Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

Hi everyone, thanks to the lovely @Wise0wl who posted about this group under my thread. It's so nice to finally find somewhere where I can vent my worries without feeling insane. Although it's unfortunate what's brought us all here, it's nice to feel like im not alone ❤️

We had a missed miscarraige at 11 weeks early this year. Baby had stopped growing at 9w. Absolutely devastating. My first pregnancy was plain sailing and I just took for granted that that's how my 2nd would go. The guilt that I feel for the comments I made.. "gosh two will be hard work." 😪 that will haunt me forever.

So today I found out I'm pregnant, will be 4 weeks on Friday so very very early. But I'm having quite strong period like cramping in my lower back. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has had this with a pregnancy after miscarraige and all been OK?

Welcome @Sophamy. I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a similar thing - despite some spotting in my first pregnancy it went smoothly, having a MMC was a total shock but I put it down to maybe the baby not being viable, all the medical professionals reassured me it was a vanishingly small chance to happen again - then it did, despite lots of early scans and a lovely heartbeat and everything looking like it was progressing well. What I’ve learnt is that in both those pregnancies before there were no signs anything was wrong, so I’ve tried to stop myself reading too much into every sign and symptom. In the meantime before someone comes back on the cramping - are you eligible for a viability scan at your EPU? I know it wouldn’t be for a few weeks if so, but having mini milestones has kept me going. Fingers crossed the cramping subsides for you 🤞

I'm so sorry for your losses, I can't even imagine the pain of hearing those words twice.

I'm not sure. I will look into it but I don't think so. They refused to see me last time when I felt something was wrong because I didn't have 'active' bleeding. Just a tiny bit of pink on wiping and some cramping, but enough to worry me, like I knew in my gut something was wrong. I had to pay private that same day to get the news. I understand that they have their criteria for referrals but I just felt so let down. So I wouldn't hold any hope for them seeing me just for reassurance.

I just keep trying to tell myself, today I am pregnant and I will enjoy it. But its so hard to stay positive.

@Sophamy I’m so sorry your experience hasn’t been positive with EPU. I know you can self refer for maternity services, are you able to self refer to a different EPU maybe? I’ve only ever had spotting 99.99% of the time on wiping, but mine have always been happy to see me. It’s bitterly unfair that it’s such a lottery.

Hi all I'm 16 weeks and second pregnancy (to go past 7 weeks) I've started feeling flutters, now I've felt baby am I supposed to feel them everyday? Or is it too early to have any pattern? Thank you x

When I had my UTI, I rang my doctors and told them I had a UTI. They was like how can you be sure? I went I’m pregnant and I had a UTI in my last pregnancy and it felt the exact same.
so they gave me antibiotics for it that are suitable for pregnancy, they never mentioned any risks, even having antibiotics when not needing them.
it should be fine, but for your own sanity, if you speak to your doctors about it they can advise you a little more x

Wish me luck ladies, first month trying again.

@Nic2908 aw good luck lovely - how are you feeling? 💗

Ladies do any of you mark, or celebrate your angels birthdays?

I know it's the day we lost our DC but I feel like, for me, I want to somehow mark the birthday. Maybe because I have living children too and their birthdays are such a big deal.

I feel horrible for not having some special tradition or something.

@SnookyPook and @Wise0wl thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance. I genuinely kept the things you said in mind when I was sitting in that waiting room, and found that it really helped.

Good news (so far) from the scan! They saw a gestational sac, yolk sac, and a teeny tiny embryo measuring 2mm. Everything is in the right place and is matching with my 5+5 dates. No heartbeat yet but they weren't worried since it's so early.

We feel so relieved at least for the moment. I know it's only a snapshot in time but it's giving us both relief that at least it's not ectopic, and that for this moment in time, everything is looking okay and as it should be 💜

@purplecolouroffunk I’m so pleased for you! Onwards to the next milestone 😊

@OnNaturesCourse I don’t mark the days I lost them, but I try to do something nice on their estimated due dates. Am taking my son for a day trip out in a couple of weeks on what might have been the due date of our second loss.

@purplecolouroffunk oh I'm so glad, and glad my ramblings helped a little! Fantastic reassurance to know that everything is as it should be for right now 💗

@OnNaturesCourse by cruel twist of fate I actually spent the due date of my MMC in hospital having my 3rd loss confirmed!! Although thankfully knew it was on the cards and my Mum spent the day with me and we went for lunch and talked lots and drove round the countryside so it was sort of cathartic. The date of that first one sticks with me most and was the most difficult loss. I actually didn't retain in my head the due dates of the CP and the MC but I was already quite far into this pregnancy and felt I'd rather focus on hope for the future than loss of the unknown.

