also feeling really sick (could also be linked to the stress I’ve had a work that I’ve been trying not to think about due to ttc) and the stress of my house looking like shit while we’ve been sorting it all out!😩

back on the right tracks now though!! We can start ttc properly!!

@LER2023 Hey you never know, with the time they can hang around waiting they might get lucky! Our first pregnancy we had stopped using contraception but weren't yet tracking timings etc and it happened during one of the most stressful times of our lives. You can do everything right and it won't happen that month, then sometimes it can against all odds. It feels so separate to everything else going on in your body. I also had a rubbish illness around then and didn't test for ages because I thought the continued sickness was still from that, and with irregular periods it wasn't unusual to go a long time between 😅 I hope you're feeling better soon, it sucks to have it drag out and go straight onto other things making you feel like crap! The house will get there eventually and will look lovely, plus you won't have to do it again for a long time 😊

And if you don't mind me using that segue, I would really appreciated bowel movement advice 🙈 It's both ends of the spectrum, it'll be 3 days without then comes the day of poop and there will be multiple bathroom visits. I eat a variety of veggies, daily prunes, I'm not sure what else to add. Has anyone found something that works for them?