That's just me and there is definitely no right or wrong. I think it will always be that first loss that hits hardest and the due date is the day before Halloween so very easy to remember. I don't think I will feel a need to particularly mark it each year now as I do want to focus on what is here with me. Hopefully that doesn't sound too callous! Think it may have been different with a later loss or if I'd known more about them. I may take a pause/light a candle/play a song... But don't think I'll need more than that. May simply remember on the Wave of Light evening at the end of Baby Loss Awareness week to think of them all together. 💗 Just do whatever you need to do to commemorate your little babies 💗

@purplecolouroffunk I'm so pleased to hear all looked good! Did they see where the bleed was coming from?

All my losses were in January and it does feel like a bit of a dark month for me, the fact I'm due with this babe in January I'm hoping will redeem it for us. I do remember my twins due date, it's the birthday of a friend so hard not to and I think of them/go for a walk. I haven't had the due date of angel 3 yet, I would like to do similar on that day

Thanks all.

Mine was quite a late loss at just under 17 weeks, I had to labour and deliver then hold a funeral so I guess I'm lucky in the sense I got to physically "meet" them for a short time.

I got asked the other day how many children I already had and I instinctively said 3 (2 earthside and one loss) then the person started asking about them and I panicked and ended the conversation. No idea why I couldn't just say my youngest passed, almost felt like I'd lied but to me i carried and delivered them so I do/did have them...

Sorry. Rambling. Sensative time of year and is nice to have a place to offload anonymously.

@OnNaturesCourse those questions are so hard to answer when you've experienced loss. I think it's absolutely ok to say you have 3 children! And in time you will probably settle on an answer that you're comfortable sharing. I think a lot of discomfort is around not wanting to make the other person feel awkward but actually, if they ask a question like that, they should be prepared for whatever answer comes their way! I think what you said is absolutely fine "I have 3 children - 2 here and one who unfortunately wasn't able to stay with us but is very loved and missed". I definitely think I'd need to mark the anniversary more if it had been a later loss and I'd met them/held a funeral etc. Such a hard thing to go through. 💗

I've carried 6 babies with heartbeats. I always find that strange to say out loud. I wouldn't say I've had 6 children because the losses were all first trimester losses, but I do think it would feel different if I had a later loss. I heard you can get birth certificates (not official ones) for babies miscarried which I thought was a lovely idea and I think I'll do that

This brings me comfort. Even if I don’t outwardly mark my losses, they’ve left their mark on me. www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/every-baby-thats-conceived-leaves-a-souvenir-in-their-parents-body_uk_646dd352e4b0005c605cfdde/

They couldn’t see anywhere the bleed was coming from! They said it’s likely something to do with implantation or is hormonal. It went away yesterday and came back a little today but is very light and sort of peachy coloured.

I asked the EPU if they can prescribe progesterone as the NICE guidelines say but they said they don’t have a policy for it in my area of the NHS. I booked a virtual private doc appt yesterday (get it through work) and they won’t prescribe it either. It’s really frustrating - I don’t understand why it’s so hard to get hold of.

@purplecolouroffunk if it's helpful I had an online consultation with Plan Your Baby and they were happy to prescribe

@Orlahoping thank you! Was that part of fertility treatment or were you just able to approach them about progesterone alone? What sort of cost was it, if you don’t mind me asking?

@purplecolouroffunk so I actually contacted them very prematurely after my miscarriage so that I had a plan if it did take me a while to conceive again (was feeling my age). They did a free 15 mins and then I had an initial consultation for £150 to go through my history and make a plan for what to do if trying naturally for 6 months didn't work. I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks after than consultation, so went back to them for their pregnancy monitoring package (which is £300 a month). However, I don't think you would have to do that and imagine they would be willing to support with a prescription after a single consultation if you have an initial one. You could always book the initial free 15 mins to ask?

Alternatively, there's an acupuncturist who works with a pharmacist in house who can prescribe: https://thefertilitysuite.co.uk/meet-our-fertility-team/. Not sure of the process or the cost but friends I know through the baby loss community really rate her.

There is a baby loss certificate, I got one for my 17 week loss.

It was/is nice as prior to this coming to be a thing the only thing I had for my daughter was the paperwork for her funeral. Always felt strange that I could bury her but not register her even being here.

Definitely recommend getting it.

@OnNaturesCourse Thank you, I will do that. I'm pleased to hear you were able to get one, really important x

Hey everyone, hope you’re all ok. I’ve been over thinking about my scan last week. According to my app I should have been 7 weeks 5 days they dated me 7 weeks 1 day and said it is ok and normal and that I could have just ovulated a few days later. But I have just looked on my app and we didn’t dtd again after for it to of even been a later ovulation if that makes sense? I am really stressing myself out now.

Hi @Rockyslife my understanding is that everything is so small at this stage that its hard to get an accurate reading, but being four days out is within the margin of error and can depend on a number of factors (the measurement as I said, or when implantation happens). Do you have another scan booked in?